Woe is Man Unto the Woman

REPENT, man who art afraid and disgraced.

Seek ye the TRUTH and the truth shall set you FREE:

http://www.esotericarchives.com/agrippa/preem.htm

I'm claustrophobic..

..but more of people/energy than of objects or confined spaces. Might need a new word for that phobia now because science is finally starting to prove what I've been saying all along feeling crazy. I'm just a little ahead of the pack involuntarily such as I've had undeniable ESP capabilities since I was 6 yo. Anyway here, watch this!

 

lunatic pandemic

more conspiracy something.. won't insult science by using the word "theory" because this is pure lunacy! people will believe anything? it's completely baffles me. it's like they know change is coming or no.. it's like they're ready for a change, a very major change but they haven't realized yet that this change comes from within. they don't grok as above, so below. so they look up and so sincerely expect to see something off or unexpected and they welcome it because they really long for change but aren't willing to change their themselves nor the way they live so they expect some dumb comet, or planet, or mothership to come force them to evolve. can't wait til it's 2013 and everyone calls it y2kpsyche and laughs like they never believed it when the truth is change has come! you just create your own reality so if you're not willing to change you'll never see..

anyway about this video above.. page is full of people's comments about comet elenin (which is about 2-3 miles or kilometers wide max) is causing the moon to wobble or planet niburu is behind it and all that kind of shit. power of suggestion is potent. all of a sudden everyone else seems to recall having noticed it as well. no one mentions the fact that you can't see the ground to orientate your vantage point... yeah, fucking 2 second edit to flip a stupid video 90 degrees! really. easiest hoax in the whole entire known universe! what fools these mortals be

Conspiracy theories, oh my!

Question everything ~ This my philosophy! 

That means don't just question all the official stories and conclude that any alternate theory must be closer to the truth since there appears to be a conspiracy to conceal something.. No, question everything! Question your questions and your reasons for questioning a thing every bit as indiscriminately. Accept nothing as steadfastly verifiable evidence if you yourself did not personally bear witness to it and even then question the limits of what you can or care to perceive. Everything is a mere possibility as is nothing is purely infallible. Careful that you're not co-conspiring unconsciously.

There is information and there is disinformation but the existence of a contrary does not validate nor confirm that there's a conspiracy but only the fact that people are prone to repeat undisputed testimony. There are no experts. Always check your sources and re-investigate their facts. If your source lists their sources who also listed their sources then it's safe to say there's substantiated evidence but be certain to cite the source you claim substantial or you can be certain you'll get dismissed as editorial because otherwise you fail to demonstrate any integrity of intention which automatically makes it disinformation since you declined the opportunity for informed opposition. Trust no one who expects you to just trust them.

my short report forecast from astro.com

Jupiter opposition Uranus: A need for newness
Beginning of July 2011 until beginning of March 2012: This influence signifies a desire to release yourself from restrictions and obligations that you feel have limited your life unnecessarily. Often it coincides with a sudden break from some limiting circumstance, such as a person, a job or simply a way of life. This need for newness in your life and for something different from the daily routine is a powerful force, and it will be very difficult to continue as you have. You will feel the breaking away itself as an enormous relief, a lessening of tension. For this reason you must review your life very carefully to find out what needs to be overthrown and what does not. The danger is that you will overthrow worthwhile things along with the useless. Be careful of this, because it could substantially vitiate any advantage you gain from your new freedom. Relationships are especially affected by this influence, particularly those that obligate you in some way. A partnership, either marital or business, may be quite difficult to maintain during this time. And to add to the confusion, it is sometimes your partner who wants out. This is an example of an influence experienced in projected form; instead of putting out the energy yourself, you encounter someone who is apparently doing it for you. In this case, do not attempt to hold on to the other person, for that is the surest way to drive him away. Give your partner all the freedom he needs, for you need it, too, although you are not as aware of it. A related expression of this influence is encountering a person who seeks in some way to liberate you from yourself or from some duty that you have voluntarily taken on. You may find such a person irritating, but he or she is performing a valuable function in your life. Again, the roles may be reversed, and you may set out to change someone else's life. The point is that this is a valuable influence, even though it may be somewhat disruptive. It can prevent your life from becoming so static and stabilized that you cease to be truly alive.  

Saturn opposition Jupiter: Crab walk 15 October 2011 until 31 October 2011: During this time, your opportunities for growth and expansion in life are limited. You may feel that you are moving sideways, if not actually going in reverse. There may be financial problems, especially if you have overextended yourself in the recent past. Another effect of this influence is restlessness and impatience with restrictions imposed upon you. This period requires patience, but unfortunately yours seems to be almost exhausted. This is a period of readjustment after a period of possibly too-rapid expansion. Certainly it is necessary to examine your recent past to make sure that you have acted according to what you really want to do and really ought to do. This influence can have the effect of getting you back into a path that you have wandered away from. Do not be discouraged by any recent setbacks. Quite likely they were for the best, as you will probably see in a little while. Make things more secure and more stable, but do not start any new projects now. If your expectations are overly optimistic, you may be disappointed, but at least the reasons will become clear. You will see what aspect of reality has interfered with your ideals, and in the future you will be able to take this into account. Also at this time personal relationships may go through a period of trial. You often feel as if your personal freedom is unduly limited by others. Separations sometimes come about because you feel that that is the only way to achieve freedom. And, in fact, you are usually better off after a separation that occurs during this time. This is a time of cutting back and finding a more stable form for your life. It is not a time of growth and expansion. In fact, too much expansion in the past may be the reason for what is happening now. In the future you will have to make plans on a more solid basis so that changes in your life and pressure from circumstances and people cannot interfere so much. This influence is a useful, if not always pleasant, encounter with reality.  

Saturn square Venus: A sense of tension End of October 2011 until end of July 2012: This is a time of considerable tension and difficulty in your relationships. Love relationships often cool off and may even break up altogether during this time. You may discover that a love affair wasn't what you thought it was, a rude awakening after a period of lovely illusions. Or you may suddenly lose interest in a relationship that had seemed perfectly viable up until now. Of course, the other person may be the one who leaves you. Aside from love relationships, there is a sense of tension and a feeling that it is somehow more difficult to relate to people. You may feel that any sort of relationship exists at the cost of your freedom and sense of individuality. Relationships seem to be more trouble than they are worth. Another effect of this influence may be that "circumstances beyond your control" seem to get in the way of an existing relationship and force it to break up, even though neither of you wants this to happen. But this is almost never what is really happening. Usually one of you has a conscious or unconscious need to withdraw from the relationship, and you subtly maneuver circumstances to make it break up. Or you may be testing the relationship to see how much it can take. A good one will survive and be stronger. Every relationship must be an honest expression of yourself. But we often get into relationships that have little to do with our true selves, usually because of fear, a need for security, or a sense of personal inadequacy. Relationships sometimes simply outlive their time, and these are the ones that will suffer and perhaps die now. They are at cross purposes to your pursuit of life and self-expression. Loneliness is a problem at this time, because your need for relationships and your need to be yourself are equally great. Instead of working harmoniously, as they should, they are in conflict. But consciously or unconsciously, the need to be yourself is the greater at this time.
 
Saturn square Saturn: Soul-searching Mid December 2011 until end of September 2012: This is a critical period in which several aspects of your life and experience will be tested, especially those that began to be important about seven years ago. Most often this influence is experienced as a sort of identity crisis in which you begin to question what you are doing. You may suffer a crisis of confidence at this time, fearing that you have made the wrong moves in life or committed yourself to some course of action that will not be good in the long run. During this period you will think about and question all the long-term trends in your life. You will not be thinking about trivial matters. Sometimes a particular event triggers off this period of soul-searching. Others may create difficulties for you, especially in your business or professional area. Perhaps they detect the first signs of insecurity that will afflict you during this period. If they are people who naturally compete with you, they may try to take advantage of your apparent weakness. Employers and other superiors may also sense your feelings of insecurity and wonder whether you are the right person for the job you are doing. You must recognize that some aspects of your life need to be questioned at this time. But don't stand in one spot quivering about your life. Examine it and make whatever changes are possible and seem appropriate. Any project you started seven years ago or any new aspect of yourself that first surfaced then that is truly worth continuing will still be worthwhile after this period. This is a time of testing, and anything that withstands the test will be better for it. Things that do not pass the test are well got rid of. Shortly you will enter a period of stability and fruitfulness that will justify the events that take place now. In fact, if you are truly conscious of your life and your objectives, you will not undergo a real crisis at all. You will only go through a period of examining what is working and what is not. Your difficulties with the outer world at this time are signals about what you should be doing.

transiting Saturn conjunct natal Pluto

In a word: Terrifying!

"To suspect your own mortality is to know the beginning of terror, to learn irrefutably that you are mortal is to know the end of terror." -Frank Herbert

So I can honestly say that I've never been afraid before, at least not before this past weekend. I've studied martial arts. I know how to carry myself. I've lived in more than a few "bad" neighborhoods in my day and although I've certainly felt kinda "sketch" before on more than one occasion I've NEVER BEEN AFRAID! I was somehow armored by my life's purpose or something to that extent.. I've always known it just wasn't my time yet. Period. If it doesn't kill you it will only make you stronger.. so bring it on! Nothing I can't take, right? Well this past Saturday night for the first time in my life I suddenly felt as vulnerable as the runt in a herd of gazelle being stalked by a mountain lion.

I was walking by myself, alone, in heels, all dressed up on my way to Merc to dance just like I have hundreds of times before.. when crossing the street, in heels, I sped up to make the light on time and blow off the guys hootin n hollering at me in a car and I hyper-extended my knee, debilitating me instantly. I played it off halfway down the block but realized then that I was fucked. I immediately sought out a place to get off of it hanging left into the courtyard of the old BofA building on Broadway. I texted JJ to come get me, told him to drive around the back of the building and pick me up in the parking lot.. there I stood in the dark, alone, and defenseless. Suddenly I felt like I was dressed like an hooker on Aurora and radiating "stupid cracked out whore" or "dumb drunk bimbo" like a a neon sign was above my head. Usually even if I am dressed in such a fashion that one could possibly be mistaken.. I'd snicker at the notion knowing anyone who dared judge me as such would soon find himself horribly mistaken! But not then, I was a sitting duck, prime prey for the taking with a beacon calling 'em forth. Utterly Horrifying!!

Luckily JJ was quick but I don't know if I'll ever be quite the same ever since. My knee is still healing and I'm forced to capitalize on other talents than what my legs provide as a stable existence. Sure, I'm creative but when left with nothing but a poker face between me and death I assume I'm as good as dead. Guess I better work on that one. Cards anyone? One-eyed Jack's and.. uh.. deuces wild? Fucked...

Beauty behold

THE TEMPLE OF SOLOMON
THE KING 

THE WANTON

THERE is a woman, young, and beautiful, and wise, who grows not old as she dances down the centuries: she was in the beginning, and she will be in the end, ever young, ever enticing, and always inscrutable. Her back is to the East and her eyes are towards the night, and in her wake lieth the world. Wherever she danceth, there man casteth the sweat from his brow and followeth her. Kings have fled their thrones for her; priests their temples; warriors their legions; and husbandmen their ploughs. All have sought her; yet ever doth she remain subtle, enticing, virginal. None have known her save those little ones who are born in the cave under the cavern; yet all have felt the power of her sway. Crowns have been sacrificed for her; gods have been blasphemed for her; swords have been sheathed for her; and the fields have lain barren for her; verily! the helm of man's thoughts has been cloven in twain by the magic of her voice. For like some great spider she has enticed all into the silken meshes of her web, wherein she hath spun the fair cities of the world, where sorrow sits tongueless and laughter abideth not; and tilled the fertile plains, where innocence is but as the unopened book of Joy. Yet it is she also who hath led armies into battle; it is she who hath brought frail vessels safely across the greedy ocean; it is she who hath enthroned priests, crowned kings, and set the sword in the hand of the warrior; and it is she who hath helped the weary slave to guide his plough through the heavy soil, and the miner to rob the yellow gold from the bowels of the earth. Everywhere will you find her dancing down empires, and weaving the destiny of nations. She never sleeps, she never slumbers, she never rests; ever wakeful, day and night, her eyes glisten like diamonds as she danceth on, the dust of her feet burying the past, disturbing the present, and clouding the future. She was in Eden, she will be in Paradise! 

Read more ~ http://hermetic.com/crowley/equinox/i/i/eqi01014h.html