Jun 24, 2007

exhaulted with knives

I've had an epiphany which makes me happy because a new friend reminded me how much I like that word and was hoping to use it soon maybe.. but the epiphany itself is annoying because I've been really exhausting myself with this lately and it seems really stupid and totally silly. Let me pause though right there for a note in case you have been concerned about me with a certain trial or posted tribulating and if so why thank you for being concerned as I was quite concerned about me, honestly, too. I've doubted almost everything at some point but my perseverity is not one of these in the least before this past thing. Yes it too has passed and I'm thanking the shrines of mercy, prayers for me or generally everything seen or unseen that had any effect on assisting me whatsoever, and then me as well obviously because I Will not give up! Absolutely! Unless it kills me and that's for damn sure! I can be certain of that now at least. It was beyond belief how difficult a test it was because on the surface and especially by rational standards it should have been minor for me because I've come a really long way on releasing attachments, and acknowledged and set free much, much more significant soul bonding but this was a very different kind of test indeed because there was an intentional danger which I never expected to encounter so directly indirectly with such a horribly malicious core, wherever it came from or whatever that energy was it was not a part of me! Like love didn't work because it would not assimilate which I have encountered but I've always sensed instantly and squashed like a mosquito.. This was very new however, methodic tacticfully, cold and calculated, disguised perfectly etc.. but that just must mean the game is ON my friends and I'm glad because I hate waiting, have the best team- we're professionals at this for christsake, and I already know the outcome anyway so get on it already. I say let's make up a little strategy shall we? Okay then, now where were we? Where did my epiphany go? K got it- I've found this to be with true with some other folks hence calling it an epiphany so check it out cuz once it occurs to you if you're doing it too you can be annoyed and bitch with me: ) No, of all the things to get hung up on this is gotta be the dumbest thing. I've been like waiting, or applying for, or trying to earn in some way, register maybe, thinking I need to get everyone else's permission to go ahead and step up to the plate, arise and be the best me, the truest me, not because I need reassuring nor have I any doubts, insecurities, fear of failing if I try NOPE, not it at all. I know purely what is will that's not a questionable thing. I'm wanting to get like a socially acceptable behavior model diagram or ethics class for dummies, etiquitte training for the gods and goddesses, archetypes and deities, and there isn't any good functionable myths still applicable from our history.. So I'm afraid I'll be rude, upstage someone, hurt their feelings, become a total bitch if I become the highest part of me move outwardly. That's ridiculous I think. This mean something hasn't occured to yet, huh? Well I'm ready to bring it regardless Anybody else? How bout I go and you follow my lead and back me up, no wait you go first, okay on the count of 3- Ready? 1...

Dialogue be damned

Whenever I reflect upon my short comings, paranoid thinking due to incidents of abuse in my formative years that shattered my trust, and the...