Animus

THE FOLLOWING IS THE STORY OF MY "ORDEAL" AND UTTER ABANDONMENT BY MY LINEAGE OF THE A.'.A.'. YES, IT IS I WHO WAS THE STUDENT OF THE PRACTICUS MENTIONED BRIEFLY IN THE BEGINNING AND NEVER QUESTIONED NOR SHOWN CONCERN FOR EVER AGAIN AS IF I QUIT ALONG WITH MY TEACHER... BUT I DIDN'T.

(taken from the head of my lineage, Jerry Cornelius', blog pages found here~
http://www.cornelius93.com/EpistleOathoftheAbyss.html)

AN OPEN EPISTLE ON THE OATH OF THE ABYSS


PREAMBLE

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. – Liber AL vel Legis I:40


I’ve been ask why we began our discussion on the Oath of the Abyss. It’s actually quite simple. It was to educate people as to what actually occurs before, during and after the taking of this Oath. It is no secret that many young magicians read and believe in the psychobabble often posted on-line by those who have neither taken the Oath or successfully made the crossing of the desert. Too many young people are filled with glorious ideas of what the Oath entails as if all you have to do is to utter a few words and a failed life will be better because the Gods will recognize just how great you are. It’s just not that simple, playing in the mind at these depths can easily cause obsession and insanity. This subject of the Oath of the Abyss reared its head in early August 2009 due to a Practicus, who attempted to move from Hod (Mercury) into Netzach (Venus) onto the feminine side of the Tree of Life. The baggage he towed in, without any of us knowing it, was catastrophic. He almost immediately had a blow-out on Malkuth. What he failed to understand is that sooner or later all initiates reach their level of incompetence. How else do we know their true capability? We actually grow by our failures. He is no different than the rest; only in so far as he was able to focus and move beyond the bump with the assistance of his teacher. But it seems he had been lying to his teacher for well over six months and the Goddess Venus was about to say no, you don’t belong on my side of the Tree.

The actual root to the problem began almost a year earlier when this Practicus took on a female student. I sat him down and explained very carefully that due to his past deeds as one of the infamous Sacramento OTO ‘sex magicians’ who often used this title simply as a means to get laid ... that this would be unacceptable behavior in the A.’.A.’.. You cannot, under any circumstance, cross the planes when it comes to horizontal and vertical behavior in a student-teacher relationship. In other words, leave the female student alone, teach her and keep your pecker in your pants. I explained why, from a magickal point of view, that this is dangerous now that she’s attempting to move ‘vertically.’ He gave his ‘Word’ that he’d ‘never’ sleep with any student. We felt there would be no problems because, after all, his student lived in a different state anyway. ... However, within days he slept with another female A.’.A.’. student and even worse, one not even in his own Clerk House, but from another. Then, because he was higher up in the Order than she, she having just joined our Noble Order, he convinced her to be dishonest and to hide their affair from her own Superior. She loved him, she was guilty of nothing less. 

But such mundane sexual shenanigans, all under the pretences of 'questing for spirituality' inevitably caused friction and fights especially after he attempted to move into Netzach, the sphere ruled by Venus. This planet, like the Qabalistic sphere itself, is associated with the 'openness' of love and the ‘affairs of the heart’ as well as both internal and external feminine virtues. On the positive side Venus, or the Manipura chakra, takes the Sun’s light and warmth (Tiphereth) and allows emotional growth in our life but on the flip side if the Sun's light is cut off it can bring death and destruction, and everything withers in relationship to her qualities. Within A.’.A.’. neither sex can guide or use females in a dishonest manner and then expect to achieve spiritually within their counterpart in themselves (Netzach) without conflicts arising from the depths of their psyche which will kick the foundations out of their reality in similar areas. ... As Above, So Below.  It is the Law. ... Netzach on this Practicus' internal Tree blew out his Netzach in his daily life ... It seems that shortly after attempting Netzach he was caught with another woman. Even if nothing ever happened, the impression of impropriety caused the female A.’.A.’. student emotional damage and she ran to her teacher and told him everything. She also learned, despite how many times this Practicus had said that he loved her, behind her back he commented to another A.’.A.’. initiate, from yet a third Clerk House, that he wished that he’d sleep with her and to take her off his hands. All this and more she found out and she was devastated, she felt used and she experienced a pain so deep of which this Practicus will never know by toying in the affairs of her heart. When confront with his dishonesty, his lying and the problems that he caused by bringing petty mundane sexual issues into the A.’.A.’. which inevitably affected three Clerk Houses, the Practicus didn’t deny it. He apologized ... and it should have ended there. [see the posting at the end of this Epistle dated Saturday August 22nd 2009 8:42am for the Practicus rebuttal to some of the above statements]

Our next step was to help the Practicus properly achieve Netzach. Is that not our goal, to help? But the only way that we could do this properly was to identify the problem. Although the ‘blow-out’ on Malkuth regarding Venus (or feminine currents) was obvious in the world around him, we lacked his internal thoughts as to the ‘magick’ that he had set in motion which caused it. We impressed upon him to keep a Magickal Diary for just one month and to send us daily entries of his thoughts on the Circle Squared. This way we could establish his ‘glitch.’ Of the 40 Buddhist Meditations, the one attributed to Hod (Practicus) is “Analysis into 4 Elements” (777 Col.XXIII) which is why we wanted him to reflect upon the ‘Square’ (Elements) in the three spheres of Hod, Yesod and in Malkuth which he had supposedly already accomplished and to let us know his understanding of how he was ‘controlling’ these three spheres while building a Temple (Square) in which his Spirit (Circle) might dwell. He was obviously ‘thinking’ wrong in regards to how to properly live a spiritual life, but where? Although we basically always knew his problem, we needed him to come to the realization of where he failed regarding the square. That was our goal and a better student would have jumped at the opportunity of such help. 

But his Daimon, like everyone's, is dual in nature; containing both Angelic and Demonic qualities. It was at this point that the Practicus' Demonic side became unconsciously worried but before the Practicus was able to recognize that his Demon (i.e. negative ego) wasn’t really under ‘control’, the Demon convinced the Practicus to be stupid ... the Practicus stopped the magickal diary after just one entry so that he wouldn’t exposed the fact that he really hadn’t been building a proper Pyramid foundation and as an alternative to being exposed, he defiantly went behind his Superior’s back to swear the Oath of the Abyss. ... “and the Demon snickers.”  It was as if the Practicus’ was stamping his feet like a little child at his daddy, and saying “Fuck You” ... “I took the Oath, I’m beyond your criticism and I don’t have to listen to you anymore. God now advises me and I don’t have to prove anything to you.” ... In effect, he was acting like an adolescent teenager rebelling against his father ... and does anyone see the obvious problem here? .... He unconsciously took the Oath for all the wrong reasons and for well over two weeks we tried to reach him but he ignored everyone and dug his feet in. What was then soon discovered through what little writings we were obtaining from him was that he incorrectly took Oath; in his haste he never properly threw himself into the Abyss. He was, in affect, still a Practicus. On August 19th he finally came to this realization himself and informed us of such in an email. We were all elated for we knew that he was safe from the clutches of his personal Choronzon. So again, for the second time, it should have ended here. He should have simply asked, "Now what?" [see the posting at the end of this Epistle dated Saturday August 22nd 2009 8:42am for the Practicus rebuttal and why I misinterpreted his claims; which it appears I did but this opens up a bigger can of worms.]   

At this point I should point out that Grady Louis McMurtry told me back in April of 1984 when I swore the Oath in his presence; that the taking this Oath is not an automatic guarantee that I’ll be cast into the Abyss; otherwise every person who reads it out of some book would be thrown in but he did say that failure to take it properly would cast me into the Qliphoth of the Sphere in which I resided when the Oath was taken; this being Tiphereth the Sun. I was warned that an untrained magician would be unable to tell the distinction between the Abyss and the Qliphoth; I was to study both very carefully and especially fortify the Light of Tiphereth from whence I leaped; just in case I didn't enter the Abyss. 

As for this Practicus, he leaped toward the Abyss from the Qabalistic sphere of Hod but unable to enter, he almost immediately fell into its Qliphoth. According to the Qabalah the Lord of this Qliphotic sphere is Samael which means "The Desolation of God" and it is this demon who represents the Unhappiness of the fallen and failures of creation. Once this tendency is rooted in a Practicus, Samael takes on the form of Theuniel, "The filthy Wailing Ones of God" and that's when attacks can begin from a Practicus toward what it presumed caused his 'failures.' 

Normally, the sphere of Hod, which is ruled by the planet Mercury, controls our 'Intellect' and how we are able to utilize our Sun's light (Tiphereth) which we store within the Moon making it appear 'full.' The Svadhisthana chakra which rules this sphere gives us our ability to perceive our reality and relate to everything from inanimate object to people around us. In astrology this planet rules communication but not necessarily from an emotional level as does Venus but in a much more cold matter-of-fact intellectual way as a bridge between our Sun and others. In the Qliphoth of Hod, where the Ego is never under control, the Practicus will tend to use the 'Intellect' in a negative way. Instead of using it for spiritual growth, he twists his 'Intellect' into a cold defense mechanism away from the Light of his Sun (Tiphereth) toward Malkuth (i.e his reality) to prove, mostly to himself, that he is correct and everyone else is wrong; and often a fallen Practicus attacks, or lashes out verbal hatred toward those he 'assumed' have wronged him, rather than taking responsibility for his own actions. Comunication is failing. Finally, by nature of the Left Hand Pillar's descending force, a Practicus will unconsciously find the need to distance themselves from that which reminds them of their failure and they'll flee to more comfortable settings in the mundane world. These, and other things, are just some of the clues that we watch for in the Practicus whom we feel might have tripped on the path up the Sacred Mountain. And Sadly, all the Practicus' emails portrayed these classic examples of someone tortured mentally in the Qliphoth of Hod. And with that in mind, we found ourselves with the next task. How do we walk this Practicus out of the Shadows and back into the Light? It is no secret that other A.'.A.'. lineages would have cut him loose long ago but what does that say of them when one of their Initiates needs them the most that they are so quick to give up? If a student falls, it is our Duty to extend a hand until all hope is exhausted - all A.'.A.'. initiates should remember this.  If we cannot help our own, how can we ever expect to help humanity?

And this brings us to the reason why we are seemingly airing dirty laundry. In the A.’.A.’. we learn by examples; we study other magician’s lives, read their diaries and their records. We consider each magician like a pathfinder going off into some un-chartered wilderness. - As Above, So Below. - Even in our mundane world some early explorers who traveled to the New World or to some other God-forsaken part of our globe ended up going insane or died but we must never forget that others, who read these early explorer’s records, went further and further still. Because they learned what NOT to do! There were two primary reasons why this whole discussion began on our blog on August 16th 2009; first to guide the Practicus from afar by offering tidbits of daily insights for him to think about and then to use his recent magickal blow-out as an example to others. To warn other students from being silly; those who might think that if they just took this Oath that it could be their ultimate achievement without any consequences in reality. There is far more to this Oath than ‘reciting’ a simple phrase and if this Epistle can make you realize this then we have achieved our goal. 

But if you still feel the need to take the Oath of the Abyss then all I can say is that yes, it is your undisputed right, it is everyone’s right. Even I cannot deny an initiate of this quest without presuming to know their True Will; which would be utterly wrong on my part. However, as Grady  Louis McMurtry did with me, I would advise him properly through the love of Babalon in order to make sure that they would be successful and stand proudly in the City of the Pyramids and had this Practicus come to me I would have offered him my open hand to guide him but instead, he hide his actions in the Shadow and now he wears a fig leaf ... so, the bottom line is this, to all my students worldwide who are reading this Epistle, don’t be stupid ... in the A.’.A.’. you have teachers, use them and don’t be so presumptuous to think that you, and you alone, know better than they. 

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On Saturday August 16th 2009, I posted the following notice on our blog :

"Here is the task for all my students and readers for the upcoming week. Magicians love to pontificate on the supposed fact that if you ‘TAKE’ the Oath of the Abyss it is irrevocable, but is this true? And is a person who recites the Oath, even in a magickal setting, automatically thrown into the Abyss? Right up front I should let my readers know that I am not trying to offer advise on how to properly take this Oath, nor will I reveal its secret, but I do think this open discussion is something needed to inform all of you that this Oath is often very, very misunderstood or interpreted wrong from the point-of-view of Malkuth rather than Chesed where it should be properly taken. Yes, it is far more complicated than most realize. I swore the Oath of the Abyss while standing in front of Grady Louis McMurtry twenty-five years ago this year. I can still hear his advise, his talking about what it 'really' means, of his own stories and those of Jack Parsons and of his explanations what it really entails, advice from The Book of Lies and other sources ... all this and more still rings in my head. As well as the danger of my swearing of the Oath not only to my superior (i.e. Grady) but to the students around me. Grady, clearly warned me, and I quote - "You could kill me." ... What do you think? Why is it so dangerous not only to the magician but to those around him? So, lets talk about the Oath of the Abyss and why there isn't any 'Circle Squared' related to it. Write to the blog and let me know your opinion and your view on what this Oath entails.  
Here is a quote to all those 'thinking' about taking the Oath of the Abyss, it is one of Aleister Crowley's first warnings of obvious failure. Grady told me to read this and study certain things before taking the Oath. If I fail to fulfill this simple task, the Oath was all but impossible.

"... it is the A.'.A.'., whose members are extremely careful to make no statement 
at all that cannot be verified in the usual manner; or where this is not easy, 
at least avoid anything like a dogmatic statement." 
                                                               - Aleister Crowley

The actual thread begins:

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Sunday August 16th 2009 –  7:00am Ricky writes - "Jerry 93, First let me say that I am no where near an Exempt Adept so for the most part I am definitely talking out of my ass. But my understanding in regards to this Oath is similar to any other Magical Oath. It is between one and ones Angel and it binds one forever to its intent. so I would say yes, it is irrevocable. I don't think you can say, "oh sorry buddy, I didn't mean that" to you Angel.  I am not sure if one is thrown instantly into the Abyss. For all I know it could be a gradual realization but one thing is certain, well certain by the testimony of those who have been there. Ones Angle immediately steps aside. It may be that you stand there and look at Her/Him for a bit before you jump, or it may be that your Angle boots your ass out there, I don't know. But if your Angel 'leaves' you then it would be like chaos anyway. With no guidance from above one would be like a ship with no compass or more appropriately a wanderer in an endless Desert of night with no stars to guide you. 
 You said that Grady told you that "you could kill [him]". I have never thought of this side of the Oath of the Abyss. With a student teacher relationship, (which ever one you might be) there is a sort of bond. Within a vertical school such as A.'.A.'. this bond runs deeper than just emotion respect, it is a bond of universes. I think it must be something like a hanging string of pearls. Your superior is above you and your students are below. If the middle pearl explodes then it can damage all others in various ways. Or like in the case of Jack Parsons you could really explode and maybe take your superior with you...  :)
Like I said earlier, I'm not sure, I just think...
93 93/93  Ricky

Reply. When a student begins a sentence by saying "First let me say that I am no where near an Exempt Adept so for the most part I am definitely talking out of my ass", it shows a level head. Good, stay smart. ... We have someone in our A.'.A.'. lineage who was positioned in the sphere of Hod as a Practicus who recently, behind everyone's back including his superior, took the Oath of the Abyss and then afterwards explained why he felt the need to do this and what it means to him. I just wrote to him last night saying - "Still, most of what you write has nothing to do with the Abyss. I guess I’m not getting through to you. What is sad is that you say that you haven’t taken ‘an’ oath for any egotistical reasons but, on the other hand you are indirectly saying that Crowley, Parsons, Grady and myself are all wrong with what the Oath actually entails and that you, and you alone, a low initiate no higher than the sphere of Hod, knows the truth as to what it ‘really’ implies; therefore you jumped and swore the Oath ‘correctly’ ?" ... Ricky, the reason we are having this talk on the blog is that I occassionally see a student tragically misunderstanding what the taking of the Oath implies and I thought, if I could just awaken a few other students somewhere out there in the world to be 'smart', then this discussion over the week will be worth it.

Aleister Crowley - “... when the Exempt Adept reaches the Frontier of the Abyss, his Holy Guardian Angel leaves him, and this is the one supreme terror of that passage.” ... and crossing the desert of sand takes approximately four years for what Crowley carefully describes to Frater Achad as 'connecting the wires.'  FOUR YEARS WITHOUT ANGELIC GUIDANCE.

You analogy about how 'Grady told you that "you could kill [him]" is very good. For quite some time before I actually took the Oath Grady carefully prepared not only myself, but him and those around me. If the theory is correct; that a teacher moves forward by the actions of his students and they in turn are pulled up by his ... then what happens to a person's students if he decided to skip numerous spheres (mountain peaks) and jump into the Abyss? He can not pull them up to where he now thinks he should reside and they’ll only hold him back by their weight - the alternative?  Magickally, in effect, he must cut them loose in order for himself to be successful. 

This was the old mountain climbing analogy that Grady always used of two people on a rope climbing the mountain (i.e. teacher and student). The teacher can only go so high until the rope becomes tight; he then must assist the student upward a few more rocks so that he too can advance. Had our recent Practicus discussed with us his ‘ambitions’ to take the Oath before doing so, as Grady did with me, I would have immediately explained what he had to do and pulled his students away from him so that he could succeed. ... but he didn't do this, he simply slit their throats and selfishly thought of only himself, not them. We're now trying hard to 'grab his student's hands' so that they don't tumble and luckily we're pulling them to safety. ... Sadly, this Practicus writes how his intent is of "guiding humanity forward... and as you have taught me... if I can provide even one stepping stone for anyone in their path... then I have done much." ... First of all, I never taught him to cast his students to the wind like they were unwanted clothes. Grady warned me that if I did such these 'loose ends' (rope) would carry such a karmic weight that it would be insurmountable for me to achieve in the Abyss. 

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7:30am Greg writes - "Dear Jerry, 93  I just read your latest blog entry on the subject of "The Oath of the Abyss?" and an idea came into my mind about the possible nature of what is implied. Liber AL states that "Every man and every woman is a star." I asked myself, what happens to a star in space when it goes through a cataclysmic change? It becomes a black hole, sucking all light and matter into it's center. Is that what is meant when Grady told you that you may kill him? That he may be unavoidably drawn-in to the event horizon? This would also reflect in the fact that other people around you would be affected too? I am seeing that to take the Oath of the Abyss is the equivalent of a star going through this massive change to come out the other side as something of a completely different nature. Am i on the right track or is this Malkuthian thinking? 
 93 93/93  Greig

Reply: Greg see my earlier posting today at 7:00am on this topic but when I mentioned about how Grady told me - 'I could kill him' by taking the Oath ... It is because, if he has to put his ‘thought’ back into the Abyss (as you can do with any area on the Tree once you’ve accomplished it) then his own Angel would have to step aside while he was focusing on how to guide me properly. In other words, Grady’s Angelic side could not immerse itself into Chaos. So part of the symbiotic relationship of teacher-student is for the teacher to carefully prepare himself so that the student's actions don't knock him off the mountain. Simple enough.

If this does not occur, and the student goes behind the teacher's back to swear the Oath it could be catastrophic. If, out of the blue, the teacher finds this out it is only naturally for him to immediately scream "What the fuck!" and then, in thinking about his student's actions, wham, he too is back into an area he may or may not wanted to be. He's unprepared.

It has taken me over a week to re-center myself after this Practicus in our lineage, behind my back, decided to take the Oath of the Abyss. Whether or not he actually swore 'the' correct Oath or not, it still affected me and all week long I was faltering on Malkuth with silly ‘accidents.’ Like me walking off the curb the other day and almost being hit by a car by inches. My mind was so swimming with thoughts of him, how to guide him etc, that I almost did something really stupid that would have cost me my life. I also walked into a door jam going to the bathroom just after typing an email off to him, I even clumsily dropped a glass in the kitchen smashing it, I also broke my favorite cereal bowl on another day. All week long I’ve not been ‘focused’ on Malkuth. It's as if my head has been in the clouds. I can easily do something really 'dangerous' if I do not get myself 'focused.' ... This Practicus' actions have forced me back into an area of the Tree I’m not sure I was ready to deal with again; although I’m feeling far more comfortable with it now but his actions are so ego oriented and selfish; never once thinking about others. Even others in our A.'.A.'. close to this Practicus has been doing ‘stupid’ things all week.  

And as I wrote in the earlier posting - "... this Practicus writes how his intent is of "guiding humanity forward... and as you have taught me... if I can provide even one stepping stone for anyone in their path... then I have done much." ... Ya, like he'll succeed just fine, I say sarcastically shaking my head in disbelief. He is carrying such a karmic weight by his actions (and words) that it will be insurmountable for him to achieve anything ... so anyone thinking about taking this Oath in the future; think about others around you FIRST! Remember, if you've convinced yourself that you're taking the Oath of the Abyss for the sake of humanity, you'll only achieve shit as you stand on a mountain peak built metaphorically on the corspes of your friends, students and teacher.

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7:45am Dave Solina from Florida sent me this email, sorta fitting - "93 oops.... I need to slow down. I did find this amuzing.    http://www.themagickalreview.org/occult-newswire/story04.php
Enjoy 93 93/93  David

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8:20am To Luis .... "Here is a quote to all those 'thinking' about taking the Oath of the Abyss, it is one of Aleister Crowley's first warnings of obvious failure (prior to even taking it). Grady told me to read this and study certain things before taking the Oath. If I fail to fulfill this simple task, the Oath was all but impossible.

"... it is the A.'.A.'., whose members are extremely careful 
to make no statement at all that cannot be verified in the usual manner;  
or where this is not easy, at least avoid anything like a dogmatic statement." 
- Aleister Crowley

The quote above is from Book Four the Chapter VI on Dhyana. Also, do you have a copy of Regardie’s The Eye in the Triangle? If so, review pages 329-337. It’ll explain more."

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8:45am Mary, apparently angrily, wants to know if "we expelled this Practicus who went behind your back" and "is he doomed in your magickal Order" ...Reply: Good questions. Absolutely not, he's not expelled. It would be utterly tragic on our part, when a student hits, in this case his first 'glitch', to simply discard him. No, he's going through a difficult period and as I already told him, I am here for him, to walk him out of a silly predicament that he's walked himself into. The saving grace is that this Practicus really didn't swear the Oath of the Abyss so he doesn't have to deal with any really karmic slaps (mentioned in earlier emails today) outside of simply being silly. Who hasn't done something magickcaly silly in their lifetime? If not, then you can negatively criticize this young pup, but if you have, then offer your hand so he doesn't fall off the mountain. 

To explain, I wrote - " ... Like many who might accidentally read the Oath of the Abyss out of a book or some magician who thinks that they can simply utter the Oath in a magickal setting and it will set it automatically in motion ... your saving grace is that you really didn’t take the Oath. ... Your last email and previous only reads as text book examples of Crowley stating why he could hand a typist some sexual doctrine without fear of abuse, or why a child could read incantations out of magickal grimoires, or why some foolhardy could take a Magickal Oath ... and nothing at all happens to any of them. Its called training, they all lack knowing the proper ‘Intent’ behind the incantation or how they must ‘think’; especially in the case of the Oath of the Abyss in order for it to project your soul into this area. 
Yes, it is said that if you ‘TAKE’ the Oath it is irrevocable, but the key word here is that you didn’t take ‘The’ Oath. You simply took what you assumed to be your interpretation of such as your goal from the point of view of someone low on the Tree; which I might add is text book wrong but, in truth, it is exactly how many people interpret it. Thankfully this ‘safeguard’ is in place; otherwise we’d have lots of people running around and frying out there. ... This is why I wanted you to define your interpretation of the Oath. I needed to see, as your immediate superior in the Order, what you had ‘actually’ set in motion by what you ‘thought’ the Oath involves. Although noble, it’ll hardly throw you into the Abyss. Sorry. We should talk more. There is no shame in being silly, we’ve all done it before. There is only shame in knowing the Truth and ceasing to ignore it because your ego won’t let you face the obvious phantom you’ve unleashed. But, at least now we know what your inevitable aspiration is and we can guide you more correctly toward this goal. 
The bottom line, by ‘thinking’ incorrectly you did a ritual hoping for ‘Money’ but all you’re going to find is a penny. Something will always happen in magick but what you set in motion is purely Malkuthian; no higher. If you truly understood the ‘simplicity’ behind the ‘Intent’ of what the Oath implies, you sit back and go, “Ah, damn ... ”  
I wish you had come to me earlier, I could have guided you better but at least you have been saved [this time around] and for that I am thankful. I do not want to lose you."

The bottom line, perhaps this Practicus' unconscious purpose unbeknownst to even himself has not been so much to actually take the Oath as to force us in our A.'.A.'. lineage to 'define' this process more carefully. For that we can only be thankful to him because, as all in the Inner Order know, we learn by example. He has thrown himself on the fire for other's sake down the road. Now that is noble. For this reason, we cannot expel him, nor think ill of him. He's still a magician, a Thelemite and most of all ... a friend.

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9:10am Mick writes this brilliant gem, with great personal insights - "Jerry 93. Hope all went well yesterday and recent perturbations can be turned into a powerful learning process for everyone effected. I'm certainly paying attention. In a lot of ways many of the topics/events you've been teaching from over the past year have resonances in my own past history with a certain "fraternity." Being able to observe and learn has been enormously helpful in clarifying their motivations and actions toward me. 
Unknowingly at various times I've found myself somewhat cast in the roles being played out now in the A:.A:.. I'm pretty frequently finding myself saying, "Ah! So that's what was going on there! That's what they thought I was all about!" Fortunately for me, my intentionality has been quite a bit removed from what was perceived and so I've (more or less by heart) been able to maintain my integrity in the face of it. But these days I'm becoming more aware of some of the dynamics that happen in occult orders - legitimate and otherwise. 
To think now that I ever took the Oath of the Abyss myself, intented to, or even conceived of what it meant is patently absurd in the light of better understanding my journey so far. It's as if the ordeals I've gone through have been the result of that order's phantoms clashing with my own phantoms; not a spiritual process at all but a deadly, costly role-playing game for all concerned - apparently. 
I now consider my magickal life up to this point as a kind of simulated trial run - a Kether in Malkuth moment in eternity, if you will. 
Whether or not I will in ernest ever take such an oath myself seems quite far ahead of me now. And if I ever do, I think I'll do it when the forces of my discipline and training have gathered to a tangibly focused pitch - and under the personal counsel of my immediate teacher. I think the signs will be there when the time is ripe. Perhaps being able to recognize those signs is the main purpose of developing one's own highly individualized language of conversation with the so-called HGA and knowing when it's time to cut the tether.
Knowing and communicating when the student's cycles of development are at their fullness is the responsibility of both the teacher and the student. I believe now the two must be in conscious harmony for the Oath to be in effect.
What is the Abyss? What is that tractless emptiness beyond the stars? What is the Desert of the Real? How does the experience play out in the student's psyche and in the horizontal field of action? I'll have to contemplate that some more before I try to express my own perceptions on the matter.
I remember there's a section in The Vision and the Voice that deals with the experience of the Abyss, and although the entire Book of Lies is a handbook for the so-called Babe of the Abyss, could you direct me to a particularly pertinent lie or two I might mine for clues? Any assistance is appreciated.
Mick  93 93/93

Reply: I like to have students read Frater Achad's Liber CLXV titled 'A Master of the Temple' which is found in The 'Blue' Equinox Vol.III No.1 pgs. 128-170. It has great insights throughout and although the journey is always different for each one of us, his path still offers you the flavor of the journey. 
Also, read Regardie’s The Eye in the Triangle pages 329-337. 

We'll also be posting other references on this blog as this topic continues to unfold. I think it is going to be a 'hot' topic ...

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9:20am For those interested, read - Liber OS ABYSMI vel Daath, Svb Figvra CDLXXIV (474). Crowley says it is "An instruction in a purely intellectual method of entering the Abyss."  It is known as The Book of the Mouth of the Abyss or of Knowledge (Daath). You can also find it listed on our ‘Contents’ page.

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10:25am In regards to my 8:45am posting one initiate, who wishes to remain anonymous, talked to me on the phone from just down the street and said something along the lines that at least the fire of the burning Practicus is bright enough so that he can clearly see his way now! ... Ouch! ... Another person, or maybe it was me, is advising people to bring marshmallows. ... Sadly, since he was just a Practicus when he threw himself on the fire, the smoke is blowing downhill and hence, we're all choking and gagging from the fall-out. [I hope he realizes we're not laughing at him, but with him?]

"The common defect of all mystical systems to that of the Aeon whose Law is Thelema 
is that there has been no place for Laughter."
 - Aleister Crowley. 

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10:40am Jay writes - "93 Jerry, As far as Liber OS Abysmi goes, I can confirm absolutely that this works. When I was about 19 I did this working on accident (I had actually never heard of it as yet, though even then I considered myself a Thelemite). I was looking to major in philosophy at the time and was wholy immersed in picking apart all ofknowledge,  reality, language and ego. The catalyst was a night of that peculiar dissasociative known as Salvia Divinorum. I spent the entire next day trying to convince myself that tangible reality was real, that my body was real; I had intellectually disintegrated everything we commonly take for "reality." Even then I remember feeling that I had somehow begun to edge into the Abyss and, recognizing the danger, did everything in my power to tether myself back to Malkuth. Fortunately the struggle only lasted about two days. It's interesting to consider this "Mouth of the Abyss or Knowledge." Even then I recognized that what I was "attaining" was truly Knowledge, but I was far from prepared to assimilate it. It doesn't help that I had done this operation by accident and being unprepared to confront Choronzon head-on I had no choice but to turn and flee... Love, Jay 93 93/93."

Reply: I've been married before, I understand ...

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10:45am Mike writes and amusing email, part of which he asks - “You have stated that it is not your views that he took the Oath of the Abyss, why so and if not, what is happening to him that seemingly has you concerned?”  

Reply: Like all teachers, we rely on what we know; by what we’ve been taught by our teachers, by what we’ve read and of our own personal experiences first hand. Grady always told me to ‘write’ things very carefully after taking the Oath because each ‘Word’ becomes part of your Soul’s unconscious affirmation toward your conscious success or not in crossing the desert of sand. If your ‘Word’ implies even one Iota toward what YOU want to achieve, or me, me, me, me, me, then you are holding back drops of blood from the Chalice of Babalon (Binah). You fail. In fact, you cannot even enter the Abyss with this attitude; its one of its fail safe mechanism. You must enter it correctly. ... The Abyss, although it must be discussed in such a manner for people to understand, is NOT all about you. 

What is happening to this Practicus? I’ve seen this pattern before, most teachers have. He’s is not in the Abyss but simply in the Qlippoth of Hod; bathed in the Intellectual Pit of Because trying to ‘justify’ to ‘himself’, more so than to us, that he’s right and everyone else is wrong ... it’s a classic text book example of a magickal ‘obsessive’ meltdown. He can’t even become a Black Brother because in theory he’s never really entered the Abyss ... and tragically, unless he comes to his senses, his ‘magickal obsession' will inevitably force him to move 'on' and away from the the A.’.A.’. ... In the case of a magickal obsession this is because a person’s ego defense kicks into over-drive; they can’t face their phantoms and vaniquish a growing ego, so they often run off to create their own Order so that they can rewrite the Magickal Laws to prove their own greatness while indirectly hiding their inability to fulfill something correctly. This new quest often has them seeking out others who’ll believe them and of course, these will be people whom are always on Malkuth. Anyway, knowing this Practicus who recently attempted to swear the Oath of the Abyss, this is not his destiny. He's too good for that. I suspect him and I will be sitting here at a local bar tossing down a pitcher of beer and having a good laugh over this someday. So you ask - "Is there hope for him?" Of course, all serious magicians have ‘glitches’ or occasional magickal meltdowns. It’s why we need teachers; to pick us up, dust us off, blow our nose and point us toward where we should be going ... 

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5:00pm Regarding the Abyss, consider this section from Liber vel Thisharb, sub figura CMXIII in Magick in Theory & Practice :

0. This book is not intended to lead to the supreme attainment. On the
contrary, its results define the separate being of the Exempt Adept 
from the rest of the Universe, and discover his relation to that
Universe. 

1.  It is of such importance to the Exempt Adept that We cannot overrate
it. Let him in no wise adventure the plunge into the Abyss until he have
accomplished this to his most perfectest satisfaction. 

2.  For in the Abyss no effort is anywise possible. The Abyss is passed by
virtue of the mass of the Adept and his Karma. Two forces impel him:
the attraction of Binah, the impulse of his Karma; and the ease and 
even the safety of his passage depend on the strength and direction of
the latter. 

3.  Should one rashly dare the passage, and take the irrevocable Oath of
the Abyss, he might be lost therein through Aeons of incalculable
agony; he might even be thrown back upon Chesed, with the terrible
Karma of failure added to his original imperfection. 

4.  It is even said that in certain circumstances it is possible to fall 
ltogether from the Tree of Life, and to attain the Towers of the Black
Brothers. But We hold that this is not possible for any adept who has
truly attained his grade, or even for any man who has really sought to
help humanity even for a single second, and that although his aspiration
have been impure through vanity or any similar imperfection. 

5. Let then the Adept who finds the result of these meditations
unsatisfactory refuse the Oath of the Abyss, and live so that his Karma 
gains strength and direction suitable to the task at some future period. 

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5:45pm Although the whole book is great, consider a few of these quotes from Book 4 from the Sangreal Foundation, Inc (Dallas, Tx 1972) edition : 

"The Master of the Temple asks, on seeing a slug: 'What is the purpose of this message from the Unseen? How shall I interpret this Word of God Most High?' "  - pgs. 76-77

"A real Magical Oath cannnot be broken : you think it can, but it can't.
This is the advantage of a real Magical Oath." - pg. 81

"All impressions are disconnected, as the Babe of the Abyss is so terribly aware; and the Master of the Temple must sit for 106 seasons in the City of the Pyramid because this coordination is a tremendous task." - pg. 84

"The Master of the Temple, whose grade corresponds to Binah, is sworn to "interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with my soul." But even the beginner may attempt this practice with advantage." - pgs. 85-86

"And so we find once more that the Ego-idea must be ruthlessly root out before Understanding can be attained.
There is an apparent contradiction between this attitude and that of the Master of the Temple. What can possibly be more selfish than this interpretation of everything as the dealing of God with my soul?
  But it is God who is all and not any part : and every 'dealing' must thus be an expansion of the soul, a destruction of its separateness." - pg. 86

"The Master of the Temple has crossed the Abyss, has entered the Palace of the King's Daughter; he has only to utter one word, and all is dissolved. But, instead of that, he is found hidden in the earth, tending a garden." - pg. 88

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6:45pm Ricky writes - "Dear Jerry 93! I was writing a tome on this question I have regarding Grady and the Abyss and decided that it was stupid so I'll just sum it up. Who did Grady get this guidance/ interpretation of the Oath from? It seems his Superior was in no way fitted to give it. Could it have been analogous to the OTO grades of VII and VIII in that they represent sort of a Macro-cosmic mirror of the event? Or was it pure Gnosis? 93 93/93 Ricky ."

Reply: Great question. Grady was taught magick by Crowley who admits that he taught Grady more magickal theory (especially about OTO) than anyone in his entire life. It is no secret that nearing the end of his life he felt the need to teach someone the secrets of 'how to interpret' his works before it died with him. Grady was all ears. Grady was also a close personal friend of Jack Parsons who swore the Oath of the Abyss, and in the old days, even right up until Grady's death, magickal theory was openly discussed and talked about amongst magicians. ... Basically, once you got some insight into 'how' to read Crowley his teachings unfold to you and in the past, everyone benefited by what each other read and experienced. We are trying to do this again on our blog; teaching theory etc. 
This 'openness of teaching magick' in the OTO became frowned upon after Fra. HB took over the Order in 1985 and for well over fifteen years or so we entered a dark period of discussions and writing about magickal theory. Everyone seemed more concerned with politics and who hated HB, why, and who was the real OTO bla bla bla ... 
As for the A.'.A.'. - Grady always said that a Third Degree OTO initiate should become a Probationer ... and yes, VIIth & VIIIth degree OTO is the horizontal to the AA's vertical and this is why, once its secrets became known as to how and why this is so, many of the old Agape Lodge members decided to swear the Oath of the Abyss upon assuming IXth Degree. The most famous being Jack Parsons. .... Many of them, of course, failed. This was because they didn't have the secrets behind VIIth & VIIIth Degree or the foundation stones; only Grady knew those ... and by the time he got back from World War II he had a falling out with some of them and he simply had no interest in sharing the vital info. 

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Consider this quote by Aleister Crowley about 'jumping' into the Abyss, the reasoning and failures, which is found in Liber Aleph - "Of the Black Brothers, o my Son, will I write these Things following. I have told thee already concerning Change, how it is the Law, because every Change is an Act of Love under will. So then He that is Adept Exempt, whether in our Holy Order or another, may not remain in the Pillar of Mercy, because it is not balanced, but is unstable. Therefore is the Choice given unto him, whether he will destroy his Temple, and give up his Life, extending it to Universal Life, or whether he will make a Fortress about that Temple, and abide therein, in the false Sphere of Daath, which is in the Abyss. And to the Adepts of our Holy Order this Choice is terrible; by Cause that they must abandon even Him whose Knowledge and Conversation they have attained. Yet, o my Son, they have much Help of our Order in this Aeon, because the general Formula is Love, so that their habit itself urges them to the Bed of our Lady BABALON. Know then the Black Brothers by this true Sign of their Initiation of iniquity, that they resist Change, restrict and deny Love, fear Death. Percutiantur." - (De Fratribus Nigris Filiis Iniquitatis, pg.104)

Note: The "Knowledge and Conversation" to which Crowley refers is that of his Higher Self in Tiphereth and not
his (objective) Angel. He would explain this in Magick Without Tears.

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Monday August 17th 2009 – 7:06am The Practicus who had the 'Oath of the Abyss' glitch recently sent me a brief email this morning, he writes - "I don't know what I 'want to do' ... but as you pointed out it may take years, if ever, for me to come to 'my senses'... so maybe just let me be for now, to sort things out on my own... for those who will label me just "another example of 'magickal obsession' where a magician inevitably finds the need to move 'on' and is labeled ‘crazy.’"... so be it."

Reply: My advice is a lesson that all my students should carefully hear - I wrote: "Yes, it may take you years to 'come to your senses'  ... had you taken the Oath of the Abyss ... In your case, it all depends upon how fast you can pick yourself up after the horse has bucked you, dust yourself off and ask your instructor how do I get back on?  .... We all make mistakes .... the biggest you’ll make is giving everyone the excuse to label you ‘crazy’ by disappearing; hence running into the Qlipphoth of Hod. My advice is to get off your fucking ego, simply start ‘laughing’ and tell everyone ‘opps’ and move on. Its no biggie! This has been a great learning lesson for you and for others and if you truly want to ‘guide humanity’ as you claim, you’ve offered yourself as an example! ... In the A.’.A.’. there can be no better teacher. 
Anyway, this has been your first serious ‘glitch’ moving vertical. We’ve all had them; read Crowley’s life, Grady’s and even my own. What has happened to you is nothing special and for the record; you’ll also have other future ‘glitches’ ... nobody, I mean NOBODY climbs the Tree of Life and doesn’t sooner or later stumble. We can only truly judge where our students reside until they fall. Prior to this they can fool us as to their accomplishments. Haven’t I always taught you that according to the Qabalah we don’t belong in the Tree and that nature is constantly trying to ‘right the wrong’ and force us back to the ground? What makes you think you’re so special that you, and you alone, are not ever going to have an ‘opps’ ? 
An ‘opps’ is like walking into a room full of cute girls in High School with your zipper down. Yes it’s an embarassing moment. Some will laugh at you and yes you’ll want to run and hide ... but four years later does it really matter or is it just a good story? But if you ran off and hide for those four years how much have you miss out on? .... so don’t be stupid."

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7:30am I wrote to another student regarding coming through the Abyss and how if you start getting things handed to you on a silver platter it might imply that you are finally accomplishing your True Will and the Universe is working with you ... but, on the other hand  - "Ah, the dangers of being in the Abyss; Up in Down, Light is Darkness and just when you think everything is going your way on Malkuth you find a snickering Demon hiding in the shadows. Then, just as you’re about to turn and run, your Demon hands you a diploma into The Black Brotherhood. After all, you’ve accepted his gifts on Malkuth, obviously withholding blood from the Chalice, so what do you expect?" ... Crossing is not as easy as you think. 

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2:08pm Ben sent an email. He writes - "Jerry, 93 In The Unknown God, p. 50 is the following: '...Crowley told Jones that anyone could assert their right to hold the grade of Magister Templi by swearing the Oath of the Abyss...Crowley saw no fault in one's taking the Oath when it was appropriate in one's path, but it was an extremely serious step, guarded about on all sides with snares set to destroy the presumptuous or the unworthy. In an undated note on the grade of Magister Templi (ca. 1943, HPS Papers) titled "Smith + 8=3" Crowley commented: "Now the rule is that if you claim to be 8=3, you are 8=3!  And God help you!  You accept the conditions - see Liber 418.  If there is one drop of your blood that has not gone into the cup of 156, it corrupts the whole man."  It was the only grade of the A.'.A.'. that could be so claimed.  To take this step when one was unprepared for the burdens of the grade was to court the most serious danger to health and sanity.  Hubris in this manner would be definitely be followed by Nemesis.'  
So my question is this, what is the context of the quote from Helen's papers? That quote from Crowley does seem to imply that done is done (success vs. Black Brotherhood) when it comes to the Oath of the Magister Templi. I like the way that Mr. Starr has written the whole of the above, because it seems to confirm what we've been talking about this weekend, but I feel that this could be an important point in the future. Also, when Crowley directs the reader to Liber 418 is there a passage in particular, because I immediately inferred the 13th, 7th and 6th Aethyrs?
Anyway, cup o' joe around 12.30?  We could talk then.
93/93 Ben

Reply : I agree, done is done but the question that we have been discussing is whether or not the Practicus even took the proper Oath of the Abyss in the first place - to get it 'done.' ... Crowley does say “A real Magical Oath cannot be broken : you think it can, but it can't. This is the advantage of a real Magical Oath." ... The key word being ‘real’ ... Yes, everything you utter in a magickal setting does comes true but one of the reasons why magicians must keep Magickal Diaries is that it helps ‘define’ things; hence the Intent and it shows us down the road what was really set in motion if the assumed ‘Intent’ doesn’t come true. 
 I met with Ben for coffee around twelve-thirty and we discussed all this in-depth. It appears Helen's quote that is mentioned above is more generic. Ben did make a good point; that I should tell people that they should be very aware of whom they quote and if the authors are A.'.A.'. ... and most important, are they high enough up on the Tree to 'interpret' the area to which they speak. Time and time again we see people, many no higher than Malkuth, speaking from an 'authoritarian' point-of-view as if they 'know' what magicians are really doing specific areas.  

 Also, to answer Ben's earlier question, consider this: 

"It is very curious; they seem to be looking for one another or for something, all the time, constantly hurrying about. But they knock up against one another and yet will not see one another, or cannot see one another, because they are so shut up in their cloaks. 
And a voice sounds: It is most terrible for the one that hath shut himself up and made himself fast against the universe. For they that sit encamped upon the sea in the city of the Pyramids are indeed shut up. But they have given their blood, even to the last drop, to fill the cup of BABALON.
These that thou seest are indeed the Black Brothers ..." 
        - The Vision & The Voice, 7th Aethyr
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4:15pm In our never ending struggle to Understand the Magister Templi and the Oath of the Abyss this week I suggest that my readers consider this quote from Magick Without Tears in Chapter 50 - 'A.C. and the "Masters"; Why they Chose him.' 

"It is most necessary that you should understand what happens when on goes from Adeptus Exemptus 7° = 4° to Magister Templi 8° = 3°.  As you see from a glance at the Tree of Life, this advance entails the Crossing of the Abyss; and there is no Path.  That means that one must jump.  You must get rid of "all that you have, and all that you are"—that is one way to put it.
The Vision and the Voice, Aethyrs XVI—end, gives an immense amount of detail; it must be studied intensely, with diligence, with Will, and with imagination.  Not only the attainment of the grade, but the events which go with, or come after, it; all these are described as actual Experience.  Even so, it is all extraordinarily difficult until you have been through it yourself."

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5:30pm To address my own question, or why there isn't any 'Circle Squared' degree symbols related to the Abyss; before I get any further stupid emails about parallel universes or Chaos theories, it all has to do with the Angel and Demon. Remember what Aleister Crowley said - “... when the Exempt Adept reaches the Frontier of the Abyss, his Holy Guardian Angel leaves him, and this is the one supreme terror of that passage.”  [The 'Blue' Equinox III:1, Liber LXXI, The Voice of The Silence, Section III:24] so, with that in mind; if the Circle represents the Angel and the Square represents the Demonic 'forces' ... well, do I have to paint you a picture?  All you have left is the 'square' when you 'jump' into the Abyss! Hence, no circle squared.

And I ask myself, "But isn't the square in each symbol of A.'.A.'. grades a reference to the type of lower energy that must be controlled that is rooted in Malkuth?"  Why, yes I add, and if you are left with just the square then perhaps there are secrets here ... no? Consider how Saturn is the Qabalistic sphere ruling the grade of Magister Templi and how it rules the card of the Universe. Isn't this path of The Universe located on the Tree of Life uniting Malkuth with Yesod? A wise magician will think on this in relationship to crossing the Abyss. A really wise magician will wonder why it here we find The Dweller on the Threshold! (Liber 777 Col. CLXXXIII). 

"It encourages me immensely; for if my Dweller on the Threshold be the most formidable devil, how vast must be the Pylon that shelters him, and how glorious must be the Temple beyond!"
John St. John, The Equinox Vol.I No.1 pg.85

Note: 
1. The phrase 'The Dweller on the Threshold' first appeared in Bulwer-Lytton's novel Zanoni 
referring to an invisible malevolent entity that attaches to human beings. 

2. I should point out that the phrases most often attributed to the path of The Universe are
"Cosmic Consciousness" and, more important, "Dominion and Slavery."

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Tuesday August 18th 2009 – 6:10am Consider this piece written by Aleister Crowley in Liber Aleph which explains why an Adept Exempt must 'jump' into the Abyss and what happens if he fails. - "Of the Black Brothers, o my Son, will I write these Things following. I have told thee already concerning Change, how it is the Law, because every Change is an Act of Love under Will. So then he that is Adept Exempt, whether in our Holy Order or another, may not remain in the Pillar of Mercy, because it is not balanced, but is unstable. Therefore is the Choice given unto him, whether he will destroy his Temple, and give up his Life, extending it to Universal Life, or whether he will make a Fortress about that Temple, and abide therein, in the false Sphere of Daath, which is in the Abyss. And to the Adepts of our Holy Order this Choice is terrible; by Cause that they must abandon even Him whose Knowledge and Conversation they have attained. Yet, o my Son, they have much Help of our Order in this Aeon, because the general Formula is Love, so that their habit itself urges them to the Bed of our Lady BABALON. Know then the Black Brothers by these true Sign of their Initiation of iniquity, that that they resist Change, restrict and deny Love, fear Death. Percutiantur." 
- On the Black Brothers, Sons of Iniquity, pg.104

Note: The 'Knowledge and Conversation' to which Crowley refers is actually his Higher Self in Tiphereth and not
that of the actual 'objective' Angel; he would make this distinction in Magick Without Tears.

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11:30am Here are some more lessons for all to learn. I have been chatting back and forth with Frater T’ai Li Heng about the Oath of the Abyss, magickal obsessions and other subjects; part of which reads -"Yes, [this Practicus] still befuddles me too. You wrote – “His psychological complex must run deep” ... and they do; he and his father fight like cats and dogs. It is amusing that the ‘first’ obligation that I imposed upon him outside of his general practices was to begin the Circle Squared Diary so we could establish his ‘glitch’ ... Now, regarding the 40 Buddhist Meditations, the one attributed to Hod is “Analysis into 4 Elements” (777 Col.XXIII) which is why I wanted him to reflect upon the ‘Square’ (Elements, Malkuthian) in that sphere, Yesod and Malkuth and let us know his understanding of how he is ‘controlling’ these while building a Temple (Circle) for his Spirit. He is obviously ‘thinking’ wrong somewhere, but where? ... Instead of fulfilling this requirement, what does he do? Nothing! He refuses to do what I requested and defiantly takes the Oath of the Abyss behind our back instead, as if this will get him away from ‘dad.’ If we are suppose to interpret every phenomenon to be a direct dealing with God and our soul; he’s beginning by blindly denying why he’s jumping out of the frying pan into the Fire (of Hell). [As magicians, we cannot not believe in coincidence, ... otherwise, why keep diaries to help us discover our unconscious behavior?]
Is it Hod you ask?  Yes. It is ‘Intellect’ gone haywire trying to justify ‘his’ Universe above Nuit’s. Also, not a good start when throwing yourself into the Abyss hoping to embrace Nuit. It dooms you from the start. 
Sadly, being ‘obsessed in Hod’, I am reminded of Grady’s talk about how its impossible to stay in any given sphere of the Left or Right Hand Pillars for too long. Nature cannot allow a person to be 'unbalanced' in their Ruach and if you don't keep moving forward, you’ll fall (and I can hear Grady laughing, choking on pot saying “a snail’s pace is OK, just keep moving!”). Crowley, and even most magickal schools in general, will tell you that the most comfortable stopping places are always on The Middle Pillar. However, since our little [Practicus] cannot go forward until he resolves issues, he must get his 'act together' or he'll be thrown out to Malkuth. Then, to paraphrase Phyllis Seckler, “Fruit that falls from the Tree doesn’t re-attach itself.” 

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11:40am It was in October of 1908 that Aleister Crowley performed a Magical Retirement in Paris which he refers to as John St. John (The Equinox Vol.I No.1) Of course the 'Great Obligation' that he mentions is based upon the magickal principles and theory of The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. He had established the A.’.A.’. less than a year earlier and was still coming to terms with ‘New Aeonic’ ideas, while often using the old, or that which he knew and felt comfortable. Still, as an over-view of one's affirmations leading up to the 'Oath of the Abyss', it is gem to consider.

To quote a part from John St. John : "Quite slowly and simply therefore did I wash myself and robe myself as laid down in the Goetia, taking the Violet Robe of an Exempt Adept (being a single Garment), wearing the Ring of an Exempt Adept, and that Secret Ring which had been entrusted to my keeping by the Masters.  Also I took the Almond Wand of Abramelin and the Secret Tibetan Bell, made from Electrum Magicum with its striker of human bone.  I took also the magical knife, and the holy Anointing Oil of Abramelin the Mage."
 I began then quite casually by performing the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram, finding to my great joy and some surprise that the Pentagrams instantly formulated themselves, visible to the material eye as it were bars of shining blackness deeper than the night.
 I then consecrated myself to the Operation; cutting the Tonsure upon my head, a circle, as it were to admit the light of infinity: and cutting the cross of blood upon my breast, thus symbolising the equilibration of and the slaying of the body, while loosing the blood, the first projection in matter of theuniversal Fluid.
 The whole formulating the Ankh--the Key of Life!
 I gave moreover the signs of the grades from 0= 0 to 7 = 4.

 Then did I take upon myself the Great Obligation as follows:

I.   I (name) a member of the Body of God, hereby bind myself on behalf
of the whole Universe, even as we are now physically bound unto the
cross of suffering: 

II.   that I will lead a pure life, as a devoted servant of the Order: 

III.  that I will understand all things: 

IV.  that I will love all things: 

V.   that I will perform all things and endure all things: 

VI. that I will continue in the Knowledge and Conversation of My Holy
Guardian Angel. 

VII. that I will work without attachment: 

VIII. that I will work in truth: 

IX.   that I will rely only upon myself: 

X.   that I will interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God
with my soul. 

And if I fail herein, may my pyramid be profaned, and the Eye be closed upon me!"

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2:10pm pm Regarding what we've been talking about today or of a magickal blow-out in Hod; let me address a few incoming emails from a different point-of view so that you all might understand what I mean. I am not sure I'm making myself clear. ... The term 'blow-out' is a reference to any uncontrolled issue that are occurring in a specific chakra which one is presently working with; issues either in your mind, your health, or in your life (i.e. Malkuth); or all of the above. As a scientist, magicians use 'themselves' as the great experiment and occasionally we blow up a test tube or two by accident. No biggie. Just clean up the mess, learn by it and move on! 

MIND : The sphere of Hod on the Tree of life is what in the east they call their Svadhisthana chakra. In his Introduction to The Tibetan book of the Dead (1960) Carl Jung (1875-1961), the founder of modern analytical psychology, writes, “One often hears and reads about the dangers of Yoga, particularly of the ill-reputed Kundalini Yoga. The deliberately induced psychotic state, which in certain unstable individuals might easily lead to a real psychosis, is a danger that needs to be taken very seriously indeed. These things really are dangerous and ought not to be meddled with in our typically Western way. It is a meddling with Fate, which strikes at the very roots of human existence and can let loose a flood of sufferings of which no sane person ever dreamed." ... In other words, if the Kundalini is incorrectly applied in any given Chakra, physical or mental disabilities can easily afflict an individual and often from a ‘psychologically point-of-view’ they appear to be plagued by manic and psychotic episodes as their internal pendulum swings from one extreme to another. It is not uncommon to find such individuals suffering from 'obsessive' periods of great elation or bliss to extreme anxiety and fear, often hallucinatory bordering on schizophrenia. This is not solely my belief on damaged chakras but Carl Jung's too. ... In most cases blow-outs in all of the Chakras affect the mind in a similar manner. To understand what actually occurs the best example is the similarities of your psychic system to twenty-two-gauge wire. How much current could you draw before the wires burned out? Could it draw 100 amps? Of course not; a burnout would be inevitable because most psychic systems are ill prepared for any influx or surge of ‘life current’ due to incorrectly using a Chakra. This is why magician study and try to do things correctly. There is a time tested system that seemingly works as if to slowly 'upgrade' your system (i.e. wires) as you climb the Tree. 

HEALTH : The Svadhisthana Chakra (8-Hod) is your conscious ego's way to meddle with the sexual Muladhara (9-Yesod) which is the libido and it does so either in a positive or negative way. It is said that the Svadhisthana rousts the Serpent (i.e. Kundalini) ... It is in the sphere of Hod that we intellectualize our sexual proclivities and work the often blind sexual libido to manifest our desire in our body; as we've come to understand them from childhood lessons about 'sex'. ... Blow out here or damage your Svadhisthana ... and kiss a healthy sex life good-bye. To quote one source - "Often, if there are issues in the Svadhisthana, impotence can become the physical disease in our bodies due to 'thought' being incorrectly used to move the libido over a period of time."  With women the sexual drive also dies ...

REALITY : From a mundane point-of-view a classic blowout in one's life would be rooted in faulty sexual urges (originating from 'thoughts' in Hod) that convince you that it's ok to be disrespectful of the Laws of your mates Universe while simply trying to get laid. Some men in OTO circles were 100% guilty of this because the Order taught that women were just 'vehicles' for men; so to the untrained it implied that they could be dishonest and lie, possibly even cheat or giving the impression of impropriety as long as they inevitably get into some girl's pants. Such mundane sexual shenanigans, all under the pretences of 'questing for spirituality' and 'learning sex magick', inevitably causes friction and fights in one's life because ensue ... screw up your Svadhisthana and usually "that which is concealed often becomes known." There are some classic stories about a few OTO bodies melting down due to their sexual antics - "Hey little girl, wanna be a priestess?" 

"I am the secret Serpent coiled about to spring: 
in my coiling there is joy. If I lift up my head, I and my Nuit are one. 
If I droop down mine head, and shoot forth venom, then is rapture of the earth, and I and the earth are one." - Liber AL vel Legis II:26

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2:00pm I received this email from Jerri; subject title "Abysmal thoughts..." , she writes, "93 Jerry,
Well here are a few of my mental ramblings regarding this Abys(mal) topic...I've no clue whatsoever, just throwing a couple of my thoughts out there...
 In my consideration of the process of crossing the Abyss, I've been pondering the circle/square concept quite a bit. No, there would be no circle/square...only the square. The square is analogous to our bodies, the base of the pyramid, and the elements right here on Earth, which we and the physical universe are all comprised of--it is the Demons who are the creators of the physical and we simply do not get rid of our Demon and LIVE-it is always with us!! 
Ok, so, why no circle?! This has been what is troubling me...but it makes intellectual sense to me in this regard- the 'Angel' and the 'Demon' are 'one' and the 'same' above the Abyss...I suppose it is the only way to describe that from down here below. From Below the Abyss, I can only think in these terms to describe it...I intellectually grasp that there still may be "separation" but instead of contradiction and duality, it is unity and oneness...the Abyss is the gateway (just as Yesod is the gateway of formation to the making...or material)
 Perhaps this is one way the path of the Universe and Saturn relates- Yesod to Malkuth is the descent of the astral imagination or formation into the world of making...Binah to the invisible Daath to Chesed might represent the spirit's descent, thus constriction and/or division into the Ruach, the creative world. Yesod would appear to be the lower octave of Daath. "imagination" (Yesod) vs "knowledge" (Daath)
 Also, the implication here, if I am to follow this intellectual thread of mine, there must be another "Dweller" in Yesod. Perhaps of a more personal or egoic type nature...in Daath the Dweller might be more Universal??? I've read a bit regarding this Dweller (on the Threshold of the Abyss), and one of the ideas seems to be that he is the astral representative of all of our evils, horrors, fears, and terrors (karmic debts, even???) from our previous incarnation that we must eventually face as they have been unconsciously shaping us since the beginning of our present incarnation...hmm...it seems that there must be far more to it than this though...I don't know...again, I've no clue...just a few of my thought processes....
 Hope you are having a fabulous day...be careful...I am worried about you...no walking in front of moving vehicles or leaving your door unlocked!!! If you start eating veggies, I am REALLY going to freak out!!!!
 93 93/93 Jerri 

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Wednesday August 19th 2009 – 4:15pm Mr Anonymous wants to know if I thought this “initiate who must have sworn the Oath of the Abyss and pissed you [i.e. me] off is really doomed?”  

Reply: Good question. We really don’t know the outcome of anyone’s ultimate quest but as teachers we are trained at not only guiding but knowing the pitfalls and advantages of each magickal degree. In other words, this Practicus’ behavior is text book failure; its like watching someone run in slow motion toward a cliff and you can see the outcome long before you hear him scream. We’ve been yelling at him to stop all week but inevitably, due to Free Will, the outcome is his to pick. The bottom line is that an Initiate should never be so presumptuous to think that he, and he alone, knows better than his teacher and then, at a critical moment, disregard their advice and keep running toward the cliff. Why bother joining a magickal fraternity if this be the case? A person joins the A.’.A.’. because they want the teachings, they want someone who has traversed in the areas of the Tree that they now seek and most important, they want someone to be watching their back so they don’t get in trouble.  Why ignore all this when you need it the most?  

The greater tragedy, above all else, is that this Practicus has walked himself into a corner thanks to the immensity of his ego. He can never admit to having erred, or even to apologize for his transgressions against his students, other local A.’.A.’. initiate or even to his Superior; all of whom he fucked over 'prior' to himtaking the Oath of the Abyss as a defense mechanism in order to avoid facing the music for the mess that he had recently created between three Clerk Houses. Yes folks, this was the Practicus’ way of saying “I took the Oath, I’m beyond your criticism and I don’t have to listen to you anymore. Everything is between God and me and I don’t have to prove anything to you.” ... Great reason for taking the Oath, no?  Anyway, to apologize now would mean that he swore the Oath of the Abyss on the bodies of fellow travelers and what kind of a foundation stone is this for the Pyramid that he's trying to build in Binah; the City of the Pyramids? Instead, it is simpler to throw 99% of all his friends and fellow travelers in Grady's A.'.A.'. aside like used clothes so that he can create phantoms of denial and believe whatever he wants.

Remember, the breakdown of the three grades in our Order is the man of Earth, the Lover and the Hermit. In One Star in Sight it refers to these as The Golden Dawn, the R.C. (Rose Croix) and the S.S. or Silver Star; this being the English for Argentium Astrum, or A.’.A.’..  Now in Liber LXI vel Causae it clearly states – “Listen, we pray you, with attention: for once only does the Great Order knock at any one door.”  This not only refers to Order as a whole but as Grady McMurtry often pointed out, it especially refers to the Inner Order of the A.’.A.’. to which many aspire in their Noble Quest. You have but one chance at crossing the Abyss and proving yourself worthy to reside in the City of the Pyramids and if you blow it, you can never attempt it again. Sadly, this Practicus' solution, rather than facing the obvious phantoms, is to hide himself away in his room; to lose all his many friends and associates, all the while babbling endlessly as he tries to convince himself in a Pit of Because that he hasn't screwed up the one goal that he so coveted his whole life.  

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Saturday August 22nd 2009 –  8:42am Early this morning I received a scathing email from the Practicus; not happy about our PREAMABLE, calling it “riddled with blatant lies” and “that I am “drawing many of [my] conclusions based upon the LIES of those who attacked me.” Well, for the record, the only attacks the other A.’.A.’. students made was come clean and tell the Superiors in the A.’.A.’. what the Practicus was saying and doing behind their backs. They ‘betrayed his trust’ and for that he now hates them. But of his trust between him and I, he has yet to address, I guess I wasn't important. ... One thing that everyone must know - his version of the story which he now fosters might well be true as to how the meltdown occurred on Malkuth regarding him and his other friends in the A.'.A.'. but the fact remains, as a magician and scientists, we gave him ample opportunity to submit proof that our analogy of the situation was incorrect but he refused. The others, whom he claims betrayed him, submitted their proof to support their side of the story. So what am I to believe? One side submits evidence, the other says accept my word or, and I quote, I “can't have a teacher who doesn't trust and believe in me”   You be the judge.

He even stated - “I didn't convince, hint or tell her to lie about anything and this is the ultimate lie which shows (that this woman whom he slept with) true colors.”  ... This is one of those tit for tats; she said, he said and in truth, we may never to get to real facts nor is it really that important. It is simply a way to side-step the real issue. So, for sake of an argument, let us say that this Practicus never did ask the student in another Clerk House to lie for him and keep their affair secret ... but this is a fact, he, himself, hid the affair from his own Superior knowing how his Superior felt about teachers sleeping with students and the conflicts it causes. And it wasn't just a one night thing that he kept secret but the affair lasted according to his own time frame from January 1st up until early August when he was still text messaging to this girl how much he loved her etc & etc [copies of which she kept of all his text messages; juicy] ... He also is now denying that he ever said that he admitted to his dishonesty about hiding this affair to his Superior, writing - “... you wrote that when confronted with my dis-honesty I didn't deny it...not true...I DID deny it” ... which is actually not true and even in the same paragraph he admits again to having the affair. I am confused. Either you did sleep with your student for over six months and hide it from me, or you didn't? You sure as Hell, knowing my position on student-teacher relationships, tell me. That is the dishonesty to which I refer.

He did write another thing worth noting. He wrote - “Finally you wrote in regards to the Oath, that on August 19th I finally came to this realizations myself and informed you of such in writing is totally not true and your putting Words in my mouth. I only agreed that I don't pretend to know everything that taking the Oath might imply... you filled in the blanks from there... I never meant that or said that in any way, your simply reading between the lines.”  

Perhaps I did mistake what he had written because, in hindsight, he wasn’t clear. In that light it seems that this Practicus still believes he’s in the Abyss and he claims the phrase ‘moved on’ was not meant to imply leaving the A.'.A.'. itself as much as from Grady McMurtry’s lineage and that he is now his ‘own’ lineage. I can only say laughingly, good luck. Who am I to judge. It’s in the hands of the Gods now. But in truth, I stand by my judgment of the facts as I've been taught to interpret them or that he's in total denial; he’s not in the Abyss, he is in the Qliphoth of Hod wallowing in his self-imposed Chaos. He's a text-book case. Still, for the sake of an argument, if he believes he is in the Abyss let's address it from his point of view.   

After mistakenly thinking that the Practicus had 'quit' the entire A.'.A.'. and not realizing that he simply meant just Grady's lineage, I wrote - "... I’m not accepting your resignation until we meet and talk, or unless you send it in writing (not email), signed, as required. Right now I don’t think you are thinking clearly." ... I was hoping for a cooler head to prevail but he replied - “As far as quiting the A.'.A.'... your right you will never get me to say that in any way so don't expect any signed letters...nor do I see myself as resigning from my Lineage as I will never deny my roots...no your stuck with me even if you throw me out... Just as Phyliss was to Grady even though she threw him out and never recognized any of his Grades but I won't have any affiliating or direct connection with any other Clerk House just as he didn't with her, I'll just be over here on my own doing my own thing that's all.” 

Can anyone say 'EGO'? ... this is what happens when you jump from Hod and have yet to fulfill the three major Qabalistic spheres where a magician is trained to put their ego under control.  

Anyway, so he compares himself to Grady. This is like apples and oranges. The difference that he fails to mention is that Grady jumped ‘over’ Phyllis' degrees; he became a Magister Templi while she an Adeptus Minor and her denial, as this Practicus clearly knows, was rooted in their failed marriage and her taking it out on him every way she could. The comparison is silly. And so for the record, jumping into the Abyss only supersedes your teachers authority if they are of a lower degree than what you are aspiring to through the Abyss. I am not. Years ago I swore the Oath of a Magus. 

Furthermore, as long as he has not yet crossed the Abyss [which could take up to four years] he has a few important things to consider. First, and foremost, you cannot create anything other than a Black Brotherhood while in the Abyss. So what does this say of himself that if within a week of him taking the Oath of the Abyss he's claiming in 'writing' that he is now no longer part of Grady McMurtry's lineage and has now created his 'own' lineage?  He created his own lineage?????  While in the Abyss he 'creates' ... how utterly hysterically funny is this? I almost pee' d my pants. I spit coffee through my nose! ... But at least this Practicus is finally coming clean and revealing his true intentions to be GOD above not only all of us but of Babalon too ... he knows nothing about either the ways of the Abyss or the City of the Pyramid and he's being stupid at every turn of his defense. If he wants to believe that his 'words' are so powerful that they cast him into the Abyss then let him know this fact, his proclamation of a new Oath on the 19th, WHILE IN THE ABYSS, acknowledging that he is no longer in Grady's A.'.A.'. but he has now created his 'own' lineage is a magickal affirmation that can only bring to birth one thing out of the Abyss - a Black Brother. NOTHING ELSE. It's Magick 101 ... you NEVER swear such an Oath while in the Abyss.  Silly boy.  And you call yourself a magician.

So, much to our regret, this silly little Practicus is still in Grady McMurtry's lineage. Unless we are to consider four possibilities:

(1. That he's simply lost in the Qlipphoth of Hod and there is still hope. 

(2. That he proclaims himself a Black Brother and create his own lineage while in the Abyss and 'moves on'.   [hmm, didn't he do this?]

(3. He resigns in writing from the A.’.A.’. and then he can do whatever the fuck he wants.

(4. Or finally, we get fed up with him and his egotistical shenanigans, and still being his Superiors, we expel him from Grady McMurtry's lineage and help him fulfill his Black Brotherhood.

I warned him that he should carefully consider his every word from here on out, Babalon is watching to judge him as to whether or not he's worthy to enter the City of the Pyramids and I have been about as patient with him as I can at trying to guide him ... but his ego is wearing thin on me.

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11:25am In regards to a statement I made in my 8:42am posting, Mike asks a single, brief question - "93 Jer. Why is what you create in the Abyss autometically evil? 93 93/93 Mike"  

Reply: Good question. It's not. It all depends on 'what' you project downward. Life dictates that despite being cast into the Abyss, which can be up to a minimum of four years, a magician must still exist in his daily world. It is during that period that he will be tested and tempted. But how? It must be remembered, an Angel can not follow the magician into the Abyss or it would be bathed in Chaos. So, as long as he remains in the Abyss the magician loses his Angel's guidance. The flip side is that the magician must not listen to his personal Choronzon who can still whisper to him; he must survive his temptations and inevitably put him under control every waking moment of his life for at least four years ... all by using just his whit. And here it is, less than two weeks in and this Practicus is not doing too well; if he has really thrown himself into the Abyss at all. 

Be that as it may, what I'm saying is that a magician must be utterly careful as to what they 'birth' downward while in the Abyss; especially though 'Words' because these are "utterances of the Soul." Hence part of the danger revealed in the Oath of the Abyss - "... that I will interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with my soul." Yes, God will deal with your Soul. Pay attention, or lose it! ... To cross the Abyss is one of the most spiritual journeys a magician can ever make - SPIRITUAL - you must prove that you are worthy of an Angel incarnated! You must be pure at heart and 100% focused on giving every drop of your blood to Babalon. There is no law beyond do what thou wilt but don't interpret that wrong; each drop of blood spilt toward Malkuth, either seen through words or actions, breeds phantoms of 'Wants' and the Angel that you are trying to become is but a 'Fallen' one.  [Hmmmm ... thinking upon the original fall of the Angels according to the book of Genesis  6:4 - "when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men", lusted after them and sleep with them despite God saying don't do it ... sounds familiar, no? ] 

The bottom line: below Tiphereth after performing Liber Pyramidos, you begin building The Pyramid brick by brick; "Square by Square" ... and from Tiphereth downward to Malkuth the number reflected in a magician's magickal degrees always have the number next to the Circle lower than the number next to the Square.  Remember, in regards to the Circle Squared - One you control, while the other controls you. - Below Tiphereth you are building an ascending Pyramid whose base you must build very carefully in order for your Spirit (i.e. Angel, HGA) to indwell therein. This Pyramid is referred to as an ascending Triangle of Blue, whose apex points upward as if to project or allow your prayers to ascend to Heaven. You must learn to build your 'squares' correctly. The correct method is to always remember that anyone can build a nice building, a pyramid, or a pretty looking Temple and fool others on Malkuth, but only devotion and daily prayer toward your HGA will make it truly a dwelling place of their Holy Ghost.  Otherwise the Pyramid is just a hollow shell.

Then, if you accomplish Tiphereth upward into Chesed, you are in affect creating a Red Pyramid whose apex is pointing downward; often referred to as the descending Triangle or tongue of Grace. This being the giving of kindness and of spiritual fortitude by the Adept back into world; i.e. Malkuth. ... Malkuth also being his own body which implies that his every action, deed and word becomes very important as a spiritual representation of what is descending through him.

Together, both of these Triangles create a Holy Hexagram of the Great Work.

Once in the Abyss you are in effect standing on the base of the Red Pyramid. Grady's favorite chapter in The Book of Lies was Chapter 69 because it revealed, according to Crowley, the 'secret' to crossing the Abyss for the 'babe' of which the entire book is written for. ... Also, regarding the descending Pyramid, this is why the number above Tiphereth reverse in the Magickal Degrees, it is because they're preparing you to be a vehicle to channel Babalon from above the Abyss. But while in the Abyss your every word and actions in your daily travels must be carefully thought out from a spiritual point-of-view as not to be a reflection one Iota of a 'Want' which is of Malkuth. After you are across you'll understand the full implication of do what thou wilt and how everything in this world is your plaything but until then, as a Babe in the Abyss, you are either of Malkuth or Above ..... and "By their words you will judge them." 

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Sunday August 23rd 2009 – 1:55am Mary sent a nice email, in part she asks if there is no hope for this Practicus, "he being a student and lost Soul" and all. ... Reply: There is always hope. Crowley explains how but this Practicus is so wrapped up in his ego and digging his feet in at this point that to be 'humble' and ask for help would be like an admittance in his own mind that possibly he might be wrong and this is beyond his capability ... and his demon snickers. But at least his loss, as tragic as it may seem, can be a warning to others of the dangers of magick and why, when climbing the Tree of Life, you must never forget that its a spiritual path. ... As to your question - " ... who is he, has he posted on your blog before?" ...  Reply: Sorry Mary, his identity is a secret, no concern to anyone. 

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Tuesday August 25th 2009 – 11:15am Anonymous from Massachusetts asks - "Hey Jer 93. Thanks for the update on your health; get better. ... You haven't been posting much of late about the Practicus and the Oath of the Abyss debacle. Is it over? Care to tell your readers how it ended; been loving the soap opera drama from day one. 93s" ....  Reply: Yes, it has been very quiet of late. In truth, thanks to the Practicus' own attitude and Magickal Affirmation he has made it impossible for himself to cross the Abyss. He is now either a Black Brother or, if he wasn't really in the Abyss, he is simply silly and lost in the Qliphoth of Hod. I think he's trying to figure it out.  

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12:25pm An incoming email asked not to be posted but I think my reply is pertinent regarding the oath of the Abyss. I replied - "I have deliberately not posted the majority of this Practicus' foul mouthed attacks on me, our Lineage and students which are bathed in egotistical rants that this Practicus is the King of 'his' Hill now ... from of all places, while he claims to be in the Abyss! His emails would clearly show all my readers that this man is hardly a spiritual individual whose guidance anyone with half a brain would ever want to follow. Anyone who is thinking of throwing themselves into the Abyss must be on their guard 'instantly' against demonic thoughts, actions and deeds. This Practicus can't have it both ways. He can't argue that he's not in Chaos in the Qliphoth of Hod but in the Abyss on a spiritual mission, when on the other hand he is text-book case of embracing the Black Brotherhood right from the onset. I do not envy this man right now, his mind must be spinning in the Pits of Because trying to 'reason' a way out of this dilemma. ... and his Demon snickers. 
I agree. You made a good point. He has walked himself into a great big Catch 22. If he is in the Qlipphoth of Hod then he still has Angelic guidance and, even though he's ignoring us, his Angel should be able to walk him out of a bad situation. 
However, I think you forgot to consider the 'full' flip side. He's digging his feet in still claiming to be the Abyss. In his mind he MUST now acknowledge that his Angel has stepped aside and the only Inner Voice, or whispers are those from his Demon ... of which he MUST ignore, control and conquer if he's going to be successful at crossing the Abyss. 
But, for sake of an argument, let us say that he's wrong and he is not in the Abyss but the Qlipphoth of Hod ... Do you think he'll 'listen' to his Angel's advice trying to walk him out?  No.  He MUST deny his Angel as whispers from his Demon! ... What to do? What to do? ... Listen to your Inner Voice, or ignore it?  ... Sadly, Magick 101, if he is in the Qlipphoth of Hod and he keeps denying his Angel ... he'll fall from Tree and be thrown back to ground zero in Malkuth. Yes, you're right, it is a great big Catch 22." 

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Wednesday August 26th 2009 –  8:25am By now many of my readers have read the Preamble on The Epistle on the Oath of Abyss which details the history of how a Practicus supposedly took the Oath, melted down and now hates all of us for reasons he has yet to adequately define ... this Epistle being a study of High Magick, its pit falls and what not to do. ... I want to address a few other email thoughts that have come in last weekend. First, I truly feel that Practicus 'in his mind' believes he's not a bad person but his is a very text-book 'male' manipulative behavior; whether he is doing it consciously or unconsciously. I know him personally, over many years I've watched how he talks about women, I've seen his excuses first hand, his questing for loop-holes and his rationalization of 'semantics' to justify his behavior. We've all known someone like this, some guy who controls his wife or girlfriend not by directly telling them to do anything but implying such in a way that she complies to his wishes. This game of 'semantics' enables the guy, if things go bad, to argue that he's innocent; he didn't do anything that the woman is claiming and its all a figment in her mind, her fault - because he never 'actually' said bla bla bla. The key word being 'actually' ... If you like to watch Court TV shows the excuse by 'semantics' is one of the major defenses by guys who use women but the Judges never seems to buy their story; I wonder why? 

And the lesson in all this for my students or anyone who is trying to pursue a spiritual path like climbing the Tree of Life, inevitably 'semantics' will catch up to you and the Tree always 'rights the wrong' and it'll cast out any pretender to spirituality. Show me one magick book which says otherwise? You came into this world naked and with nothing and that is how you'll go out ... the only thing that you take out is your WORD.  

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9:00am Mary asks why we are "having trouble with the Practicus who is seemingly just doing his Will" ... For starters, sleeping with other women, or using them is not, nor has it ever been the issue. As Thelemites we believe strongly in the slaves shall serve, hence do what thou wilt. But in our A.'.A.'. lineage it's hands off females students coming in; we are not a horizontal fraternity which often looks at all new girls as fresh meat. He knew that. It complicates things and all these blog entries about this kind of meltdown in a vertical school only proves the point. ... Be that as it may, what really pisses me off is that for over six months he came down here to Berkeley to be my friend, to have lunch, to talk with me about magick, to get paperwork, documents and other stuff, all the while hiding the fact that he was sleeping with a student and even worse, teaching her that the correct 'spiritual' behavior is to hide things from your Superior and as long as you don't directly lie to him, you can play 'semantics' ... but "Dishonesty is like lying with your mouth shut."  
Like his ex-girlfriend, I feel so used.  And his attitude about being called on his dishonesty, of his nearly killing me [see Aug.16th 7:30am posting], of my sleepless nights or even the 'stress related' health issues he's caused to my heart of late - is never to once apologize for anything but instead to maliciously blame me in emails for not trusting him. 

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Thursday August 27th 2009 – 9:20am I'd like to address a consistent theme that is emerging in emails of late regarding the Qliphoth and my views on what it is. I personally think Dion Fortune's book The Mystical Qabalah has some of the best descriptions of these evil or averse Sephiroth which some claim are "awful forms, dangerous even to think upon." And I agree with Fortune that 'ignoring' these Sephiroth can ultimately lead to disaster as we have seen of late with the discussion about the recent magickal attempts of a Practicus. You cannot ignore one side of the Scales and expect it to be continual Balanced. Fortune points out that the Abramelin system is one of the "most potent and complete" systems in Western magick. Adding - "According to his system, the operator, after a prolonged period of purification and preparation, evokes not only the angelic forms, but also the demonic ones." One of the best things she writes is:

"A good many people have burnt their fingers with the system of
Abramelin, and the reason is not far to seek; for if we examine their 
records we find that they have never followed the system in its entirety,
but picked out a ceremony here and an invocation there for performance
as the mood took them. Consequently Abramelin's system has got a bad
name as being a singularly dangerous formula; whereas performed in its
entirety, it is a singularly safe one, because it deals with all the reactions
of the invoked forces under what might be termed laboratory conditions
and neutralizes them."

It is no secret that our daimon is a neutral entity; both angelic and demonic. Whoever attempts to evoke the daimon (HGA) must realize that if there is a positive aspect, then there must be a negative one as well. If the daimon, being no more that our Kundalini as Carl Jung has demonstrated [The Psychology of Kundalini Yoga, Notes of the Seminar Given in 1932 by C. G. Jung, Edited by Sonu Shamdasani; Princeton University Press, Bollingen Series XCIX 1996], moves into a given Sephiroth it implies that we are activating a Chakra. How the Chakric energy is utilized depends upon the Daimon. If it swings too hard toward a demonic side it shifts us into the averse Sephiroth or backside. Climbing the Tree of Life requires us to embrace not only the spiritual quest but controlling our demon as well; hence the lessons behind the 'Circle Squared' or "One you control, while the other controls you." ... You must maintain an equilibrium. ... Dion Fortune warns us - "There is a point in every magical operation when the negative aspect of the force comes up to be dealt with, and unless dealt with will lure the experimenter into the pit which he has digged. It is a sound magical maxim not to invoke and force unless you are equipped to deal with its averse aspect."

This has been the major folly of the Practicus. Within days of trying to cross over from Hod into Netzach his internal Tree blew out his Netzach in his daily life. Love, friends and relationships fell apart but it's not HIS fault and it has nothing to do with him being given the go ahead to assume Philosophus which threw him into an unbalanced state ... it's everyone else's fault around him who caused HIS problems. ... But in truth, we can't even say that he was in Netzach, Netzach simply threw him out immediately and back in Hod where he dug his feet in and flipped to the backside or averse Sephiroth due to the damage he suffered in the Manipura Chakra. As a solution to us trying to help him back into the Light from the averse side of Hod he took the Oath of the Abyss as a means of denial of his failures in the lower Ruach. Yes, the averse side [Square] of each Sephiroth can be a deadly trap. ... And to address Frank's question about the Practicus - "If he fell into the Qliphoth of Hod after failing to fulfill his magickal oaths and obligations correctly then wouldn't his decision to take the Oath of the Abyss means that he actually jumped from the Qliphoth side and is carrying really, really outrageous Karma?" 

Reply:  Yes.  

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Thursday September 3rd 2008 – 6:00am Today the Practicus, who is still miserably lost in the Qliphoth of Hod, celebrates his 40th Birthday. It is no secret that he is a magickal failure. He claims that he wrote in his diary years ago how he had a prophetic vision how he [quote] "would take this Oath in this incarnation and I actually wrote that I believed this would occur before my 40th birthday" ... and so, nearing his 40th birthday, he claims that this was the real reason that he took the Oath of the Abyss last month and that it had nothing to do with him trying to escape his inability to prove the simplest of his magickal claims to his Superior. It was all just a coincidence. But what he fails to point out, prophetic or not, is that he fell into the Qliphoth after trying to assume Philosophus where he resided for well over a week in babbling idiocy from a pit of Because while we tried to reposition him on the Tree into the Light. But instead of listening to his teacher he dug his feet in and never properly exited the Qliphoth. Then, while in the Qliphoth, he swore the Oath of the Abyss. 
Knowing this, why would an Angel advise him to take the Oath of the Abyss if he wasn't ready? ... Yes, his 'dream' might have told him he'd swear the Oath by his 40th but in truth it sounds more like it was his Demon [from within the Qliphoth] who was doing all the snickering while whispering - "Ya, Ya, take the Oath before you're forty. It'll be great!" 
Still, in all fairness, if it was his Angel she was probably trying to warn him years ago about his 40th Birthday and not to be stupid  ... but he didn’t listen, he failed.  
Happy Birthday.  

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10:35am Yes, Mary, in regards to my 6:00am posting, I am "sort of harsh" and no, "I will not let up." I will be posting my Birthday Wishes to the Practicus every year as a reminder, not so much to him, but for all those who will become acquainted with him so that they can be forewarned about listening to any guidance or magickal theory from this person. The only Foundation that he can teach to a student in regards to Magick is intellectual at best and stupidity over-all. 

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10:45am An A.'.A.'. initiate just sent me an email subject 'man-o-pause?' ... regarding the Practicus. It reads:

Ok...I know, I know...I'm being a total and complete asshole here (but this is just for your personal amusement...I really don't know what else to do any more but poke a little fun...I know it's not funny...but, if we don't laugh a little we might just cry...), but I really do have to wonder...is it man-o-pause (better known as the mid-life crisis)? Here is some vital information that I've found on-line regarding this life threatening issue:

During his late 30's and 40's, if a man has been hard-working, the fruits of his labors-a home and
family, material possessions-will probably surround him. Then, before anything dramatic happens,
small nagging doubts may appear, perhaps followed by a series of dramatic, apparently irrational
events leading up to great change. During it all, men ask themselves questions such as: Is this all
there is? Am I a failure? Symptoms and behaviors during mid-life crisis can range from mild to
severe, including:

* boredom and exhaustion, or frantic energy 
* daydreaming 
* irritability, unexpected anger 
* acting on alcohol, drug, food, or other compulsions 
* greatly decreased or increased sexual desire 
* sexual affairs, especially with someone much younger 
* greatly decreased or increased ambition

Hmm...sound familiar?? Maybe he's not in the Qlippoth of Hod at all--he's just going through the change o' life and instead of buying that candy apple red Corvette he tried to take the Oath of the Abyss? Perhaps he would have had more success with the car...
 I hope you don't find me flippant here. Really, my only intention was to make you smile a little...what the Hell else can we do?? I waver between feeling sad and shocked, confused and amused. Today I felt a bit of levity might be in order, so I hope you will laugh and can understand where I am coming from. I too have a sick sense of humor! 

Reply: Yes, it made me smile alot :) and yes, you have a sick sense of humor!

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12:25pm Frater Shiva the author of the book titled INSIDE SOLAR LODGE, OUTSIDE THE LAW, True Tales of Initiation and High Adventure (Teitan Press 2007) sent an email wherein he writes - "I continue to be amused by the adventures of your Practicus, simply because it is a movie I have seen many times. Obviously, you are posting and discussing it for the benefit of your students. I have a couple of observations: (1) The tale is similar to Frater Achad's, wherein he leaps up instantaneously to Magister status (with Crowley cheering from the sidelines) and then goes on to become the Magus and then (finally) Ipsissimus (wherein he holds himself up higher than Crowley and begins issuing orders to him). The moral is: People are going to keep on doing this very same thing, over and over. (2) Sometime in the 1940's, Crowley wrote to someone (who? I can't remember) and essentially said, "In respect to 'starting a new group,' if you'd seen as much mischief and trouble as I have, you wouldn't even think about doing such a stupid thing." [loose quote]. (3) A.'.A.'. is supposed to be a (vertical) chain system with "no member knowing anyone else as such" except the guy or gal who linked you into the chain and any new folks that are subsequently added (one at a time). Yeah! Sure! Well, there's a clause in "One Star in Site" that allows outer order group working (because of "congestion" and "need"). Yes - but every time an A.'.A.'. group forms it will certainly be interesting - sort of like a three-ring-circus. Please see my website: http://three-ring-circus.angelfire.com [note that the website is only a Summary; the whole project is 56 MB or so and too big for current posting on a site limited to 20 MB.
So anyway, here's Fr.'. Achad Osher [sic?] overseeing an outer order wherein the members know each other, and apparently sometimes "know" each other in a biblical sense. There's always a wild card in every deck, and when the current incumbent Joker has faded into memory, along will come someone new, and everyone will say "Oh mein Gott! He's just like so-and-so [the incumbent Practicus Joker]! How do I know these things? Why I've seen the movie many times. In fact, I might have written the script. My own speedy travel up the path (which ended in a big crash) was replaced by starting over at the beginning and taking every step slowly and precisely without any jumping. In the book, "Inside Solar Lodge - Outside the Law [True Tales of Initiation and High Adventure]," our Joker was described as the enchantingly insane Frater Luna[tic]. In my own Star System lineage, our Joker was the interestingly warped Frater Osiris. In Crowley's game, see Frater Achad and (of course) Victor Neuberg. In other comtemporary lineages, see the guy who is in charge, who got there by "bypassing" one or more spheres and jumped directly onto Binah from some sphere inferior to Chesed. Yes it's theoretically possible, but the only sure way is to climb the Tree, limb by limb, and leave nothing out. 93"

Reply: I agree, in Grady's lineage only two of us, both having known Grady, climbed the Tree sphere by sphere all the way to the top. Two others went behind our backs and swore the Oath of the Abyss; one while a Probationer, the other a Practicus. Both are from Sacramento. It's either the water or the air in that area. Anyway, the first fell long ago back in the mid-90s and the latest we decided to carefully document as a warning to others. ... I do agree, it is possible to skip spheres and jump from even Malkuth but this clause was to accomodate those rare magicians, of which I am not, nor have I seen many worthy of such a quest. The only one I have seen worthy was Grady. I think I documenmted his story about the Oath of the Abyss fairly well. 

The old clause about no single A.'.A.'. member knowing another went out the window almost immediately in Crowley's time. It has never been inforced. You cannot impose such a rule and then expose your students as Crowley so often did in his writings. Personally, I feel this rule was put into place in order to stop the infectious disease of gossip and mundane pettiness so prevalent in other groups like The Golden Dawn ... but with time I think Crowley realized that you cannot teach 'there is no Law beyond do what thou wilt' and then place restrictions on your students. Its kind of unThelemic. ... Still, in Grady's lineage, only those members nearest each other are 'known' to each other. The membership from afar remains secretive to them and is no one's business. But this recent meltdown in the Sacramento Valley is a classic example, a sort of reminder, as to why Crowley thought the 'clause' where A.'.A.'. members do not know or hang around with each other was a good idea. Tragically, it's human nature to congregate and in our huddling, we do stupid things.

Yes, this Practicus is not the first, nor will he be the last to attempt the ordeal of the Abyss and you are correct, my postings are lessons not so much to him but to all our students throughout the world in order that we might begin to educate them as to the dangers of magickal stupidity. If the Practicus is 'falling' let him at least accomplish some good before he goes splat! 

Anyway, Aleister Crowley believed that the true seeker has only two real steps to take. As he wrote to Grady, he defined these as: “(1) to achieve 5=6 which means bringing your Energy up to your Heart Chakra Tiphereth where you meet your HGA [i.e. Holy Guardian Angel] & then ‘under that divine guidance’ to (2) assay the adventure of the Abyss.” ... Grady believed, as did Crowley and even myself, that more and more individuals in this Aeon will be attempting the crossing. The consciousness of the mystic has reached this stages. If we are correct, we as the teachers must be harsh in our guidance to prepare our students for this ordeal. Still, there will always be someone like the Practicus who'll go behind their teacher's back and take the Oath. 

The bottom line ... 'Splatians' are needed as reminders to the more serious students not to be stupid!


Thursday September 3rd 2008 cont – 7:00pm Here are some paragraphs about Choronzon and the Abyss from Chapter Seven of my book ALEISTER CROWLEY and the OUIJA BOARD. Regarding the Magickal Chain I wrote:

"The chain is often misunderstood and often tragically omitted from most people’s magickal arsenal. I cannot stress it strong enough. You must obtain this implement. Furthermore, it is important that the chain contains exactly 333 links."

"The symbolism behind 333 links is that it represents the sacred numeration of an entity known as Choronzon. Magicians strongly believe that this demon is as real as day and night, although a contradiction in his being implies that he doesn’t exist in the same sense as we exist. He lives in the realm of a vast astral desert known as the Abyss between the Pylons of Daath, or Knowledge. Some refer to him as the Guardian of all Shells for he guards reality from the known and the unknown. He knows the Truth or has the Knowledge behind every person’s illusions or life. This is why he is often called the Lord of Chaos and Dispersion. He brings everything to light and exposes our folly, which is something, few mortals’ want thrown in their face, especially those climbing the sacred mountain of Abiegnus toward spiritual heights. Volumes can be written on the theory behind this demon. However, just beyond the Abyss is the realm known as Binah on the Qabalistic Tree of Life. Binah is ruled by the attributes of Saturn. Crowley notes that one of the magical weapons of Saturn is the Sickle and that such can “be used in actual ceremony to threaten the spirit that Choronzon will cut short his independent existence” if he does not submit to one’s demands. In other words, the Sickle, like the chain and salt, can be used as a weapon against the spirit or elemental. Simply informing it that if it doesn’t oblige your wishes, “Choronzon will reap his Karma, and add it to the treasure of Choronzon’s storehouse.” No elemental can withstand the threat of being taken by Choronzon!"

"Few mortals who truly understand the nature of this demon will likewise go against him unprepared. We have already spoken of the inherent dangers of using an Ouija board and how a magician can lose all while playing in the astral realms. This was not an idle threat. Crowley warns that the biggest danger is the loss of one’s Karma, or the “Surrender of the Soul to Choronzon.” This implies that your whole existence, the very nature of the experience for which your Spirit has incarnated, has been dragged into the depths of dispersion and chaos. Remember, it’s written that all of your emotions, thoughts and experiences make up the constitution of your Shell. Everything is recorded upon this Shell as if it were a video or a movie. How tragic would it be if the experiences you were going through were composed only of madness or intellectual befuddlement caused by following false gods or concepts made by the feeble imaginations of others, as well as yourself. Such falsities and beliefs are tied to your spirit’s karma for all eternity. Yes, all eternity. Be careful, it is possible to lose your soul and it is Choronzon who will expose these follies to you if you attempt to reach his lair by seeking the Knowledge of the Shells under his domain, especially those follies relating to your own Shell."

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Monday September 7th 2009 – 6:45am For those who have been following our previous blog discussions on The Oath of the Abyss in regards to the folly of a Practicus, here are some thoughts to ponder from Crowley's Book IV, the chapter on The Cup:

The idea of organization is the first step, that of interpretation the second. 
The Master of the Temple, whose grade corresponds to Binah, is sworn to "interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with his soul." 
But even the beginner may attempt this practice with advantage. 

There is an apparent contradiction between this attitude and that of the 
Master of the Temple. What can possibly be more selfish than this interpretation of everything as the dealing of God with the soul? 
But it is God who is all and not any part; and every "dealing" must thus be an expansion of the soul, a destruction of its separateness. 

Postscript: So, maybe there is hope for the Practicus who went crazy in our lineage? After all, the Latin term Practicus literally means 'he who practices' - so perhaps someday he may realize his folly while in the Qliphoth of Hod, walk himself out and then simply acknowledge that he now understands how he has unconsciously been driven to practice this Art in preparation for when he will need it someday? But this is a Cancer's wishful thinking ... I am an eternal optimist.

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Wednesday September 9th 2009 – 11:30am Mr Anonymous OTO initiates writes - "On your blog last April 27 you said that Miguel Walters of Sacramento had been thrown out of the A.'.A.'. and knowing him, along with -------------- (Practicus), I can only wonder if you think both of there connection to the old Hodos Chamelionis Camp in Sacramento has anything to do with them both being thrown out of the A.'.A.'.?"  ........  Reply: I've omitted some of your logic about the 'sex magicians' of this OTO Camp. Hope you don't mind. Also, the Practicus was never expelled. Yes, Miguel & the Practicus are best of friends from the old OTO days. You are right, they have known each other for over twenty years. But in July of 2009 Miguel, who was a Probationer, was expelled from the A.'.A.'. for Qliphothic argumentative behavior with his Superiors. He was in a Pit of Because, he wouldn't listen and we had to cut his loose. Shortly thereafter he moved back to Sacramento, close to his old friend. As a magician we don't believe in coincidences; we're taught to interpret everything as a sign to either guide us or mislead us. What is really scary is that some of the phrases and comments made by the Practicus are identical to Miguel's. The similarities in emails are quite unique. Whether or not the Practicus, who was once a bright shinning Star, was consciously aware of doing this or not, is of course debatable. But a disgruntled Miguel was obviously like an infectious disease once back in Sacramento. He told anyone whose ear he could bend how he felt that he was wronged. He caused our lineage much distress. And to tell you the truth, I don't see the Practicus rebelling against Grady McMurtry's lineage a mere coincidence when, within weeks of his old friend returning to Sacramento, he too melted down in a Pit of Because. Although the Practicus has denied any connection, I would expect no less from a person who has misread 'interpreting' so many signs to have fallen into the Qliphoth as he has done. I'm not even saying that Miguel was conscious of his Kundry-like role; a true Kundry is often oblivious of their actions ... but the Kundry's affect on the subtle planes is hard to miss. We lost a good Practicus.

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Thursday September 10th 2009 – 9:35 Mary, who is an astrologer and who has been following the case of the Practicus' with amusement, wants to know if "the Practicus' birth chart shows any indication of the kind of meltdown you are describing that he should have been aware of? What lessons can we learn from this?"  .... Good questiosn. First, this is a classic example of a magician being stupid and not using all the tools at his finger tips before attempting a magickal act. He claims to have picked a 'proper time' to take the Oath, he even drew up a chart etc but when I looked at the chart, as have a few other astrologers, we all see failure. I would have never chosen the chart that he picked. It only shows that he is no astrologer. 
Also, had the Practicus come to me, instead of sneaking behind my back, I would have advised him up front of the dangers portrayed in birth his chart. For example: his South Node is right smack on the cusp of the 10th House which depicts the Abyss in our birth chart and his South Node is in his birth sign of Virgo. A grave warning to this individual whose Sun is in Virgo. The South Node is often considered very negative and it can be unfortunate and hindering if a person is attempting to function in this area without carefully reviewing the Karma that has been accrued from a previous life, and childhood that has been brought into the present. Or in other words; it depicts undeveloped characteristic traits and accumulated undesirable habits that have been left unfinished; which can easily undermine his present incarnation. I would have never advised him to take the Oath of the Abyss knowing his accomplishment, his capability etc, it reeks of failure. I would have advised him that his desires to take the Oath is the not the direction for him to go right now; he must follow the Head of the Dragon first, which is his North Node in Pisces in the Fourth House. He needs to develop his spirituality and his ability to 'interpret' things correctly first; then and only then will his Part of Fortune (in the 9th House in Virgo) put into order. Sadly, by all his recent actions it is obvious not only to me but others that this Practicus has developed no insights in regards to interpreting natural phenomena on Malkuth. With regret, his South Node is also  'Squared' Mars in Sag in the First House which is 'Squared' to his North Node. His type of fiery personality bathed in First House ego will never ask for help, nor admit he is ever wrong once he has dug his feet in. Too much Karma in this chart. 
His chart overall is quite unique, it shows the capability of reaching up into the branches had he simply put his ego under control first and carefully climbed instead of trying to 'jump.' 
It must be remembered, our birth chart only shows 'possibilities' and thanks to 'Free Will' we can screw these up ... as in the case of this Practicus. 

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12:54pm Mary replies to my email and 9:35am posting - "93 ... Thanks Jerry for the Practicus's birth chart. I see his Part of Fortune indicating failure in the area of the 9th House of spirituality and metaphysics where it resides because it has squares to his Rising and Moon in the 7th of relationships and marriage. He's got sexual issues. Women should watch out for this guy. His Moon also Squares his North Node. He will destroy any relationship that he's in and with that Mars in the 1st he'll always blame his partner. Most of his planets are above the Horizon. He is focused on Self as the world sees himself, not spirituality and with Mars he'll never see or realize this. Especially with Mars being in Sagittarius. Good luck with this one. 93 93 93/93 Mary." .... Reply: I didn't focus too hard on the Squares to his Part of Fortune, I was already too 'aughhhhhh' by my previous review of the Nodes etc but I see what you are saying. I like your interpretation of the Practicus; you've never met either him or I but you nailed him pretty good. We should collaborate on an interpretation of his chart?  :) 

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Friday Sept. 18th 2009 – 10:50am I receieved an amusing email. I replied - "Yes, you're perfectly correct; An Open Epistle to the Fallen written back in 2006 should have been carefully read by the Practicus from Sacramento before he jumped and thought he had taken the Oath of the Abyss ... But Ego has a way of blinding someone from the obvious." And to your other question - "Yes, there is still hope for him but he'll never be able to ask how."

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A month goes by & its quiet ...

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Sunday October 18th 2009  –  11-:05am To address a question, "What is really Truth and how do I seek it?" ... Well, for starters, below the Abyss Truth cannot exist because ALL that is, is bathed in Duality. Everything is divided for the sake of Union and the un-initiated has yet to realize that both extremes are correct from the point of view of its defender. However, above the Abyss these contradictions act as Unity and Truth can only be seen by appreciating both opposites from the point of view of the center of the Scales of Maat. Everything is of God, act accordingly. Remember, Crowley has stated that "Initiation is, by etymology, the journeying inwards; it is the Voyage of Discovery of one's Soul. And this is Truth that stands upon the prow, eternally alert; this is Truth that sits with one strong hand griping the helm!” ... The Goddess of Truth is Maat.
Basically, below the Abyss the second real task of an initiate to realize that Truth can never been found ... Truth is merely the ‘Path.’ Once this is understood you’ll know how to transcended Death through an act of Love; this realization supposedly occurs in IIIrd Degree OTO and in the degree of a Practicus; both of which work out of the Qabalistic sphere of Hod (Mercury). ... Regarding this realization, Crowley has stated that “Truth is our Path, and the Truth is our Goal; ay! There shall come to all a moment of great Light when the Path is seen to be itself the Goal; and in that hour every one of us shall exclaim : ‘I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.’” ... In Third Degree OTO are these immortal words uttered - “I am the Truth, and in my Turban is wrapped nothing but God!” ... Or in other words, finding the Holy Grail is not as important as the Quest itself.
So, what is the first task?
Crowley writes that “the first task of the Aspirant” is “the solution of the question” – “What is my True Will?” 
Ah, the Secrets of Seventh Degree .... opps, did I say too much?  Sadly, with our previous blog discussions on The Book of Lies and Chastity we only laid preliminary studies required to know the secrets of this degree before we got sidetracked by a Practicus who, unable to prove his magickal claims, swore the Oath of the Abyss to get 'beyond' my criticism. So, we never really got around to discussing this degree's Mysteries; nor will we thanks to the failure of this Adept. [at least not in a public forum] The greater tragedy, as brilliant as some of his emails were, this Practicus clearly shows that he doesn't understand VIIth nor any other aspects of HOD, otherwise he wouldn't have done what he claims nor would he continually banter that I am wrong and he is right that he is not in the Qliphoth of Hod but the Abyss. [hee hee] His 'Quest' is now rooted daily in trying to prove to himself and others that he is right ... silly rabbit, tricks are for kids. Crowley warns us that if we lack the final secrets [basically how to enter the Abyss] we're "apt to criticise our Will from the outside" .. or by "some Canon of what seems 'right' or wrong."' 
So, dear Practicus, where do you find Truth?  And how can a Babe cross the Abyss if he knows not where to look?  

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7:50pm To address another question - "Did Grady give you any special guidance before you swore the Oath of the Abyss?"  ..... Reply: Yes. For months he and I chatted; he suggested reading material and warned me what to do and especially, what not to do. He told me about the first, and greatest danger. This is learning how to take the Oath properly and how to have it 'stick' ... it's not that easy, otherwise everyone who reads the Oath in a book, or does something silly like taking it, could be doing irretrievable damage to the psyche for a lifetime. I have heard of literally 'hundreds' of people since the sixties [when I first got involved in Magick] who claim to have taken the Oath and who have achieved nothing more than becoming legends in their own mind. Obviously the Oath didn't stick and they were cast out. Their legacy is that they argue that the Oath 'has' stuck but they're usually too blind to realize that their every Word portrays how "it was my destiny", or my "True Will" to take the Oath ....  me, me, me, me, me!  Silly rabbits. How can you ever expect sucess with that attitude? The 'I' should have been under control long before you jumped. It is IMPOSSIBLE to put the 'I' under control while in the Abyss!  Read The Book of Lies!!! You'll either be thrown out imediately, or you'll become a Black Brother.
To address the other questions - "Is the Practicus you've been talking about doomed? And is the Quest finished in his lifetime?" ..... Reply: Good questions. No, to both. The most difficult phantom for any magician to face is the possibility that his or her 'magick' didn't work. No magickal act is 'automatically' successsful, even taking the Oath of the Abyss. You take the Oath, that's it, no 'mortal' can judge, and it is now up to the Gods as to whether or not you're worthy to stay as a Babe in the Abyss or if you'll be thrown out. By "their Words and actions on Malkuth" you'll know, and usually those around you will see the obvious long before you do. ... Thus, acting as a scientist a magician must recognize whether or not he or she was successful almost immediately, otherwise a lifetime can slip by in misery. 
Basically, if the Practicus can simply grasp the obvious, acting as a scientist, and review all the logical facts then he'd realize that he simply has to get up from where he fell, and continue on the Path. It is not that hard. The Practicus fell in Hod, but, if he's true to form, he will never face this phantom. The Ego is a terrible lead (Saturnian) weight at this stage and bathed in Hod, being our Intellect, he'll continually try to prove that he is Right. This is the dangers of jumping from the unbalanced Left Side of the Tree in the lower Ruach where the Ego has yet to be put under control - you 'think' you know it All. And with that in mind he'll continually point to the top of the Tree of Life while screaming "Damn it, I am in the Abyss!" ... and as his superior in the AA I will simply smile and reply - "Grasshopper, where are you pointing from?"

Grady once told me that there is never any problem with blowing up a laboratory, only in denying such while the building is burning down. 

... remember, the true A.'.A.'. lies above the Abyss and according to Liber LXI vel Causae - "Listen, we pray you, with attention: for once only does the Great Order knock at any one door." .. so, don't screw it up folks. 

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Saturday October 24th 2009 – 1:45am During a discussion this week I was asked a few amusing questions which I answered but I think I'd like to clarify them a bit more. They primarily dealt with whether or not a person taking the Oath of the Abyss can really be judged by anyone. Such a person is beyond the reach of mortals. They have, in theory, aspired to The Silver Star, or A.'.A.'. which is an Order that lays above the Abyss. Those below the Abyss are in the Outer Orders of A.'.A.'. known as either Golden Dawn or R.C. (One Star in Sight). They are not in the A.'.A.'. proper. 

Such person taking the Oath is said to be beyond questioning from those below the Abyss. This is why when Grady McMurtry took the Oath, his wife Phyllis who was only 5=6 could no longer judge him. Again, no mortal below the Abyss can judge a Babe.  

And, once uttered, the Oath of the Abyss could never be taken back. It must run its course but it may not automatically produce successful results. The consequence of taking the Oath correctly is that it throws the individual mentally and emotionally into a dark chasm of chaos, and confusion, tearing them asunder. Initially they must get this [nature of Choronzon] quickly under control but in truth, on a more mundane level, it could take a minimum of four years according to Aleister Crowley for the Chaos to subside on Malkuth and for the 'wires' [as Crowley calls them] to be established making it 'official' that you're in the City of the Pyramids and ready to receive Gnosis. But, within days, if the Oath doesn't 'stick' or if a person has no right to the claim, they'll be 'thrown out' and either cast back to the Qliphoth of the sphere where they last stood or they'll become a Black Brother.

So remember; taking the Oath of the Abyss is the undisputed right of all mortals but it is not an 'automatic' guarantee that you'll reside in the City of the Pyramids.

As an example; when Frater Achad (Charles Stansfeld Jones) took the Oath of the Abyss and questioned Crowley whether or not there was some proof which Crowley required of his success, Crowley simply told him, and I quote; “... on the 8=3 matter. I have no right to cross-examine. You claim it, and there is an end of the matter.” Understanding what Crowley was saying is where the confusion often arises and magicians are always quick to quote Crowley out of context as a means of avoiding the obvious. This has been a dilemma with the recent antics of the Practicus' whom we've been discussing on this blog. He has the undisputed right to take the Oath and no one can deny that nor cross-examine him nor judge him accordingly. He took it, that's it ... but by his 'Words and Actions' almost immediately after the fact, a NEMO, or No Man, or those Gods who resides Above the Abyss, can judge whether or not he had laid a proper Foundation to be successful or if he was simply fooling himself. ... Now do you see the Catch 22? If you take the Oath ... the key wording being 'IF' ... then we cannot cross-examine or judge but by your 'Words and Actions' it can be easily determine 'IF' you took the Oath. In other words, what Crowley wrote to Frater Achad is by no means Crowley saying that he can never judge Achad's actions - period, end of subject.  Crowley was still Frater Achad's Superior in the Order. 

Is it not a fact that after taking the Oath of the Abyss Frater Achad was producing books within four years which clearly showed that the "wires" had not been established properly and that at some point he had fallen into a Qliphoth of Qabalistic confusion ... and at this point did not Crowley clearly 'judged' him? ... Remember, a Magister Templi cannot stay above the Abyss. They must immediately function out of a Sphere somewhere on the Tree that they have accomplished [hence don't be stupid and jump from too low on the Tree] ... but the greater question is whether or not such individuals are immediately working out of the front side of a specific Sphere or the Qliphotic. .... Again, by the 'Words and Actions' you will judge them. ... The ultimate question is - at what point can NEMO judge?  Is it a day, a week or is it a month, or a year after a person takes the Oath?  Answer: [quite simple] When is a person who takes the Oath devoid of all 'Words and Actions' below the Abyss?

In other words; since I am NEMO, I can review the Practicus' attempt and determine by his 'Words and Actions' if he had done so correctly and if he did, I cannot judge him one Iota after that point. But if he has failed, I have the authority to judge him ... otherwise how can we ever say that someone has become a Black Brother or is  lost in the Qliphoth?  Basically, taking the Oath of the Abyss does not exempt you from ever being accused of Folly by your Superiors.  

As to the other question about my relentless 'banter' about the Practicus' taking the Oath of the Abyss ... and am I not judging him? Yes and no, those closest to me know how I feel on this subject. Any idiot can take the Oath and in most cases I'll simply snicker behind their back and say nothing. But the Practicus is a friend, a dear friend. I cannot just stand by and do nothing. ... From day one the reasoning for this Practicus taking Oath was 100% wrong. I tried to steer him by pointing out the obvious folly in order to shift his 'thinking' back on track but his replies only opened up further cans of worms. 

To determine if the Practicus was in the Abyss proper I had to continually warn him about the Qliphoth of the Sphere where he last resided due to all the obvious Shadows that he had not completely put under control. Taking the Oath of the Abyss does not negate them, it only exasperates them and it is here in Hod that he'll descend if he is succesful in the Abyss and the baggage that he's left behind will destroy him within four years, as it did to Frater Achad. I had to play the 'Devil's Advocate' [Choronzon] because, if he had come to me up front and told me of his ambitions, I would have advised him in private how to properly take the Oath as Grady did to me ... this is required of me. I could not tell him no, don't take the Oath. I must give him 100% guidance to ensure his success simply because he 'asked'. ... but the Practicus took the Oath behind our back and he was carrying 'extreme' baggage filled with Shadows from an unbalanced Left-Hand Pillar which reeked of failure whether he was successful in attaching himself to the Abyss or not. Initially I tried to steer him to 'think' correctly but he was unable to address the obvious and put it all to rest and so his solution was simply to stop answering my emails. He went into 'hiding' ... which, if he could not face and address his Phantoms from my Malkuthian point of view it kinda said that he was more so lost in the Qliphoth of Hod and not that Chronzon, far more crafty than I, was eating his Soul ..... but I knew that he read the blog and he forced me to try to reach him through this forum. My postings may appear to have been judging but never once did I say anywhere that he couldn't take the Oath or whether or not I could judge if he was worthy to take it, rather I continually pointed out that he had prepared himself foolishly and logic dictates that there is no way he could have attached himself to the Abyss with the Foundation he had created. 

Could he have corrected his mistakes?  100% Hell yes!  But did he ever come back asking how to make it right? ... NO ... he simply said that he was automatically right, his teachers were all wrong and I'm not going to talk to you anymore. Is there any doubt that ego is talking? And the more he played this game the more it revealed his Foundation. Still, regardless if he was stupid it is only to our benefit that he succeeds in any of his magickal endeavor which is why I keep trying to drop tidbits on this blog for him to ponder and hopefully to redirect his thinking.  

Finally, to address another question. If there are tests for ever A.'.A.'. grade  is there one for the Magister Templi? Grady did have me take a 'Test' to see if I had attached myself to the Abyss proper. He told me, success is your proof. He claimed that Crowley actually talked about this, as did Achad, as did Parsons ... and I can attest; it’s a cut & dry, undisputable proof. It is a very simple question to be answered. Grady gave me twenty four hours to give him the solution, acknowledging that in theory I should be able to answer it within an hour ... the Practicus has had the question since last Wednesday.  

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4:05pm To address an email – “Jer 93. Great posting today. You wrote how a person cannot stay above the Abyss but wouldn’t them being a Magister Templi mean that they automatically achieved all the spheres so they can move where they want? 93s F.” ...... Reply: Absolutely not. The key fact to always remember is that the Magister Templi cannot stay above the Abyss and he can only function out the last sphere which he spiritual accomplished. Taking the Oath does not automatically make you a Saint. If it were that easy why not have everyone simply take the Oath? Wouldn’t the world be a better place? Even on the remote chance that the Practicus does succeed at setting himself up as a vehicle (i.e. Pyramid) he can only receive the Gnosis out of the vehicle that he has prepared ... this being Hod. This was the folly of Frater Achad. He jumped from Malkuth. He took the Oath, stopped trying to fulfill the Tree and thought himself Myself Made Perfect ... within the required four years for the ‘wires’ to be established his books were already portraying crazy. Some of the spheres had not been set up properly to received Gnosis and he was obviously twisting the data in his head which inevitably had him reversing the Tree upside down.

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Tuesday October 27th 2009 – 8:30am Frank writes - "93 Jer. On the 24th your 4:05pm posting stated how even "on the remote chance that the Practicus does succeed at setting himself up as a vehicle (i.e. Pyramid) he can only receive the Gnosis out of the vehicle that he has prepared ... this being Hod. This was the folly of Frater Achad. He jumped from Malkuth. He took the Oath, stopped trying to fulfill the Tree and thought himself Myself Made Perfect ... within the required four years for the ‘wires’ to be established his books were already portraying crazy. Some of the spheres had not been set up properly to received Gnosis and he was obviously twisting the data in his head which inevitably had him reversing the Tree upside down."  I never thought of it this way.  How soon after a person takes the Oath do they start acting crazy? You and I know from the old days when _______ took the Oath. We both saw within the year that things were 'different' and not giving us any indication of a clean vehicle.  Do you ever hear from ________ anymore? I have been following your Practicus' saga. He is a text book case of lost and speaking the way of Chaos. Why aren't you slapping him? You mentioned the 'Test' also on the 24th, are you going to let us know if he passes or fails. What is exactly the 'Test' ?  ... In Light. 93 93/93 F."

Reply: No. ________ has fallen off the Tree somewhere; most likely roaming the streets of New York muttering to himself. ... As for your questions, you enter the Abyss and Chaos begins instantly. Choronzon immediately begins whispering in your ears to inflate the drops of ego not previously destroyed or put under control. If you jump and skip spheres, he's got a lot of juice to work with. ...  Personally, I'd love to slap my Practicus but it'll do no good. Yes, most of his emails are already dripping with Words rooted in Chaos and at this point he's unable to see it although virtually everyone else around him does who has been reading his saga on the blog. So, I guess everyone else is crazy and the Practicus is sane? ... He has clearly embraced the way of his demon and this cannot be changed unless he's willing but his demon is telling him to avoid us, don't write, don't contact us ... and this is because his demon doesn't want his guidance to be exposed in the Light of Day and without a critical sounding board to his words and actions, the Practicus, we fear is lost. ... Ah, the Test; the Practicus failed it miserably. Choronzon whispered the answer, not the Gods. It showed us who is in control and which direction he is facing. ... The Test, for now, is Secret although Crowley has published the answer in numerous places.

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8:55am An added note: Grady told me back in Syracuse in 1984 when I swore the Oath of the Abyss in front of him that the part of the Oath which states how "I shall interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with his soul" is a double-edged sword. He reminded me that besides the immortal Gods, those Adepts like himself who reside above the Abyss as a Magister Templi are no men but Gods incarnated and he warned me that I must carefully interpret his 'Words' from this point on because his guidance was tempering me in an Alchemical furnace from Malkuth. Simply by being an MT the Gnosis that Grady consciously, or unconsciously, was channeling when he and I talked may appear trivial to others but if I missed  'specific signs' I could easily become lost.  I took his warning seriously.  However, the Practicus, armed with only his teachings up to Hod, knows it all ... he has discarded his teacher, a Magister Templi as was Grady, as if he were an old suit of clothing no longer needed. ... Still, I hold out hope.

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Friday October 30th 2009 – 7:43am Yesterday I received a very lovely email about the Practicus who recently swore the Oath of the Abyss, part of which stated - "I have been thinking lately about the nature of the Father/Son relationship (you and the Practicus) and how there comes a point in every little boy's life where he moves out of the house, and at times this does not go well. Parents have wisdom that children can't see and don't want their children to make either the same mistakes that they have, nor the mistakes that they have learned through life experience and observation. Damned kids rarely ever listen" ..... I replied : Don’t sugar coat it. I am merely a guidance counselor on the other end of the suicide hot line trying to talk some sense into a jumper. 

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Sunday November 8th 2009 –  7:06am On Friday my 7:00am posting  mentioned – “In astrology we are taught that when a person is having difficulties manifesting their Sun sign there is a strong tendency to shift the most negative qualities of its opposite sign into the forefront of their personality.” ... Everything has a Yin and Yang and I’d like to point out and stress that when the ‘opposite’ sign from the Part of Fortune in a birth chart becomes dominate then the negative qualities could easily prevent an individual from fulfilling their incarnation. Remember, the Part of Fortune is naturally a Harmonies area in our chart and it must remain so. The polarity cannot be allowed to shift.  
What exactly is your ‘Part of Fortune' ? There are three critical factors in every birth chart which determine our over-all incarnation. They are our Sun Sign, our Moon Sign and our Rising Sign. These three points each refer to one of the Moirae or Fates mentioned in Plato’s The Myth of Er ; Lachesis (ruling our Sun Sign), Klotho (our Moon) and Atropos (our Rising Sign). It was these three Fates who ratified our chosen life after reviewing all the facts regarding our past, present and future; of birth, life, death and equally important, rebirth. When we mathematically correlate these three Fates or our Sun, Moon and Rising Sign into one single point we obtain our ‘Part of Fortune’ or ‘Lot of Fortune’. The sign and astrological House that the Lot of Fortune falls in could be totally different than our Sun Sign but its importance should not be over-looked. It will help explain why six people who are born at the same moment and place in time may have a totally different ‘mask’ webbed around the characteristic of their Sun Sign. Each person has an over-all different lot in life and if understood they will have a better understanding of their ‘foundation stone’ in childhood but equally important; it will give them an indication of what and how they shall make use of those things that were been given to them at birth. In other words, this is ‘your lot in life.’
To further understand our Lot of Fortune consider what Dane Rudyar wrote, or how “... we can define it (the Part of Fortune) as the focal point for the expression of the power generated by the soli-lunar relationship.”  With this in mind, if your 'lot in life' is influence by an over bearing negative current it could easily affect your entire chart. For magicians, especially those who are attempting to climb the Tree of Life ... you'll play with fire if one Iota of the opposite sign from the Part of Fortune is allowed to manifest its negativity in the Light of Day which will immediately begin to influence your 'personality' or Sun Sign in particular and it'll tip the scales between your Sun & Moon. Remember, it is easier not to tip the Scales in the first place than trying to Balance them after a magickal blow-out.  Basic astrology 101.

In a twisted way, by discussing so much Virgo qualities on Friday I am reminded of the Practicus who stupidly took the Oath of the Abyss without guidance a few months back. He has both his Sun and his Lot of Fortune in the 9th House in Virgo just a few degrees apart. This House rules Sagittarius whose ruling planet is Jupiter. Jupiter rules the Qabalistic sphere of Chesed-7 on the edge of the Abyss and this is also the house of remote exploration which in a magickal sense could easily imply his unconscious drive to take the Oath of the Abyss. But, if not done correctly his phantoms (Choronzon) are truly Piscean (opposite sign from Virgo). 
If we were to look at the 10th House as Binah-Saturn (Capricorn) and its cusp as the 'Abyss', as many astrologers consider it to be in our psyche, then the greater tragedy is that this Practicus' South Node is just a few degrees inside the 10th House almost directly on the cusp and also in Virgo. ... Our 10th House is our fame, our notoriety and basically the position that we hold in the public's eye, or in our parent's. ... So what is the image that we are getting from this Practicus? 
His chart clearly implies that until his Sun & PoF faces its Karma then a crossing of the Abyss is all but impossible and will remain fleeting. His South Node is the number one 'obstacle' smack on the 10th House cusp that must be faced and basically the South Node is the ‘affect’ that he is experiencing due to his own  actions. In brief; the tail of the Dragon represents undesirable accumulated things which can thwart the head from moving forward by slowing the over-all body down. If not addressed in this life, the folly of the tail will only be worsened in the next. 
The bottom line; with all the karma, animosity and phantoms that this Practicus has generated toward his A.'.A.'. Superior, his friends and lineage due to his damn pride and ego fueled by an overbearing Piscean negativity it'll be all but impossible for him to succeed. He should talk to a Pisces and see how they walk themselves out of bad situations. Anyway, his fate reminds me of the TV show 'My Name is Earl' ...but I doubt the Practicus will ever be able to rectify his folly because he is incapable of mending fences. In fact, he believes that it is I who should apologize to him! ...  What did I do? ... But until he addresses what he has done to me, his immediate Superior, it'll be as drops of blood that he is incapable of putting into Babalon's Chalice. Remember, if so much as a single drop of Blood is withheld from her Cup it is impossible to enter into the City of the Pyramids ... and even if he comes out three or four years from now and proclaims himself having successfully crossed the Abyss, everyone will already have predetermined his public image ... and I wonder what that image will be?  It'll dog him the rest of his life unless he addresses it now. Images can be easily changed but in magick, karma is a bitch if left unchecked.   
My door is always open ... 

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Sunday November 15th 2009 –  3:40pm Here is a question - "Why is the lower Ruach so dangerous?" .... Reply: All members working out of the Ruach (the grade of the Lovers) according to Crowley are referred to as Adepts. The lower half of the Ruach is the first area where a magician seeks their Angel more so than any other area on the Tree of Life. Crowley writes - "To the man of earth it matters but little if he suffers nocturnal pollution, or indulge in wantonness; to you that are Adepts it is ruin absolute." ... The Ruach's danger has to do with the Laws of Opposites below the Abyss. To seek something evokes its opposite automatically and this means that to seek something 'far away' implies that its opposite must be 'close by.' 
This is why magicians, especially working out of Hod, Netzach and Tiphereth who are required to put their certainty in the 'Circle' (Angel) or Number higher up in the Tree of Life as indicated by their magickal degree, must and I repeat must, learn to control the 'Square' (Demon) or Number which indicates where they reside on the Tree. If they fail to understand this duality then their Demon, who lies in waiting close by, can easily 'enflamethe ego' to believe in and do stupid things ... and if the 'ego' is not controlled (within lower Ruach) then it will utterly corrupt Self downward into the most mundane depths of Malkuth where the Demon will actually manifest itself to the magician in the form of a woman to corrupt his 'Chastity' under the guise of Love. Most magickal failures occur in the lower Ruach, that is a fact and virtually all can be traced to an affair of the Heart.    
In Julius Evola's classic work Metaphysics of Sex (pg.192) it states - "It is said that demons came in the form of women to the Templar Knights who practiced Chastity, and that every Knight had his own Demon." ... Crowley states pretty much the same thing in De Nuptiis Secretis, Deorum cum Hominibus about how there will "appeareth a Demon in the form of a woman to pervert him."

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4:00pm An afterthought to my last posting: or why is the Demon a woman?  Basically, our 'Angel' can be either male or female [see the Bagh-i-Muattar]. In my case my Angel is 'female' which means the closest thing to me to manifest in Demonic form will be an actual flesh and blood 'female' trying to corrupt me. If I correctly learned and practiced Chastity there would be no problem and she could not affect my Universe.  

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Sunday November 15th 2009 –  5:25am While talking with Ben Hance yesterday about November 15th's 3:40pm posting he reminded me of another reason which I should have mentioned in regards to the dangers of working the lower Ruach. It is the first area where a magician has to deal with unfamiliar ground or with the Left Hand and Right Hand Pillars, both unBalanced in contrast to the Middle Pillar. And I might add that while in one of these outer Pillars you can easily 'tip the scales' and for this reason, all magicians warn their students, it is better to seek solely the Middle Path than take lightly the 'Snaking the Tree.'  

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Sunday December 6th 2009 – 9:40am An A.'A.'. initiate from afar wants to know if there are "any new developments with the Practicus who went mad" and who took "the Oath of the Abyss in a foolish manner." ... He further points out that he's been following the blog every day and "we haven't published anything since last month on the 15th. Any new developments? I am finding this the most intense magickal theory thread anywhere, I'm learning a lot and I was wanting to know how it turns out. I feel like I am left hanging." ..... Reply: Good point. We're all been left hanging but there has been a lot going on behind the scenes over the last month. My goal is to wrap things up soon or within a week or so. I'll post a conclusion but as to how it plays out for better or worse is in the Practicus' hands; it is his karma. He has Free Will to determine its outcome. Right now the Practicus has walked himself up to a soaring cliff and is on the verge of jumping where he'll plummet downward to his doom, like a fruit falling off the Tree of Life ... but before he leaps he still has free choice to make the right decision. This is what we are all hoping will happen. However, if he jumps we can assume it to be his Fate; or as Manly Palmer Hall puts it – “Free-will leaves off where foolishness begns."

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Monday December 7th 2009 – 8:10am After reading yesterdays 9:40am posting, Mike wants to know how I plan to "wrap things up soon or within a week or so" in regards to the Practicus who went mad after taking the Oath of the Abyss.  .... Reply: Well, it is complicated but I do not like leaving things unfinished from one year to the next. I like to begin each new year with a clean magickal slate so that I might take my own incarnation to its next stage.  I begin each year through birth, I live my life to the fullest, and inevitably I leave no phantoms buried in the shadows so I evoke the Laws of Death that I might be reborn into a new year with a clean slate. How do I do this? As an example: I have been unbelievably tolerant with the Practicus over the last five months when others simply said cut him loose ... but now the time draws close where I must move on. This 'entire' mess must be brought into the Light of Day so that it can follow the course of the Sun. As long as I am focused inward on helping pull the Practicus' head out of the Chaos of Hod, I am tied to his lunacy and I will drag it with me. We are all hoping that the Practicus finally gets what we've been saying and brings the conclusion out into the Light of Day himself,  or a conclusion that best benefits him in the Order. 
The conclusion that I will bring out into the open may not be to his best liking but I must think of the Order above him. 

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Wednesday December 9th 2009 – 10:00am I am getting a lot of emails regarding how the episode with the Practicus, who took the Oath of the Abyss, will end and inquiring as to what we might have been doing behind the scenes to help him.  ... Well, for starters, we try very hard never to simply throw an Adept to the wind who has become seemingly lost. The reason we get involved in vertical schools is not just for guidance but also to have someone there in case we trip on the path; to pick us up,  dust us off and point us in the right direction. It would be hypocritical of us in the A.'.A.'., when this Adept stumbled for the first time, that we would simply turn our back on him. We must exhaust every possibility to keep him from falling off the Tree of Life ... for once a fruit falls, it never re-attaches itself.
After much haggling, in early November, the reality was slowly sinking in with this Practicus and he asked for help. On November 15th I sent him this tome:
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93
You wrote on Sunday November 8th – “93 all... I'm not sure what else to say... In todays blog you wrote, and I quote " But until he addresses what he has done to me, his immediate Superior"... So lets start here??? How can I address this and what in particular are you speaking of?” 

Well, this is the first indication of a positive step forward. I am pleased. What you did to me was first to acknowledge how great my teachings and guidance has been over the years which enabled you to work the Tree of Life up to a certain stage ... then, you take the Oath of the Abyss ... and you begin ignoring my teachings as well as everyone from Aleister Crowley to Grady, of magickal theories in general and the Laws of Tree of Life ... as to what the Oath of the Abyss is all about and why you are exempt from following all the proper procedures for success. ... It is here where we start; trying to rectify this in order for you to move forward.  Are you willing?

Remember, in the Ruach everything is Balanced in its opposite; Ying and Yang; a Lower and Outer Adept, etc & etc. ... Have you not fully grasped why the numbers reverse in the Circle & Square in our Magickal Degrees above Tiphereth and what this means, if so, please explain?  You threw yourself into a realm where this Law is required to be ‘Understood.’  

Had you told me of your plans in advance to take the Oath I would have immediately told you that while in the MOE, or central Pillar, it is easy to jump. All Power is given to the MOE similar to the Minerval in the OTO ... but I would have advised you that as an Adept you should NEVER jump from the lower Ruach [Outer Adept]; its an unbalanced area bathed in both our outer Ego and pure Chaos struggling to force the magician back to Malkuth. It is where Nature tries to ‘right the wrong’ since it is believed that we have no right to climb in the Tree of Knowledge; where you as an Adept had apparently climbed. ... This single area is controlled more by the ‘square’ than any other on the entire Tree which means a person automatically struggles within the Qliphoth of these spheres; not on the front side of the Tree. If these three spheres of Hod, Netzach and Tiphereth are not completely achieved it can reek of failure for an Adept and in fact this is the one area where most A.’.A.’. initiates have tragic magickal failures, and in all lineages.  Consider this:

(a. The Outer Adept automatically works through the Square (i.e. Qliphoth) in our Magickal Degree and they must learn to focus on the Circle. The demon rules in this area which is known as our Lower Ruach (Hod/Netzach/Tiphereth) which is often referred to as a MOE crossing the lower Abyss or Portal on the Tree of Life. This area is designed to force a magician ‘consciously’ to face his outer personality or their Sun’s (Tiphereth) Light facing downward as others see it and especially how they projects it; both regarding its positive qualities and negative. This is where we must put our ego under control but you simply decided to ‘jump’ beyond these requirements as if they were not important. Magick 101 tells us that it is virtually impossible to complete this obligation while in the Abyss. Can you find me one reference in any magickal book which informs us that controlling our ego before we enter the Abyss is not important?   

I didn’t make up this rule, so where does this leave us?  

(b. The Inner Adept automatically works through the Circle (Spirit) and easily controls the Square. Once within Tiphereth/Geburah/Chesed the Adept will begin manifesting ‘unconscious’ workings, very archetypal thoughts out of the Anahata Chakra. Hence Crowley had his poetry as a ‘geyser of his unconsciousness’ as did Grady, others like myself and Luis have our art and you ... what about your Thesis?  Had you not skipped the Higher Ruach it would have been unfolding to you. So, what gushes from your unconsciousness that dictates the Laws of your incarnation?  You cannot fully enter the City of the Pyramids without your Thesis; it is officially your ‘ticket’ to the Ferryman  So again, what is your Thesis?  Don’t confuse the Thesis with a Magickal Record, or Diary as you had previously implied; they are not the same.

Had you approached me with your ambitions to take the Oath of the Abyss, I would have advised you against it but had you insisted I could have quickly moved you, step by step, up into Tiphereth within a real short period of time so that we could bring you to a Balanced place in order for you to jump safely but now it is too late.  So where does this leave us?

Also, the grade of the Lover, according to  Aleister Crowley, demands upon us “inner, intellectual tests” [The Equinox Vol.I No.7 p.392]; also note AL I:50, ... and I should point out; you also leaped from within the Qliphoth of Hod; a sphere ruled by the ‘Intellect’ both good and bad. ... Do you consider the disregarding of A.’.A.’. teachings to be the achievement of your ‘Intellectual’ tests?

Failure to even consider what I’ve been saying since day one clearly shows that you are automatically dragging ‘intellectual’ phantoms and baggage with you of denial and unless addressed; you’ll remain forever tethered into the Qliphoth of Hod ... which will be a hint as to where you’ll fall if you become a Black Brother. The fallen within this sphere inevitably babble ‘intellectual’ evidence as to why they, and they alone, have always been correct in their beliefs and how everyone else is wrong.  We see these types of individuals working out of Hod in magick all the time. But is this behavior not ego unchained? Remember; all people working out of the Lower Ruach naturally work out of the Qliphoth in these spheres in order to put their ego [i.e. their demon-square] under control; you were not exempt from this Law; nor had you risen up to be an Adeptus Exemptus when you jumped which would have made it easy. So, how do you think we rectify this problem ?

Furthermore, the reason why you MUST go back and attempt to fulfill all its Obligations and face its phantoms within the sphere of Hod is because a true Magister Templi holds the degree of 8=3. ... The ‘Circle’ being 8-Hod and the ‘Square’ being 3-Binah.  What does this imply?  Remember, no one can stay ‘Above’ the Abyss; to claim to be a Magister Templi working out of 3-Binah means that an individual puts their ‘point of view’ back into the sphere of 8-Hod and uses it as the receiver of Gnosis [via the descending Left Hand Pillar of 418) ... but this is a sphere in which you had failed to fully bring under control. Hence, the danger of instantly becoming a Black Brother the second, no matter how many years from now, that you claim in the Light of Day to be a Magister Templi.  How do we rectify this?  

Also, Grady told me that because I leaped from the Ruach I could never ‘openly’ proclaim to be a Magister Templi until I had fulfilled those sphere in which I jumped; these being Geburah and Chesed. I took the Oath of the Abyss back in 1984; it took me five years to fulfill just two degrees of 6=5 and 7=4 ... You failed to complete five spheres in the Ruach. ... How do we rectify this?

Even more dangerous; according to Aleister Crowley a major requirement for the Ruach is, and I quote him - “Eleven years of service as an Adeptus” before one is admitted into the next Grade, or that of the Hermit. “It is written that beware less this is not fulfilled for the Gods exact the price one way or the other.” ... Had you jumped as an Inner Adept from within the Ruach it would have been easy because in theory, once within Tiphereth, you are working out of the Anahata Chakra which rules the three sphere of Tiphereth/Geburah/Chesed [a hint as to how the Circle/Squared works above Tiphereth] but you are still not exempt from the 11 years of service; its just easier to apply them. ... Also, other individuals like Fraters Achad and Grady, jumped while still working out of the MOE. Had you remained a ‘Parzival’ in the MOE this would have been a different story; innocence has its benefits. ... But you entered the Lover Grade in October 2007.  Why do you think you don’t have to fulfill this time requirement? 

If you do feel that you’re still going to fulfill it, how do you plan on fulfilling it while having a limited time within the Abyss to achieve or be thrown out?   

Now do you see another reason why it is dangerous to jump from the lower Ruach?

The next problem: you cannot take magickal Oaths and affirmations to create a Clerk House (i.e. establishing your body ‘as’ a Temple of God) and then decide to change the rules later just because you’re nearing ‘forty’ ... you have NOT finished your Temple ... for you, it is virtually impossible to entered the City of the Pyramids because you still owe over eight years of service which is not just an idle rambling of time but it is the time frame that most Adepts agree that it will take to establish the wires for the Kundalini to be worked properly into the upper spheres on the Tree of Life. Although we often mention establishing the ‘wires’ over a four year period while in the Abyss this concept is very misleading ... it is while ‘in the Ruach’ that you actually begin forming the ‘wires’. ... Remember, the Kundalini sleeps in Yesod (MOE) and when awakened it slowly rises upward. If you had completed and ‘worked’ the sphere of Hod then the ‘psychic wires’ in this area would have been put into place or ‘opened’ permanently. Then you’d be able to move Kundalini up into Netzach to establish the new ‘wires’, then Tiphereth and etc & etc. ... The four year ‘time frame’ often mentioned while in the Abyss is actually the time it takes to learn how to use what you had previously established - properly. ... Be that as it may, you cannot claim to use ‘wires’ in a Temple when neither exists.  Duh!  Had you jumped when a MOE you are exempt from this Law. [Secret, O Man!]  Again, I didn’t make up that rules ... now do you see part of the problem, how can we rectify this?

Finally; the secret of the Oath of the Abyss lies in the fact that Above the Abyss we are ‘One’ which implies that Magister Templi, Magus and Ipsissimus are in fact three stages of the same manifestation. Read John St John (Eq I:1 pg.10-11) what is the actual Oath of the VIIIth Degree? This is what you’ll be held accountable to in reference to interpreting every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with you soul.   

The Magister Templi like First Degree and VIIIth degree OTO all work out of Binah. ... Of note: Aleitheia (αληθεια) is the Greek Goddess of Truth; the daughter of Zeus (Jupiter). Etymologically Aletheia’s name is derived from the Greek word alethus which means ‘true’ or ‘not concealing.’ The name Aletheia signifies many things. For instance, the letter ‘A’ when added in front of a Greek word as a prefix can denote ‘not’ or ‘non’ while the next five letters of her name spell out Lethe (λήθη); Lethe being the name of the mythological River of Forgetfulness. Greek scholars have always acknowledged that Aletheia is the Goddess who helps us undo ‘forgetfulness’ which is why her name is often translates simply as “remembering.” She is often depicted as a beautiful young virgin dressed in white but the ancients also acknowledged that Truth can be very elusive. She is said to be found hiding at the bottom of a Sacred Well (i.e. as used in First Degree OTO).  ... I am to remind you ... she is the Goddess of TRUTH. ... This is what must be adhered to in order to enter the City of the Pyramids.  Every phantom created below the Abyss patronize one’s ‘I’ (ego) and it is like blood being withheld from the Chalice of Babalon (Binah) of which you are seeking in the City of the Pyramids. 

So, it is not going to be easy but if you’re willing to walk yourself out of a bad intellectual head space you’ll be one of our better teachers because you can teach from first hand experience. Remember, its easy to make mistakes, we have all done something similar within magickal schools but its harder to admit to our folly and move on. 

So, where do you think we go from here? Please answer all my questions carefully.
93 93/93 Frater Ached Osher 583
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I am releasing the above email because it has much information that may, or may not be of help to others along the path. Traversing the Tree of Life above Yesod is a complicated, if not a dangerous game. Too many people think that all they have to do is take an Oath, claim a degree and then tell everyone that they are in such and such Sphere on the Tree of Life without the slightest bit of magickal theory or training as to what it all entails. In Grady's A.'.A.'., theory is EVERYTHING. We are scientists. ... I wrote to another student just yesterday - "When we work in the depths of our mind were sanity and insanity are occasionally blurred, we need outside intervention with someone watching out backs." - "Magick is a serious pursuit and when we talk about ‘blow-outs’ reigning down into Malkuth ... they’re real." ... So, if this blog does little else, if we can drive home the fact that magick is not some simple child's game, then we have succeeded where so many others have failed.

More to come ...

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Friday December 11th 2009 – 10:35am On Wednesday December 9th at 10:00am I mentioned how I was getting a lot of emails regarding how the episode with the Practicus, who took the Oath of the Abyss, will end and many were inquiring as to what we might have been doing behind the scenes to help him. However, after I posted the previous email between myself and the Practicus to explain, I received a few incoming emails curious about us 'airing dirty laundry' ... in the future, these type of inquiries will simply be deleted. I don't address stupidity. ... For the record; we are not 'airing dirty laundry' ... we are magician, scientists and we use each other as a learning experience; we study each other's lives as if they were maps to our own consciousness. The Internet has given us all a valuable tool to read first hand about magickal theories and ideas. Should we hide this knowledge behind closed doors? ... No. ... Grady McMurtry's A.'.A.'. has never believed in Mysteries. These are the enemy of Truth. If others in our lineage (and beyond) can get glimmerings of Truth from what we post - then this recent magickal meltdown is a valuable learning experience for All. That is why we are posting these emails between a Teacher and a student.  But if you see no higher than 'dirty laundry' ... it kinda says it all, no?
Be that as it may; I went on to mention in my previous posting how "we try very hard never to simply throw an Adept to the wind who has become seemingly lost. The reason we get involved in vertical schools is not just for guidance but also to have someone there in case we trip on the path; to pick us up,  dust us off and point us in the right direction. It would be hypocritical of us in the A.'.A.'., when this Adept stumbled for the first time, that we would simply turn our back on him. We must exhaust every possibility to keep him from falling off the Tree of Life ... for once a fruit falls, it never re-attaches itself" ... I then mentioned that after much haggling, in early November, the reality was slowly sinking in with this Practicus and he asked for help. ... and so, on November 15th, I sent him a tome, a copy of which I posted on the blog on December 9th. ... He actually replied to it on November 25th. The very next day I sent him my reply, informing him that his original email [posted below] is in RED, my comments are inWHITE.  

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You asked me to answer your questions… so hear goes… [Well, for the record, you answered almost none of my questions. I don’t think you follow directions well. This may be the root of your problem.] clearly from your position we are left with but a few options…either I am to become a Black Brother, cast from the Abyss… or I must face all the phantoms within the lower Ruach beginning in Hod… of course I would prefer the later. [I too would prefer the latter.]

For the record I never stopped listening to you or Crowley or considering your position etc… Your theories remain sound. [Sound? ... but you constantly twist them to fit your WANTS?] But in some ways you have misunderstood me. When I took the Oath I never intended to skip any Spheres, nor do I deny that if you truly leapt into the Abyss from any position below Tiphereth; chances are your on your way to becoming a Black Brother… but I wasn’t casting myself into the Abyss like that… that was never my intention. I was initiating a life long path leading to the Crossing of the Abyss not casting myself in at that moment from where-ever I stood. [What?  Not casting yourself in?  So let me get this straight; your ‘new’ view about what occurred when you took the Oath of the Abyss is that you ‘initiated’ a life long path’ to cross the Abyss and that you did not actually ‘cast’ yourself into the Abyss, but are simply fulfilling the spheres one by one upward until the day you’re ‘actually’ cast in, right? ... Besides being contradictory to many of your previous emails, this is utterly crazy. ... All magickal books clearly state that you take the Oath of the Abyss and you’re either cast in or you’re not. End of subject. Show me one magickal book which acknowledges your views as being correct or anything other than what you WANT the Oath to entail?] Due to the extenuating circumstances at the time I thought I had to approach the work of initiating myself up the Tree alone from there on out. [I will not go into the “extenuating circumstances”, it’s a sore spot of contention.  ...... However, I will say this; as long as you’re in A.’.A.’. you have a Superior, end of subject. Taking an Oath doesn’t negate that. This is obviously another example of misunderstanding of what occurs when taking the Oath of the Abyss. You have been ignorant of the facts since day one. When I took the Oath it did not mean that I no longer had to listen to Grady. The only time you ‘lose’ your Superior is if you are thrown out of A.’.A.’. or you quit.] My plan was to simply Snake myself up the Tree as best I could culminating in my attempt across the Abyss… I have no idea how many years it would take me to get to the place where I would truly be cast into the Abyss  [Again, rewriting magickal theory: you were either cast into the Abyss ‘immediately’ when you took the Oath; or you failed to make the proper leap and you were thrown out.  You don’t “take the Oath” and then seek a place on the Tree where you can “truly be cast into the Abyss.”  That is utter nonsense and bullshit. It doesn’t happen that way. Where in any magickal book is this defined as the process? Or is it again what you WANT it to be?] or even if I would succeed etc… in other words I also knew I had to fulfill each Sphere and obligation all the way up. The only real difference I see is that you had me in Hod while I would of just worked from Netzach on up…I see the Oath as a daily reminder of the Path I have initiated and nothing will sway me from… no more, no less. This doesn’t imply just forgetting everything else? [For the record; when we moved you into Netzach you almost immediately melted down. That is a fact. If you remember, as your teacher, I quickly moved you back into Hod and requested diaries in an attempt to figure out why the stumbling block so that we could pick you up, dust you off and move you forward. You failed again, obviously showing your limitations. So, for the record, you’re not in Netzach, your still a Practicus and you’ll remain a Practicus until I, your Teacher and Superior, are assured that you have accomplished this sphere. ... HOD is the realm of the Intellect seeking either Truth or Fantasies and to accomplish this Sphere you must shed child-like man of Earth views which are not based in Truths but earthly WANTS. It is the sphere where you supposedly obtain you’re “Bullshit Meter.” ... As I see it, by constantly rewriting magickal theory and playing ‘semantics’ you are looking for a loophole to fit personal WANTS. That is dangerous magick on the Tree of Life; fun head games to banter about with friends while drinking and doing drugs but I warned you long ago, as I do with all students moving out of the man of Earth, the time to play is over. Learn the Laws, live them or you’ll be thrown out of the Tree. ... Netzach is the first sphere where the the Goddess of ‘Truth’ is manifesting ... and didn’t she throw you out? That should have been a wake-up call that somehow your ‘Intellectual’ views are way out of whack. ... So, as I still see it, we need to work things out in HOD otherwise you’ll forever be speaking from the Qliphoth of this sphere.] To be quite honest I don’t believe any series of words automatically cast you into the Abyss, it isn’t that simple; only when I am at the proper moment, being truly prepared will this happen…yet an Oath is an Oath and can never be broken. So I have begun something and I‘m not recanting on the Oath I did take nor in my goal of assailing the Abyss…but the when??? [I agree with what you begin saying because the Truth has finally come out in this email. ... On the one hand you claim an Oath is an Oath and cannot be broken but on the other hand you took an Oath that has been previously been well define ... extremely well defined. ... However, this email clearly shows that since the very beginning when you took ‘an’ Oath of the Abyss, by your own admission, you had ‘rewritten’ its ‘Intent’ which clearly informs me that you didn’t take ‘THE’ Oath of the Abyss that Crowley, Grady, Luis, myself and others have taken, you simply took ‘something’ and then named it the same name as the true Oath. ... and so, you’re NOT in the ‘actual’ Abyss proper.  End of Subject.  You’re still, as I’ve told you since the very beginning, in HOD ... simply intellectualizing and redefining its Laws as you ‘WANT’ them to be. But this is 100% unacceptable in A.’.A.’.. Do you want to get with the program or not?]

In either case you wrote that if I had informed you of my intention to leap you would of quickly moved me onto the Middle Pillar in Tiphereth where I would have the stability to leap from as you did…so where do we go from here? Well my intentions are clear enough now so why not as you suggested, quickly take me from Hod up into Tiphereth? [For the record; my ‘suggestion’ was in regards to an honest, upfront student who had approached me before hand ... you, on the other hand, have created more baggage, crap and phantoms than I care to take on. If I were to quickly move you up into Tiphereth, in order for you to leap ‘correctly’, I would now have to be 100% sure that you have completed the earlier spheres otherwise I’d be taking on part of your Karmic load that you have created.  I hope you understand? ... I should also point out that you are clearly acknowledging an intent to ‘leap’ from Tiphereth into the Abyss if I bring you up to this sphere ... To seek something is an admittance you’re not it; magickal rule no.1 ... so, as I see it, you are also clearly acknowledging that you presently don’t believe that you are in the Abyss. ... so I am completely confused.] As far as the “time frames”… it doesn’t say that you must fulfill the 11 years only that there will be a price exacted by the Gods in one way or another if not… however when all is said and done I may have fulfilled this requirement as well and only time will tell. [Again you play semantics and are looking for loop-holes.  ... but since you are not in the Abyss proper, you are required 11 years service.  End of subject. It is a ‘Ruach thing’. ] 

None the less the danger still remains that I may become a Black Brother; of this fact I am fully aware and again time will reveal much. If you consider me a Black Brother now then state so, expel me and be done with it. If not and you care to offer your assistance then please teach me all that you know in these regards and if NO… then I shall do the best I can on my own. [You can’t be a Black Brother if you are not in the Abyss so I won’t label you such. OK? ... But for the record, if I, as a Magister Templi, acknowledges you having been in the Abyss, and then come out publicly proclaiming you by name as a Black Brother ... This will dog you for the rest of your life as if it were a Magickal Curse evoking only the dark side of your Spirituality. There is ‘NO’ climbing out of that pit. As with Charles Stansfeld Jones, the mere mention of your name will forever become synonymous with someone who twisted magickal theory in order to fit their insanity and ‘WANTS’ ... and whenever your name is mentioned, along with any and all future magickal claims or writings that you release, that image will immediately pop into the minds of everyone. That is the curse of  being ‘called’ a Black Brother. ... and the greatest tragedy is that to be strapped with this title “shuts down any and all further quests upward into the Tree of Life” ... I don’t think you want to go down that road. There is still hope for you to walk yourself out of this mess.]

Still if we are to truly move forward then let me state clearly and for the record that I only promise not to sleep with my own students… all else is fair game in my book and the reasons for such are numerous. If this position is unacceptable in your lineage then I chose the wrong one so expel me, move on and be done with it… but I meant well… 

[You’re giving me stipulates? I don’t think so. Students don’t demand ‘blind check’ stipulates that their teachers must accept. That is not how the A.’.A.’. works. The A.’.A.’. is a chain system not dictated from below to above. I do not accept your ‘fair game’ proposal. ... and as for making ‘promises’ ... all I ask of my students is that whenever they make a promise - they keep it ... it was your Word that was at issue, not the content. If in the future you make any promises with me, I expect them to be kept. If all this is “unacceptable” to you, then quit. 

And for the record, I will NEVER expel you. That is too easy. That would free you up to go off and do what ever you WANT.  I am going to keep you in the lineage and under my thumb until you get it right. And if you decide to baulk at your teacher’s guidance and ignore me, as you have been, then you’ll simply be forever known, as you are presently known, as the crazed Practicus who twists the Law of Magick to fit his earthly Wants; or the Fool in the corner. But we can ‘change’ this image, we’re magicians no? ... The bottom line; as a person guiding humanity, I cannot unleash you upon unsuspecting students in your present condition.  It would be my karma. 

And it is not ‘my’ lineage ... it’s yours too. It is your Foundation Stone. It is part of the ‘Outer’ extension of your Temple (body) ... so don’t be so quick to kick it out from under yourself.  

Finally, a true A.'.A.'. initiate working out of the R.C. seeks to slay the ‘I’ and their entire Life becomes dedicated to becoming a vehicle for SHE; the first inkling of such being felt in Netzach which you couldn’t handle. ... Within A.’.A.’. Netzach is the sphere of Bahkti yoga. The giving up of ‘self’ to the Teacher and Above.  But you’re present email, as with all your previous emails, reeks of “Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, My views, Me, Me, Me, Me, My Terms, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me.” ... do you not see that?  

Inevitably, if  the A.’.A.’. ever does proclaim you ‘fallen’ it will not be because we want it to be such, it’ll be through the Law which denounces all Adepts or – by his Words you shall know him. ... Words are Intellectual manifestations of our Spirit. You cannot claim to be seeking spirituality or Oneness with the Universe in the branches of the Tree of Life while vomiting such ‘MEism. You must learn to get with the program. All of your emails to date only prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are no higher than HOD where the importance of ‘ME’ rules strongest when an initiate is in its Qliphoth. There is a reason why most Adepts fail in the lower Ruach; they approach this area of the Lover with too many cling-ons or man of Earth ideas rather than learning the proper way from the point-of-view of HOD and Above. This will be your doom. You continually and intellectually twist magickal theory, play semantics, back-peddle and try to side step the obvious in an attempt to save face while never once having to admit you might have been wrong. This is unacceptable ego behavior and will no longer be tolerated. You must face your phantoms and vanquish your ego. 

Anyway, I want to be there for you, to help you. I have always, and still, consider you a good friend ... but first, we need to get you back into the A.’.A.’. program proper ... that is, if you are 100% willing.  But I am a hard teacher and you know that. I will not pull punches nor will I acknowledge bogus magickal theories that simply patronize a fragile ego. You’re in an Alchemical furnace and if you cannot stand the heat, well ... anyway, if you are not 100% willing to get back with the program then the only road for you to take is to realize that the A.’.A.’. will never acknowledge you above HOD until you’ve accomplished this sphere correctly. You ARE in HOD, end of subject and the discretion to move forward is not yours. . ... if that is not to your satisfaction, you can simply quit; leaving the A.’.A.’. 100% behind and then wallow on Malkuth “no higher.” 

So, since this is not about me but you, what is your next move? The time to drag this on is at an end. You clearly know my views and I am getting weary of this whole mess.  

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And his reply?   ...   to be continued ... 

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11:20am Ken writes - "Hi Jerry 93. Been loving the blog. I have been following the story of the Practicus since day one. Great theories. You guys rock. Can't find this sort of stuff anywhere else on the internet. I want to write to give my two cents. Does this Practicus think we are all stupid? I re-read his earlier postings and it seems to me that he adamantly said he was in the Abyss. And didn't he defend taking the real 'Oath' and that you were wrong, and that he wasn't in Hod? Now it seems like he's back tracking, trying to save face? Doesn't he see it? ... Hope your health is OK, have fun tonight. It is cold here in old New England. 93 93/93 Kenneth." ... Reply: Its cold here too. And yes, the Qliphoth of any sphere bathes the lost in a delightful ball of contradiction in defense of their ego. All of these posting only serve as a great learning tool for other A.'.A.'. initiates trying to work the lower Ruach because the Practicus' story is not really about taking the Oath of the Abyss as much as it is about the 'Intellect' (i.e. Hod) being driven by an overzealous ego to the point of madness.  

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Saturday December 12th 2009 – 6:50am Regarding this magickal episode with the Practicus that has been drawn out for almost five months on this blog; my 10:35am posting yesterday ended with me posting my last email to him and then asking - "And his reply?" .. followed by a "to be continued" ... and well, here is his reply, pay attention and remember the Laws which dictate by their 'Words you shall know them."   He writes:

93 Jerry...
here goes...
 As far as my position on the Abyss and my Oath...they have always been the same. You always misunderstood my intentions and because of 'matters' I didn't care. I took the Oath at a time when I thought it best for me to move on...in doing so I was not going to give up my quest to climb the Tree...but instead simply do it from guidance from within and no where-else...this will all lead to me truly casting myself into the Abyss when I am at that point of be 'pre-pared' when that moment actually is...is unknown. So yes this is a life long quest and this is the Oath I swore. This path is my own to take and this Oath I cannot break...So to me this Oath takes on much meaning on may levels and does conclude with me assailing the Abyss but no it was never I am now cast in the Abyss. In fact many close to me, and some to you, can attest to this fact because we spoke of it... So it isn't a new position I am taking this is how I have always felt....and no I cant show you in any book where it says I can do this with the Oath... I just did it of my own volition as I have always been very comfortable in my magick boots...this Oath is of my own making and a life long path.
 Also I never thought that taking the Oath meant I was past you or had no superiors or anything like that...My Oath is separate from all that...I felt I was moving past you in these regards simply because I thought I was no longer going to be working with you and nothing more.
 But now looking forward, I hope... you wrote

anyway, if you are not 100% willing to get back with the program then the only road for 
you to take is to realize that the A.’.A.’. will never acknowledge you above HOD 

I am good with this... You ask me my next move... i have none...im content to just put all this behind me and be acknowledged in Hod.
 93 93/93
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Reply: And so, it ends ... we are back at ground zero. The Practicus is, of course, blowing it out his ass with utter distortions but at least he now admits what I’ve been telling him since day one; he’s not in Abyss, he’s still in Hod.  Good.  But think of all the trouble he could have saved himself if he just agreed with me months ago?  Still, there was a bad taste in my mouth after I had read his email. In fact, one of the other Hermits in our lineage, after reading the Practicus' reply, said it best when he wrote to me saying - “93. This is the nicest, most thoughtful, kindest, well thought out 'fuck you' I have ever had the pleasure to read.  93.”
I replied - "I agree. I was furious when I read it. Again, it was ‘I’ who misunderstood him!  Its all ‘my’ fault!  What bullshit.  Does he not realize that I keep a log of all incoming/outgoing emails and I carefully reply only after reviewing the ‘past’ ... he clearly, from day one, claimed to have taken ‘the’ Oath of the Abyss; and now, when he realized what a fool he has been, the story mutates so that he can save face ... by hanging me out to dry! He has yet to take responsibility for the Hell he’s caused in our lineage."
The bottom line ... and a warning to all future A.'.A.'. initiates, take heed - the rule of thumb on every plane and in every circumstance is that when you fuck up : you don’t shift the blame to your wife, girlfriend, friends, your boss, those above you, your professors and teachers,
... and most of all, your Superior in the A.’.A.’.. 
This only gets you nowhere.  

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Friday January 1st 2010 – 7:35am Sadly, and with much regret, I must announce the closing of the AUM HA Clerk House which was established by Robert Flores in Sacramento California. He is the Practicus known as Frater Orpheus, who has had all the crazy ordeals thrown at him in the regards to the Abyss and the Qliphoth of Hod. Last night he sent us his written resignation from the A.'.A.'..  I will not post his lengthy five page tirade vomiting his resignation. It is merely something that he wrote trying to defend his actions by viciously attacking me, the Order and the entire magickal system which didn't recognize his 'greatness.' It is so far off kilter with distorted facts that a first year psychology major would ask - "Who is he trying to convince, us or himself?" ... He is obviously angry, hurt and rather than being a man, acting dignified and resigning with honor, he chose to stamp his feet, whine, bellyache, take his toys and go to his room crying where the 'model of his Universe' is his sanctity. It only proves what we've been saying all last years. Some people just belong on Malkuth, their ego thinks themselves higher, but their actions and words always reveal the Truth. 

"Listen, we pray you, with attention: for once only does the Great Order 
knock at any one door." - Liber XVI vel Causae 


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A FINAL THOUGHT

Saturday January 16th 2010 – 7:00am James from Pennsylvania writes - "Hey Jer 93 and burr. Its cold here! Love the blog. I have some thoughts I want to share. I once knew this guy here in New York whom everyone said went crazy after claiming to have done magick beyond his grade and he fell into Chaos but I found him nice. I didnt think him all that nuts. Can everybody be that wrong about him or is it, as another friend joked, like attracts like and that I'm crazy too? Anyway, he seemed sane. Can someone walk themselves out of having done something stupid magically or are they lost always? 93 93/93 Jim"

Reply: Good questions and yes, you may be nuts. Anyway, if true to form, all who fall will inevitably 'solidify' themselves back to a point of normalcy. This state is referred to by the magickal phrase "Nature rights the wrong" or in other words; since God told man that he has no right to the Tree, Nature will put him back into reality in Malkuth or on the ground where he belongs. And, unless he dies from the fall, he'll simply dust himself off and go on with his business. The greatest danger always occurs while in the state of Chaos not afterwards. As I've said, afterwards, once a magician has fallen back to Malkuth, they will return to their old haunts and in most cases they will function 100% as if nothing had ever happened.  But it was while in the state of Chaos where a magician will do the most damage to themselves by saying or doing something that will haunt then the rest of their life. ... Remember, all magick must also work out of Yesod; despite whatever sphere you are presently attempting to achieve. You need the activation of the Muladhara chakra in Yesod in order for you to function on the Tree. At no time, regardless of the sphere that you are presently working, is it a sole prospect. It is always an accumulation of the spheres below. So never focus so hard on where you stand (or above) that you forget the trunk of the Tree while climbing in the branches or you'll lose your footing.  Most magicians fall from the Tree not from where they are focused but rather from the Foundation that they have built for their footing. 

 Yesod is the animalistic sphere of Nephesch the seat of our Libido. On the most lowest animalistic level this is pure ‘sexual’ energy that can be activated by ‘thinking’ too much about the opposite sex; the clue being “too much.” As I told another student just this week, it’s natures way of helping humanity unconsciously procreate and keep the species alive. Magicians, on the other hand, want to learn how to use this energy to create inward, hence the Laws of Chastity. Unfortunately, while in a state of Chaos, one of the first functions to go is always correct 'thinking' and often what one vomits in their defense can tell a teacher exactly what unresolved problems a student might have and thus the teacher can walk them out - if a student lets them. But some students will often not listen to their teacher while in a state of turmoil and they 'think' themselves into a point of no return. Then, once back to normalcy on Malkuth, they can act as if nothing ever happened and often those arAN OPEN EPISTLE ON 
THE OATH OF THE ABYSS

PREAMBLE

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. – Liber AL vel Legis I:40


I’ve been ask why we began our discussion on the Oath of the Abyss. It’s actually quite simple. It was to educate people as to what actually occurs before, during and after the taking of this Oath. It is no secret that many young magicians read and believe in the psychobabble often posted on-line by those who have neither taken the Oath or successfully made the crossing of the desert. Too many young people are filled with glorious ideas of what the Oath entails as if all you have to do is to utter a few words and a failed life will be better because the Gods will recognize just how great you are. It’s just not that simple, playing in the mind at these depths can easily cause obsession and insanity. This subject of the Oath of the Abyss reared its head in early August 2009 due to a Practicus, who attempted to move from Hod (Mercury) into Netzach (Venus) onto the feminine side of the Tree of Life. The baggage he towed in, without any of us knowing it, was catastrophic. He almost immediately had a blow-out on Malkuth. What he failed to understand is that sooner or later all initiates reach their level of incompetence. How else do we know their true capability? We actually grow by our failures. He is no different than the rest; only in so far as he was able to focus and move beyond the bump with the assistance of his teacher. But it seems he had been lying to his teacher for well over six months and the Goddess Venus was about to say no, you don’t belong on my side of the Tree.

The actual root to the problem began almost a year earlier when this Practicus took on a female student. I sat him down and explained very carefully that due to his past deeds as one of the infamous Sacramento OTO ‘sex magicians’ who often used this title simply as a means to get laid ... that this would be unacceptable behavior in the A.’.A.’.. You cannot, under any circumstance, cross the planes when it comes to horizontal and vertical behavior in a student-teacher relationship. In other words, leave the female student alone, teach her and keep your pecker in your pants. I explained why, from a magickal point of view, that this is dangerous now that she’s attempting to move ‘vertically.’ He gave his ‘Word’ that he’d ‘never’ sleep with any student. We felt there would be no problems because, after all, his student lived in a different state anyway. ... However, within days he slept with another female A.’.A.’. student and even worse, one not even in his own Clerk House, but from another. Then, because he was higher up in the Order than she, she having just joined our Noble Order, he convinced her to be dishonest and to hide their affair from her own Superior. She loved him, she was guilty of nothing less. 

But such mundane sexual shenanigans, all under the pretences of 'questing for spirituality' inevitably caused friction and fights especially after he attempted to move into Netzach, the sphere ruled by Venus. This planet, like the Qabalistic sphere itself, is associated with the 'openness' of love and the ‘affairs of the heart’ as well as both internal and external feminine virtues. On the positive side Venus, or the Manipura chakra, takes the Sun’s light and warmth (Tiphereth) and allows emotional growth in our life but on the flip side if the Sun's light is cut off it can bring death and destruction, and everything withers in relationship to her qualities. Within A.’.A.’. neither sex can guide or use females in a dishonest manner and then expect to achieve spiritually within their counterpart in themselves (Netzach) without conflicts arising from the depths of their psyche which will kick the foundations out of their reality in similar areas. ... As Above, So Below.  It is the Law. ... Netzach on this Practicus' internal Tree blew out his Netzach in his daily life ... It seems that shortly after attempting Netzach he was caught with another woman. Even if nothing ever happened, the impression of impropriety caused the female A.’.A.’. student emotional damage and she ran to her teacher and told him everything. She also learned, despite how many times this Practicus had said that he loved her, behind her back he commented to another A.’.A.’. initiate, from yet a third Clerk House, that he wished that he’d sleep with her and to take her off his hands. All this and more she found out and she was devastated, she felt used and she experienced a pain so deep of which this Practicus will never know by toying in the affairs of her heart. When confront with his dishonesty, his lying and the problems that he caused by bringing petty mundane sexual issues into the A.’.A.’. which inevitably affected three Clerk Houses, the Practicus didn’t deny it. He apologized ... and it should have ended there. [see the posting at the end of this Epistle dated Saturday August 22nd 2009 8:42am for the Practicus rebuttal to some of the above statements]

Our next step was to help the Practicus properly achieve Netzach. Is that not our goal, to help? But the only way that we could do this properly was to identify the problem. Although the ‘blow-out’ on Malkuth regarding Venus (or feminine currents) was obvious in the world around him, we lacked his internal thoughts as to the ‘magick’ that he had set in motion which caused it. We impressed upon him to keep a Magickal Diary for just one month and to send us daily entries of his thoughts on the Circle Squared. This way we could establish his ‘glitch.’ Of the 40 Buddhist Meditations, the one attributed to Hod (Practicus) is “Analysis into 4 Elements” (777 Col.XXIII) which is why we wanted him to reflect upon the ‘Square’ (Elements) in the three spheres of Hod, Yesod and in Malkuth which he had supposedly already accomplished and to let us know his understanding of how he was ‘controlling’ these three spheres while building a Temple (Square) in which his Spirit (Circle) might dwell. He was obviously ‘thinking’ wrong in regards to how to properly live a spiritual life, but where? Although we basically always knew his problem, we needed him to come to the realization of where he failed regarding the square. That was our goal and a better student would have jumped at the opportunity of such help. 

But his Daimon, like everyone's, is dual in nature; containing both Angelic and Demonic qualities. It was at this point that the Practicus' Demonic side became unconsciously worried but before the Practicus was able to recognize that his Demon (i.e. negative ego) wasn’t really under ‘control’, the Demon convinced the Practicus to be stupid ... the Practicus stopped the magickal diary after just one entry so that he wouldn’t exposed the fact that he really hadn’t been building a proper Pyramid foundation and as an alternative to being exposed, he defiantly went behind his Superior’s back to swear the Oath of the Abyss. ... “and the Demon snickers.”  It was as if the Practicus’ was stamping his feet like a little child at his daddy, and saying “Fuck You” ... “I took the Oath, I’m beyond your criticism and I don’t have to listen to you anymore. God now advises me and I don’t have to prove anything to you.” ... In effect, he was acting like an adolescent teenager rebelling against his father ... and does anyone see the obvious problem here? .... He unconsciously took the Oath for all the wrong reasons and for well over two weeks we tried to reach him but he ignored everyone and dug his feet in. What was then soon discovered through what little writings we were obtaining from him was that he incorrectly took Oath; in his haste he never properly threw himself into the Abyss. He was, in affect, still a Practicus. On August 19th he finally came to this realization himself and informed us of such in an email. We were all elated for we knew that he was safe from the clutches of his personal Choronzon. So again, for the second time, it should have ended here. He should have simply asked, "Now what?" [see the posting at the end of this Epistle dated Saturday August 22nd 2009 8:42am for the Practicus rebuttal and why I misinterpreted his claims; which it appears I did but this opens up a bigger can of worms.]   

At this point I should point out that Grady Louis McMurtry told me back in April of 1984 when I swore the Oath in his presence; that the taking this Oath is not an automatic guarantee that I’ll be cast into the Abyss; otherwise every person who reads it out of some book would be thrown in but he did say that failure to take it properly would cast me into the Qliphoth of the Sphere in which I resided when the Oath was taken; this being Tiphereth the Sun. I was warned that an untrained magician would be unable to tell the distinction between the Abyss and the Qliphoth; I was to study both very carefully and especially fortify the Light of Tiphereth from whence I leaped; just in case I didn't enter the Abyss. 

As for this Practicus, he leaped toward the Abyss from the Qabalistic sphere of Hod but unable to enter, he almost immediately fell into its Qliphoth. According to the Qabalah the Lord of this Qliphotic sphere is Samael which means "The Desolation of God" and it is this demon who represents the Unhappiness of the fallen and failures of creation. Once this tendency is rooted in a Practicus, Samael takes on the form of Theuniel, "The filthy Wailing Ones of God" and that's when attacks can begin from a Practicus toward what it presumed caused his 'failures.' 

Normally, the sphere of Hod, which is ruled by the planet Mercury, controls our 'Intellect' and how we are able to utilize our Sun's light (Tiphereth) which we store within the Moon making it appear 'full.' The Svadhisthana chakra which rules this sphere gives us our ability to perceive our reality and relate to everything from inanimate object to people around us. In astrology this planet rules communication but not necessarily from an emotional level as does Venus but in a much more cold matter-of-fact intellectual way as a bridge between our Sun and others. In the Qliphoth of Hod, where the Ego is never under control, the Practicus will tend to use the 'Intellect' in a negative way. Instead of using it for spiritual growth, he twists his 'Intellect' into a cold defense mechanism away from the Light of his Sun (Tiphereth) toward Malkuth (i.e his reality) to prove, mostly to himself, that he is correct and everyone else is wrong; and often a fallen Practicus attacks, or lashes out verbal hatred toward those he 'assumed' have wronged him, rather than taking responsibility for his own actions. Comunication is failing. Finally, by nature of the Left Hand Pillar's descending force, a Practicus will unconsciously find the need to distance themselves from that which reminds them of their failure and they'll flee to more comfortable settings in the mundane world. These, and other things, are just some of the clues that we watch for in the Practicus whom we feel might have tripped on the path up the Sacred Mountain. And Sadly, all the Practicus' emails portrayed these classic examples of someone tortured mentally in the Qliphoth of Hod. And with that in mind, we found ourselves with the next task. How do we walk this Practicus out of the Shadows and back into the Light? It is no secret that other A.'.A.'. lineages would have cut him loose long ago but what does that say of them when one of their Initiates needs them the most that they are so quick to give up? If a student falls, it is our Duty to extend a hand until all hope is exhausted - all A.'.A.'. initiates should remember this.  If we cannot help our own, how can we ever expect to help humanity?

And this brings us to the reason why we are seemingly airing dirty laundry. In the A.’.A.’. we learn by examples; we study other magician’s lives, read their diaries and their records. We consider each magician like a pathfinder going off into some un-chartered wilderness. - As Above, So Below. - Even in our mundane world some early explorers who traveled to the New World or to some other God-forsaken part of our globe ended up going insane or died but we must never forget that others, who read these early explorer’s records, went further and further still. Because they learned what NOT to do! There were two primary reasons why this whole discussion began on our blog on August 16th 2009; first to guide the Practicus from afar by offering tidbits of daily insights for him to think about and then to use his recent magickal blow-out as an example to others. To warn other students from being silly; those who might think that if they just took this Oath that it could be their ultimate achievement without any consequences in reality. There is far more to this Oath than ‘reciting’ a simple phrase and if this Epistle can make you realize this then we have achieved our goal. 

But if you still feel the need to take the Oath of the Abyss then all I can say is that yes, it is your undisputed right, it is everyone’s right. Even I cannot deny an initiate of this quest without presuming to know their True Will; which would be utterly wrong on my part. However, as Grady  Louis McMurtry did with me, I would advise him properly through the love of Babalon in order to make sure that they would be successful and stand proudly in the City of the Pyramids and had this Practicus come to me I would have offered him my open hand to guide him but instead, he hide his actions in the Shadow and now he wears a fig leaf ... so, the bottom line is this, to all my students worldwide who are reading this Epistle, don’t be stupid ... in the A.’.A.’. you have teachers, use them and don’t be so presumptuous to think that you, and you alone, know better than they. 

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On Saturday August 16th 2009, I posted the following notice on our blog :

"Here is the task for all my students and readers for the upcoming week. Magicians love to pontificate on the supposed fact that if you ‘TAKE’ the Oath of the Abyss it is irrevocable, but is this true? And is a person who recites the Oath, even in a magickal setting, automatically thrown into the Abyss? Right up front I should let my readers know that I am not trying to offer advise on how to properly take this Oath, nor will I reveal its secret, but I do think this open discussion is something needed to inform all of you that this Oath is often very, very misunderstood or interpreted wrong from the point-of-view of Malkuth rather than Chesed where it should be properly taken. Yes, it is far more complicated than most realize. I swore the Oath of the Abyss while standing in front of Grady Louis McMurtry twenty-five years ago this year. I can still hear his advise, his talking about what it 'really' means, of his own stories and those of Jack Parsons and of his explanations what it really entails, advice from The Book of Lies and other sources ... all this and more still rings in my head. As well as the danger of my swearing of the Oath not only to my superior (i.e. Grady) but to the students around me. Grady, clearly warned me, and I quote - "You could kill me." ... What do you think? Why is it so dangerous not only to the magician but to those around him? So, lets talk about the Oath of the Abyss and why there isn't any 'Circle Squared' related to it. Write to the blog and let me know your opinion and your view on what this Oath entails.  
Here is a quote to all those 'thinking' about taking the Oath of the Abyss, it is one of Aleister Crowley's first warnings of obvious failure. Grady told me to read this and study certain things before taking the Oath. If I fail to fulfill this simple task, the Oath was all but impossible.

"... it is the A.'.A.'., whose members are extremely careful to make no statement 
at all that cannot be verified in the usual manner; or where this is not easy, 
at least avoid anything like a dogmatic statement." 
                                                               - Aleister Crowley

The actual thread begins:

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Sunday August 16th 2009 –  7:00am Ricky writes - "Jerry 93, First let me say that I am no where near an Exempt Adept so for the most part I am definitely talking out of my ass. But my understanding in regards to this Oath is similar to any other Magical Oath. It is between one and ones Angel and it binds one forever to its intent. so I would say yes, it is irrevocable. I don't think you can say, "oh sorry buddy, I didn't mean that" to you Angel.  I am not sure if one is thrown instantly into the Abyss. For all I know it could be a gradual realization but one thing is certain, well certain by the testimony of those who have been there. Ones Angle immediately steps aside. It may be that you stand there and look at Her/Him for a bit before you jump, or it may be that your Angle boots your ass out there, I don't know. But if your Angel 'leaves' you then it would be like chaos anyway. With no guidance from above one would be like a ship with no compass or more appropriately a wanderer in an endless Desert of night with no stars to guide you. 
 You said that Grady told you that "you could kill [him]". I have never thought of this side of the Oath of the Abyss. With a student teacher relationship, (which ever one you might be) there is a sort of bond. Within a vertical school such as A.'.A.'. this bond runs deeper than just emotion respect, it is a bond of universes. I think it must be something like a hanging string of pearls. Your superior is above you and your students are below. If the middle pearl explodes then it can damage all others in various ways. Or like in the case of Jack Parsons you could really explode and maybe take your superior with you...  :)
Like I said earlier, I'm not sure, I just think...
93 93/93  Ricky

Reply. When a student begins a sentence by saying "First let me say that I am no where near an Exempt Adept so for the most part I am definitely talking out of my ass", it shows a level head. Good, stay smart. ... We have someone in our A.'.A.'. lineage who was positioned in the sphere of Hod as a Practicus who recently, behind everyone's back including his superior, took the Oath of the Abyss and then afterwards explained why he felt the need to do this and what it means to him. I just wrote to him last night saying - "Still, most of what you write has nothing to do with the Abyss. I guess I’m not getting through to you. What is sad is that you say that you haven’t taken ‘an’ oath for any egotistical reasons but, on the other hand you are indirectly saying that Crowley, Parsons, Grady and myself are all wrong with what the Oath actually entails and that you, and you alone, a low initiate no higher than the sphere of Hod, knows the truth as to what it ‘really’ implies; therefore you jumped and swore the Oath ‘correctly’ ?" ... Ricky, the reason we are having this talk on the blog is that I occassionally see a student tragically misunderstanding what the taking of the Oath implies and I thought, if I could just awaken a few other students somewhere out there in the world to be 'smart', then this discussion over the week will be worth it.

Aleister Crowley - “... when the Exempt Adept reaches the Frontier of the Abyss, his Holy Guardian Angel leaves him, and this is the one supreme terror of that passage.” ... and crossing the desert of sand takes approximately four years for what Crowley carefully describes to Frater Achad as 'connecting the wires.'  FOUR YEARS WITHOUT ANGELIC GUIDANCE.

You analogy about how 'Grady told you that "you could kill [him]" is very good. For quite some time before I actually took the Oath Grady carefully prepared not only myself, but him and those around me. If the theory is correct; that a teacher moves forward by the actions of his students and they in turn are pulled up by his ... then what happens to a person's students if he decided to skip numerous spheres (mountain peaks) and jump into the Abyss? He can not pull them up to where he now thinks he should reside and they’ll only hold him back by their weight - the alternative?  Magickally, in effect, he must cut them loose in order for himself to be successful. 

This was the old mountain climbing analogy that Grady always used of two people on a rope climbing the mountain (i.e. teacher and student). The teacher can only go so high until the rope becomes tight; he then must assist the student upward a few more rocks so that he too can advance. Had our recent Practicus discussed with us his ‘ambitions’ to take the Oath before doing so, as Grady did with me, I would have immediately explained what he had to do and pulled his students away from him so that he could succeed. ... but he didn't do this, he simply slit their throats and selfishly thought of only himself, not them. We're now trying hard to 'grab his student's hands' so that they don't tumble and luckily we're pulling them to safety. ... Sadly, this Practicus writes how his intent is of "guiding humanity forward... and as you have taught me... if I can provide even one stepping stone for anyone in their path... then I have done much." ... First of all, I never taught him to cast his students to the wind like they were unwanted clothes. Grady warned me that if I did such these 'loose ends' (rope) would carry such a karmic weight that it would be insurmountable for me to achieve in the Abyss. 

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7:30am Greg writes - "Dear Jerry, 93  I just read your latest blog entry on the subject of "The Oath of the Abyss?" and an idea came into my mind about the possible nature of what is implied. Liber AL states that "Every man and every woman is a star." I asked myself, what happens to a star in space when it goes through a cataclysmic change? It becomes a black hole, sucking all light and matter into it's center. Is that what is meant when Grady told you that you may kill him? That he may be unavoidably drawn-in to the event horizon? This would also reflect in the fact that other people around you would be affected too? I am seeing that to take the Oath of the Abyss is the equivalent of a star going through this massive change to come out the other side as something of a completely different nature. Am i on the right track or is this Malkuthian thinking? 
 93 93/93  Greig

Reply: Greg see my earlier posting today at 7:00am on this topic but when I mentioned about how Grady told me - 'I could kill him' by taking the Oath ... It is because, if he has to put his ‘thought’ back into the Abyss (as you can do with any area on the Tree once you’ve accomplished it) then his own Angel would have to step aside while he was focusing on how to guide me properly. In other words, Grady’s Angelic side could not immerse itself into Chaos. So part of the symbiotic relationship of teacher-student is for the teacher to carefully prepare himself so that the student's actions don't knock him off the mountain. Simple enough.

If this does not occur, and the student goes behind the teacher's back to swear the Oath it could be catastrophic. If, out of the blue, the teacher finds this out it is only naturally for him to immediately scream "What the fuck!" and then, in thinking about his student's actions, wham, he too is back into an area he may or may not wanted to be. He's unprepared.

It has taken me over a week to re-center myself after this Practicus in our lineage, behind my back, decided to take the Oath of the Abyss. Whether or not he actually swore 'the' correct Oath or not, it still affected me and all week long I was faltering on Malkuth with silly ‘accidents.’ Like me walking off the curb the other day and almost being hit by a car by inches. My mind was so swimming with thoughts of him, how to guide him etc, that I almost did something really stupid that would have cost me my life. I also walked into a door jam going to the bathroom just after typing an email off to him, I even clumsily dropped a glass in the kitchen smashing it, I also broke my favorite cereal bowl on another day. All week long I’ve not been ‘focused’ on Malkuth. It's as if my head has been in the clouds. I can easily do something really 'dangerous' if I do not get myself 'focused.' ... This Practicus' actions have forced me back into an area of the Tree I’m not sure I was ready to deal with again; although I’m feeling far more comfortable with it now but his actions are so ego oriented and selfish; never once thinking about others. Even others in our A.'.A.'. close to this Practicus has been doing ‘stupid’ things all week.  

And as I wrote in the earlier posting - "... this Practicus writes how his intent is of "guiding humanity forward... and as you have taught me... if I can provide even one stepping stone for anyone in their path... then I have done much." ... Ya, like he'll succeed just fine, I say sarcastically shaking my head in disbelief. He is carrying such a karmic weight by his actions (and words) that it will be insurmountable for him to achieve anything ... so anyone thinking about taking this Oath in the future; think about others around you FIRST! Remember, if you've convinced yourself that you're taking the Oath of the Abyss for the sake of humanity, you'll only achieve shit as you stand on a mountain peak built metaphorically on the corspes of your friends, students and teacher.

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7:45am Dave Solina from Florida sent me this email, sorta fitting - "93 oops.... I need to slow down. I did find this amuzing.    http://www.themagickalreview.org/occult-newswire/story04.php
Enjoy 93 93/93  David

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8:20am To Luis .... "Here is a quote to all those 'thinking' about taking the Oath of the Abyss, it is one of Aleister Crowley's first warnings of obvious failure (prior to even taking it). Grady told me to read this and study certain things before taking the Oath. If I fail to fulfill this simple task, the Oath was all but impossible.

"... it is the A.'.A.'., whose members are extremely careful 
to make no statement at all that cannot be verified in the usual manner;  
or where this is not easy, at least avoid anything like a dogmatic statement." 
- Aleister Crowley

The quote above is from Book Four the Chapter VI on Dhyana. Also, do you have a copy of Regardie’s The Eye in the Triangle? If so, review pages 329-337. It’ll explain more."

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8:45am Mary, apparently angrily, wants to know if "we expelled this Practicus who went behind your back" and "is he doomed in your magickal Order" ...Reply: Good questions. Absolutely not, he's not expelled. It would be utterly tragic on our part, when a student hits, in this case his first 'glitch', to simply discard him. No, he's going through a difficult period and as I already told him, I am here for him, to walk him out of a silly predicament that he's walked himself into. The saving grace is that this Practicus really didn't swear the Oath of the Abyss so he doesn't have to deal with any really karmic slaps (mentioned in earlier emails today) outside of simply being silly. Who hasn't done something magickcaly silly in their lifetime? If not, then you can negatively criticize this young pup, but if you have, then offer your hand so he doesn't fall off the mountain. 

To explain, I wrote - " ... Like many who might accidentally read the Oath of the Abyss out of a book or some magician who thinks that they can simply utter the Oath in a magickal setting and it will set it automatically in motion ... your saving grace is that you really didn’t take the Oath. ... Your last email and previous only reads as text book examples of Crowley stating why he could hand a typist some sexual doctrine without fear of abuse, or why a child could read incantations out of magickal grimoires, or why some foolhardy could take a Magickal Oath ... and nothing at all happens to any of them. Its called training, they all lack knowing the proper ‘Intent’ behind the incantation or how they must ‘think’; especially in the case of the Oath of the Abyss in order for it to project your soul into this area. 
Yes, it is said that if you ‘TAKE’ the Oath it is irrevocable, but the key word here is that you didn’t take ‘The’ Oath. You simply took what you assumed to be your interpretation of such as your goal from the point of view of someone low on the Tree; which I might add is text book wrong but, in truth, it is exactly how many people interpret it. Thankfully this ‘safeguard’ is in place; otherwise we’d have lots of people running around and frying out there. ... This is why I wanted you to define your interpretation of the Oath. I needed to see, as your immediate superior in the Order, what you had ‘actually’ set in motion by what you ‘thought’ the Oath involves. Although noble, it’ll hardly throw you into the Abyss. Sorry. We should talk more. There is no shame in being silly, we’ve all done it before. There is only shame in knowing the Truth and ceasing to ignore it because your ego won’t let you face the obvious phantom you’ve unleashed. But, at least now we know what your inevitable aspiration is and we can guide you more correctly toward this goal. 
The bottom line, by ‘thinking’ incorrectly you did a ritual hoping for ‘Money’ but all you’re going to find is a penny. Something will always happen in magick but what you set in motion is purely Malkuthian; no higher. If you truly understood the ‘simplicity’ behind the ‘Intent’ of what the Oath implies, you sit back and go, “Ah, damn ... ”  
I wish you had come to me earlier, I could have guided you better but at least you have been saved [this time around] and for that I am thankful. I do not want to lose you."

The bottom line, perhaps this Practicus' unconscious purpose unbeknownst to even himself has not been so much to actually take the Oath as to force us in our A.'.A.'. lineage to 'define' this process more carefully. For that we can only be thankful to him because, as all in the Inner Order know, we learn by example. He has thrown himself on the fire for other's sake down the road. Now that is noble. For this reason, we cannot expel him, nor think ill of him. He's still a magician, a Thelemite and most of all ... a friend.

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9:10am Mick writes this brilliant gem, with great personal insights - "Jerry 93. Hope all went well yesterday and recent perturbations can be turned into a powerful learning process for everyone effected. I'm certainly paying attention. In a lot of ways many of the topics/events you've been teaching from over the past year have resonances in my own past history with a certain "fraternity." Being able to observe and learn has been enormously helpful in clarifying their motivations and actions toward me. 
Unknowingly at various times I've found myself somewhat cast in the roles being played out now in the A:.A:.. I'm pretty frequently finding myself saying, "Ah! So that's what was going on there! That's what they thought I was all about!" Fortunately for me, my intentionality has been quite a bit removed from what was perceived and so I've (more or less by heart) been able to maintain my integrity in the face of it. But these days I'm becoming more aware of some of the dynamics that happen in occult orders - legitimate and otherwise. 
To think now that I ever took the Oath of the Abyss myself, intented to, or even conceived of what it meant is patently absurd in the light of better understanding my journey so far. It's as if the ordeals I've gone through have been the result of that order's phantoms clashing with my own phantoms; not a spiritual process at all but a deadly, costly role-playing game for all concerned - apparently. 
I now consider my magickal life up to this point as a kind of simulated trial run - a Kether in Malkuth moment in eternity, if you will. 
Whether or not I will in ernest ever take such an oath myself seems quite far ahead of me now. And if I ever do, I think I'll do it when the forces of my discipline and training have gathered to a tangibly focused pitch - and under the personal counsel of my immediate teacher. I think the signs will be there when the time is ripe. Perhaps being able to recognize those signs is the main purpose of developing one's own highly individualized language of conversation with the so-called HGA and knowing when it's time to cut the tether.
Knowing and communicating when the student's cycles of development are at their fullness is the responsibility of both the teacher and the student. I believe now the two must be in conscious harmony for the Oath to be in effect.
What is the Abyss? What is that tractless emptiness beyond the stars? What is the Desert of the Real? How does the experience play out in the student's psyche and in the horizontal field of action? I'll have to contemplate that some more before I try to express my own perceptions on the matter.
I remember there's a section in The Vision and the Voice that deals with the experience of the Abyss, and although the entire Book of Lies is a handbook for the so-called Babe of the Abyss, could you direct me to a particularly pertinent lie or two I might mine for clues? Any assistance is appreciated.
Mick  93 93/93

Reply: I like to have students read Frater Achad's Liber CLXV titled 'A Master of the Temple' which is found in The 'Blue' Equinox Vol.III No.1 pgs. 128-170. It has great insights throughout and although the journey is always different for each one of us, his path still offers you the flavor of the journey. 
Also, read Regardie’s The Eye in the Triangle pages 329-337. 

We'll also be posting other references on this blog as this topic continues to unfold. I think it is going to be a 'hot' topic ...

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9:20am For those interested, read - Liber OS ABYSMI vel Daath, Svb Figvra CDLXXIV (474). Crowley says it is "An instruction in a purely intellectual method of entering the Abyss."  It is known as The Book of the Mouth of the Abyss or of Knowledge (Daath). You can also find it listed on our ‘Contents’ page.

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10:25am In regards to my 8:45am posting one initiate, who wishes to remain anonymous, talked to me on the phone from just down the street and said something along the lines that at least the fire of the burning Practicus is bright enough so that he can clearly see his way now! ... Ouch! ... Another person, or maybe it was me, is advising people to bring marshmallows. ... Sadly, since he was just a Practicus when he threw himself on the fire, the smoke is blowing downhill and hence, we're all choking and gagging from the fall-out. [I hope he realizes we're not laughing at him, but with him?]

"The common defect of all mystical systems to that of the Aeon whose Law is Thelema 
is that there has been no place for Laughter."
 - Aleister Crowley. 

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10:40am Jay writes - "93 Jerry, As far as Liber OS Abysmi goes, I can confirm absolutely that this works. When I was about 19 I did this working on accident (I had actually never heard of it as yet, though even then I considered myself a Thelemite). I was looking to major in philosophy at the time and was wholy immersed in picking apart all ofknowledge,  reality, language and ego. The catalyst was a night of that peculiar dissasociative known as Salvia Divinorum. I spent the entire next day trying to convince myself that tangible reality was real, that my body was real; I had intellectually disintegrated everything we commonly take for "reality." Even then I remember feeling that I had somehow begun to edge into the Abyss and, recognizing the danger, did everything in my power to tether myself back to Malkuth. Fortunately the struggle only lasted about two days. It's interesting to consider this "Mouth of the Abyss or Knowledge." Even then I recognized that what I was "attaining" was truly Knowledge, but I was far from prepared to assimilate it. It doesn't help that I had done this operation by accident and being unprepared to confront Choronzon head-on I had no choice but to turn and flee... Love, Jay 93 93/93."

Reply: I've been married before, I understand ...

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10:45am Mike writes and amusing email, part of which he asks - “You have stated that it is not your views that he took the Oath of the Abyss, why so and if not, what is happening to him that seemingly has you concerned?”  

Reply: Like all teachers, we rely on what we know; by what we’ve been taught by our teachers, by what we’ve read and of our own personal experiences first hand. Grady always told me to ‘write’ things very carefully after taking the Oath because each ‘Word’ becomes part of your Soul’s unconscious affirmation toward your conscious success or not in crossing the desert of sand. If your ‘Word’ implies even one Iota toward what YOU want to achieve, or me, me, me, me, me, then you are holding back drops of blood from the Chalice of Babalon (Binah). You fail. In fact, you cannot even enter the Abyss with this attitude; its one of its fail safe mechanism. You must enter it correctly. ... The Abyss, although it must be discussed in such a manner for people to understand, is NOT all about you. 

What is happening to this Practicus? I’ve seen this pattern before, most teachers have. He’s is not in the Abyss but simply in the Qlippoth of Hod; bathed in the Intellectual Pit of Because trying to ‘justify’ to ‘himself’, more so than to us, that he’s right and everyone else is wrong ... it’s a classic text book example of a magickal ‘obsessive’ meltdown. He can’t even become a Black Brother because in theory he’s never really entered the Abyss ... and tragically, unless he comes to his senses, his ‘magickal obsession' will inevitably force him to move 'on' and away from the the A.’.A.’. ... In the case of a magickal obsession this is because a person’s ego defense kicks into over-drive; they can’t face their phantoms and vaniquish a growing ego, so they often run off to create their own Order so that they can rewrite the Magickal Laws to prove their own greatness while indirectly hiding their inability to fulfill something correctly. This new quest often has them seeking out others who’ll believe them and of course, these will be people whom are always on Malkuth. Anyway, knowing this Practicus who recently attempted to swear the Oath of the Abyss, this is not his destiny. He's too good for that. I suspect him and I will be sitting here at a local bar tossing down a pitcher of beer and having a good laugh over this someday. So you ask - "Is there hope for him?" Of course, all serious magicians have ‘glitches’ or occasional magickal meltdowns. It’s why we need teachers; to pick us up, dust us off, blow our nose and point us toward where we should be going ... 

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5:00pm Regarding the Abyss, consider this section from Liber vel Thisharb, sub figura CMXIII in Magick in Theory & Practice :

0. This book is not intended to lead to the supreme attainment. On the
contrary, its results define the separate being of the Exempt Adept 
from the rest of the Universe, and discover his relation to that
Universe. 

1.  It is of such importance to the Exempt Adept that We cannot overrate
it. Let him in no wise adventure the plunge into the Abyss until he have
accomplished this to his most perfectest satisfaction. 

2.  For in the Abyss no effort is anywise possible. The Abyss is passed by
virtue of the mass of the Adept and his Karma. Two forces impel him:
the attraction of Binah, the impulse of his Karma; and the ease and 
even the safety of his passage depend on the strength and direction of
the latter. 

3.  Should one rashly dare the passage, and take the irrevocable Oath of
the Abyss, he might be lost therein through Aeons of incalculable
agony; he might even be thrown back upon Chesed, with the terrible
Karma of failure added to his original imperfection. 

4.  It is even said that in certain circumstances it is possible to fall 
ltogether from the Tree of Life, and to attain the Towers of the Black
Brothers. But We hold that this is not possible for any adept who has
truly attained his grade, or even for any man who has really sought to
help humanity even for a single second, and that although his aspiration
have been impure through vanity or any similar imperfection. 

5. Let then the Adept who finds the result of these meditations
unsatisfactory refuse the Oath of the Abyss, and live so that his Karma 
gains strength and direction suitable to the task at some future period. 

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5:45pm Although the whole book is great, consider a few of these quotes from Book 4 from the Sangreal Foundation, Inc (Dallas, Tx 1972) edition : 

"The Master of the Temple asks, on seeing a slug: 'What is the purpose of this message from the Unseen? How shall I interpret this Word of God Most High?' "  - pgs. 76-77

"A real Magical Oath cannnot be broken : you think it can, but it can't.
This is the advantage of a real Magical Oath." - pg. 81

"All impressions are disconnected, as the Babe of the Abyss is so terribly aware; and the Master of the Temple must sit for 106 seasons in the City of the Pyramid because this coordination is a tremendous task." - pg. 84

"The Master of the Temple, whose grade corresponds to Binah, is sworn to "interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with my soul." But even the beginner may attempt this practice with advantage." - pgs. 85-86

"And so we find once more that the Ego-idea must be ruthlessly root out before Understanding can be attained.
There is an apparent contradiction between this attitude and that of the Master of the Temple. What can possibly be more selfish than this interpretation of everything as the dealing of God with my soul?
  But it is God who is all and not any part : and every 'dealing' must thus be an expansion of the soul, a destruction of its separateness." - pg. 86

"The Master of the Temple has crossed the Abyss, has entered the Palace of the King's Daughter; he has only to utter one word, and all is dissolved. But, instead of that, he is found hidden in the earth, tending a garden." - pg. 88

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6:45pm Ricky writes - "Dear Jerry 93! I was writing a tome on this question I have regarding Grady and the Abyss and decided that it was stupid so I'll just sum it up. Who did Grady get this guidance/ interpretation of the Oath from? It seems his Superior was in no way fitted to give it. Could it have been analogous to the OTO grades of VII and VIII in that they represent sort of a Macro-cosmic mirror of the event? Or was it pure Gnosis? 93 93/93 Ricky ."

Reply: Great question. Grady was taught magick by Crowley who admits that he taught Grady more magickal theory (especially about OTO) than anyone in his entire life. It is no secret that nearing the end of his life he felt the need to teach someone the secrets of 'how to interpret' his works before it died with him. Grady was all ears. Grady was also a close personal friend of Jack Parsons who swore the Oath of the Abyss, and in the old days, even right up until Grady's death, magickal theory was openly discussed and talked about amongst magicians. ... Basically, once you got some insight into 'how' to read Crowley his teachings unfold to you and in the past, everyone benefited by what each other read and experienced. We are trying to do this again on our blog; teaching theory etc. 
This 'openness of teaching magick' in the OTO became frowned upon after Fra. HB took over the Order in 1985 and for well over fifteen years or so we entered a dark period of discussions and writing about magickal theory. Everyone seemed more concerned with politics and who hated HB, why, and who was the real OTO bla bla bla ... 
As for the A.'.A.'. - Grady always said that a Third Degree OTO initiate should become a Probationer ... and yes, VIIth & VIIIth degree OTO is the horizontal to the AA's vertical and this is why, once its secrets became known as to how and why this is so, many of the old Agape Lodge members decided to swear the Oath of the Abyss upon assuming IXth Degree. The most famous being Jack Parsons. .... Many of them, of course, failed. This was because they didn't have the secrets behind VIIth & VIIIth Degree or the foundation stones; only Grady knew those ... and by the time he got back from World War II he had a falling out with some of them and he simply had no interest in sharing the vital info. 

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Consider this quote by Aleister Crowley about 'jumping' into the Abyss, the reasoning and failures, which is found in Liber Aleph - "Of the Black Brothers, o my Son, will I write these Things following. I have told thee already concerning Change, how it is the Law, because every Change is an Act of Love under will. So then He that is Adept Exempt, whether in our Holy Order or another, may not remain in the Pillar of Mercy, because it is not balanced, but is unstable. Therefore is the Choice given unto him, whether he will destroy his Temple, and give up his Life, extending it to Universal Life, or whether he will make a Fortress about that Temple, and abide therein, in the false Sphere of Daath, which is in the Abyss. And to the Adepts of our Holy Order this Choice is terrible; by Cause that they must abandon even Him whose Knowledge and Conversation they have attained. Yet, o my Son, they have much Help of our Order in this Aeon, because the general Formula is Love, so that their habit itself urges them to the Bed of our Lady BABALON. Know then the Black Brothers by this true Sign of their Initiation of iniquity, that they resist Change, restrict and deny Love, fear Death. Percutiantur." - (De Fratribus Nigris Filiis Iniquitatis, pg.104)

Note: The "Knowledge and Conversation" to which Crowley refers is that of his Higher Self in Tiphereth and not
his (objective) Angel. He would explain this in Magick Without Tears.

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Monday August 17th 2009 – 7:06am The Practicus who had the 'Oath of the Abyss' glitch recently sent me a brief email this morning, he writes - "I don't know what I 'want to do' ... but as you pointed out it may take years, if ever, for me to come to 'my senses'... so maybe just let me be for now, to sort things out on my own... for those who will label me just "another example of 'magickal obsession' where a magician inevitably finds the need to move 'on' and is labeled ‘crazy.’"... so be it."

Reply: My advice is a lesson that all my students should carefully hear - I wrote: "Yes, it may take you years to 'come to your senses'  ... had you taken the Oath of the Abyss ... In your case, it all depends upon how fast you can pick yourself up after the horse has bucked you, dust yourself off and ask your instructor how do I get back on?  .... We all make mistakes .... the biggest you’ll make is giving everyone the excuse to label you ‘crazy’ by disappearing; hence running into the Qlipphoth of Hod. My advice is to get off your fucking ego, simply start ‘laughing’ and tell everyone ‘opps’ and move on. Its no biggie! This has been a great learning lesson for you and for others and if you truly want to ‘guide humanity’ as you claim, you’ve offered yourself as an example! ... In the A.’.A.’. there can be no better teacher. 
Anyway, this has been your first serious ‘glitch’ moving vertical. We’ve all had them; read Crowley’s life, Grady’s and even my own. What has happened to you is nothing special and for the record; you’ll also have other future ‘glitches’ ... nobody, I mean NOBODY climbs the Tree of Life and doesn’t sooner or later stumble. We can only truly judge where our students reside until they fall. Prior to this they can fool us as to their accomplishments. Haven’t I always taught you that according to the Qabalah we don’t belong in the Tree and that nature is constantly trying to ‘right the wrong’ and force us back to the ground? What makes you think you’re so special that you, and you alone, are not ever going to have an ‘opps’ ? 
An ‘opps’ is like walking into a room full of cute girls in High School with your zipper down. Yes it’s an embarassing moment. Some will laugh at you and yes you’ll want to run and hide ... but four years later does it really matter or is it just a good story? But if you ran off and hide for those four years how much have you miss out on? .... so don’t be stupid."

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7:30am I wrote to another student regarding coming through the Abyss and how if you start getting things handed to you on a silver platter it might imply that you are finally accomplishing your True Will and the Universe is working with you ... but, on the other hand  - "Ah, the dangers of being in the Abyss; Up in Down, Light is Darkness and just when you think everything is going your way on Malkuth you find a snickering Demon hiding in the shadows. Then, just as you’re about to turn and run, your Demon hands you a diploma into The Black Brotherhood. After all, you’ve accepted his gifts on Malkuth, obviously withholding blood from the Chalice, so what do you expect?" ... Crossing is not as easy as you think. 

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2:08pm Ben sent an email. He writes - "Jerry, 93 In The Unknown God, p. 50 is the following: '...Crowley told Jones that anyone could assert their right to hold the grade of Magister Templi by swearing the Oath of the Abyss...Crowley saw no fault in one's taking the Oath when it was appropriate in one's path, but it was an extremely serious step, guarded about on all sides with snares set to destroy the presumptuous or the unworthy. In an undated note on the grade of Magister Templi (ca. 1943, HPS Papers) titled "Smith + 8=3" Crowley commented: "Now the rule is that if you claim to be 8=3, you are 8=3!  And God help you!  You accept the conditions - see Liber 418.  If there is one drop of your blood that has not gone into the cup of 156, it corrupts the whole man."  It was the only grade of the A.'.A.'. that could be so claimed.  To take this step when one was unprepared for the burdens of the grade was to court the most serious danger to health and sanity.  Hubris in this manner would be definitely be followed by Nemesis.'  
So my question is this, what is the context of the quote from Helen's papers? That quote from Crowley does seem to imply that done is done (success vs. Black Brotherhood) when it comes to the Oath of the Magister Templi. I like the way that Mr. Starr has written the whole of the above, because it seems to confirm what we've been talking about this weekend, but I feel that this could be an important point in the future. Also, when Crowley directs the reader to Liber 418 is there a passage in particular, because I immediately inferred the 13th, 7th and 6th Aethyrs?
Anyway, cup o' joe around 12.30?  We could talk then.
93/93 Ben

Reply : I agree, done is done but the question that we have been discussing is whether or not the Practicus even took the proper Oath of the Abyss in the first place - to get it 'done.' ... Crowley does say “A real Magical Oath cannot be broken : you think it can, but it can't. This is the advantage of a real Magical Oath." ... The key word being ‘real’ ... Yes, everything you utter in a magickal setting does comes true but one of the reasons why magicians must keep Magickal Diaries is that it helps ‘define’ things; hence the Intent and it shows us down the road what was really set in motion if the assumed ‘Intent’ doesn’t come true. 
 I met with Ben for coffee around twelve-thirty and we discussed all this in-depth. It appears Helen's quote that is mentioned above is more generic. Ben did make a good point; that I should tell people that they should be very aware of whom they quote and if the authors are A.'.A.'. ... and most important, are they high enough up on the Tree to 'interpret' the area to which they speak. Time and time again we see people, many no higher than Malkuth, speaking from an 'authoritarian' point-of-view as if they 'know' what magicians are really doing specific areas.  

 Also, to answer Ben's earlier question, consider this: 

"It is very curious; they seem to be looking for one another or for something, all the time, constantly hurrying about. But they knock up against one another and yet will not see one another, or cannot see one another, because they are so shut up in their cloaks. 
And a voice sounds: It is most terrible for the one that hath shut himself up and made himself fast against the universe. For they that sit encamped upon the sea in the city of the Pyramids are indeed shut up. But they have given their blood, even to the last drop, to fill the cup of BABALON.
These that thou seest are indeed the Black Brothers ..." 
        - The Vision & The Voice, 7th Aethyr
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4:15pm In our never ending struggle to Understand the Magister Templi and the Oath of the Abyss this week I suggest that my readers consider this quote from Magick Without Tears in Chapter 50 - 'A.C. and the "Masters"; Why they Chose him.' 

"It is most necessary that you should understand what happens when on goes from Adeptus Exemptus 7° = 4° to Magister Templi 8° = 3°.  As you see from a glance at the Tree of Life, this advance entails the Crossing of the Abyss; and there is no Path.  That means that one must jump.  You must get rid of "all that you have, and all that you are"—that is one way to put it.
The Vision and the Voice, Aethyrs XVI—end, gives an immense amount of detail; it must be studied intensely, with diligence, with Will, and with imagination.  Not only the attainment of the grade, but the events which go with, or come after, it; all these are described as actual Experience.  Even so, it is all extraordinarily difficult until you have been through it yourself."

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5:30pm To address my own question, or why there isn't any 'Circle Squared' degree symbols related to the Abyss; before I get any further stupid emails about parallel universes or Chaos theories, it all has to do with the Angel and Demon. Remember what Aleister Crowley said - “... when the Exempt Adept reaches the Frontier of the Abyss, his Holy Guardian Angel leaves him, and this is the one supreme terror of that passage.”  [The 'Blue' Equinox III:1, Liber LXXI, The Voice of The Silence, Section III:24] so, with that in mind; if the Circle represents the Angel and the Square represents the Demonic 'forces' ... well, do I have to paint you a picture?  All you have left is the 'square' when you 'jump' into the Abyss! Hence, no circle squared.

And I ask myself, "But isn't the square in each symbol of A.'.A.'. grades a reference to the type of lower energy that must be controlled that is rooted in Malkuth?"  Why, yes I add, and if you are left with just the square then perhaps there are secrets here ... no? Consider how Saturn is the Qabalistic sphere ruling the grade of Magister Templi and how it rules the card of the Universe. Isn't this path of The Universe located on the Tree of Life uniting Malkuth with Yesod? A wise magician will think on this in relationship to crossing the Abyss. A really wise magician will wonder why it here we find The Dweller on the Threshold! (Liber 777 Col. CLXXXIII). 

"It encourages me immensely; for if my Dweller on the Threshold be the most formidable devil, how vast must be the Pylon that shelters him, and how glorious must be the Temple beyond!"
John St. John, The Equinox Vol.I No.1 pg.85

Note: 
1. The phrase 'The Dweller on the Threshold' first appeared in Bulwer-Lytton's novel Zanoni 
referring to an invisible malevolent entity that attaches to human beings. 

2. I should point out that the phrases most often attributed to the path of The Universe are
"Cosmic Consciousness" and, more important, "Dominion and Slavery."

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Tuesday August 18th 2009 – 6:10am Consider this piece written by Aleister Crowley in Liber Aleph which explains why an Adept Exempt must 'jump' into the Abyss and what happens if he fails. - "Of the Black Brothers, o my Son, will I write these Things following. I have told thee already concerning Change, how it is the Law, because every Change is an Act of Love under Will. So then he that is Adept Exempt, whether in our Holy Order or another, may not remain in the Pillar of Mercy, because it is not balanced, but is unstable. Therefore is the Choice given unto him, whether he will destroy his Temple, and give up his Life, extending it to Universal Life, or whether he will make a Fortress about that Temple, and abide therein, in the false Sphere of Daath, which is in the Abyss. And to the Adepts of our Holy Order this Choice is terrible; by Cause that they must abandon even Him whose Knowledge and Conversation they have attained. Yet, o my Son, they have much Help of our Order in this Aeon, because the general Formula is Love, so that their habit itself urges them to the Bed of our Lady BABALON. Know then the Black Brothers by these true Sign of their Initiation of iniquity, that that they resist Change, restrict and deny Love, fear Death. Percutiantur." 
- On the Black Brothers, Sons of Iniquity, pg.104

Note: The 'Knowledge and Conversation' to which Crowley refers is actually his Higher Self in Tiphereth and not
that of the actual 'objective' Angel; he would make this distinction in Magick Without Tears.

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11:30am Here are some more lessons for all to learn. I have been chatting back and forth with Frater T’ai Li Heng about the Oath of the Abyss, magickal obsessions and other subjects; part of which reads -"Yes, [this Practicus] still befuddles me too. You wrote – “His psychological complex must run deep” ... and they do; he and his father fight like cats and dogs. It is amusing that the ‘first’ obligation that I imposed upon him outside of his general practices was to begin the Circle Squared Diary so we could establish his ‘glitch’ ... Now, regarding the 40 Buddhist Meditations, the one attributed to Hod is “Analysis into 4 Elements” (777 Col.XXIII) which is why I wanted him to reflect upon the ‘Square’ (Elements, Malkuthian) in that sphere, Yesod and Malkuth and let us know his understanding of how he is ‘controlling’ these while building a Temple (Circle) for his Spirit. He is obviously ‘thinking’ wrong somewhere, but where? ... Instead of fulfilling this requirement, what does he do? Nothing! He refuses to do what I requested and defiantly takes the Oath of the Abyss behind our back instead, as if this will get him away from ‘dad.’ If we are suppose to interpret every phenomenon to be a direct dealing with God and our soul; he’s beginning by blindly denying why he’s jumping out of the frying pan into the Fire (of Hell). [As magicians, we cannot not believe in coincidence, ... otherwise, why keep diaries to help us discover our unconscious behavior?]
Is it Hod you ask?  Yes. It is ‘Intellect’ gone haywire trying to justify ‘his’ Universe above Nuit’s. Also, not a good start when throwing yourself into the Abyss hoping to embrace Nuit. It dooms you from the start. 
Sadly, being ‘obsessed in Hod’, I am reminded of Grady’s talk about how its impossible to stay in any given sphere of the Left or Right Hand Pillars for too long. Nature cannot allow a person to be 'unbalanced' in their Ruach and if you don't keep moving forward, you’ll fall (and I can hear Grady laughing, choking on pot saying “a snail’s pace is OK, just keep moving!”). Crowley, and even most magickal schools in general, will tell you that the most comfortable stopping places are always on The Middle Pillar. However, since our little [Practicus] cannot go forward until he resolves issues, he must get his 'act together' or he'll be thrown out to Malkuth. Then, to paraphrase Phyllis Seckler, “Fruit that falls from the Tree doesn’t re-attach itself.” 

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11:40am It was in October of 1908 that Aleister Crowley performed a Magical Retirement in Paris which he refers to as John St. John (The Equinox Vol.I No.1) Of course the 'Great Obligation' that he mentions is based upon the magickal principles and theory of The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. He had established the A.’.A.’. less than a year earlier and was still coming to terms with ‘New Aeonic’ ideas, while often using the old, or that which he knew and felt comfortable. Still, as an over-view of one's affirmations leading up to the 'Oath of the Abyss', it is gem to consider.

To quote a part from John St. John : "Quite slowly and simply therefore did I wash myself and robe myself as laid down in the Goetia, taking the Violet Robe of an Exempt Adept (being a single Garment), wearing the Ring of an Exempt Adept, and that Secret Ring which had been entrusted to my keeping by the Masters.  Also I took the Almond Wand of Abramelin and the Secret Tibetan Bell, made from Electrum Magicum with its striker of human bone.  I took also the magical knife, and the holy Anointing Oil of Abramelin the Mage."
 I began then quite casually by performing the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram, finding to my great joy and some surprise that the Pentagrams instantly formulated themselves, visible to the material eye as it were bars of shining blackness deeper than the night.
 I then consecrated myself to the Operation; cutting the Tonsure upon my head, a circle, as it were to admit the light of infinity: and cutting the cross of blood upon my breast, thus symbolising the equilibration of and the slaying of the body, while loosing the blood, the first projection in matter of theuniversal Fluid.
 The whole formulating the Ankh--the Key of Life!
 I gave moreover the signs of the grades from 0= 0 to 7 = 4.

 Then did I take upon myself the Great Obligation as follows:

I.   I (name) a member of the Body of God, hereby bind myself on behalf
of the whole Universe, even as we are now physically bound unto the
cross of suffering: 

II.   that I will lead a pure life, as a devoted servant of the Order: 

III.  that I will understand all things: 

IV.  that I will love all things: 

V.   that I will perform all things and endure all things: 

VI. that I will continue in the Knowledge and Conversation of My Holy
Guardian Angel. 

VII. that I will work without attachment: 

VIII. that I will work in truth: 

IX.   that I will rely only upon myself: 

X.   that I will interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God
with my soul. 

And if I fail herein, may my pyramid be profaned, and the Eye be closed upon me!"

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2:10pm pm Regarding what we've been talking about today or of a magickal blow-out in Hod; let me address a few incoming emails from a different point-of view so that you all might understand what I mean. I am not sure I'm making myself clear. ... The term 'blow-out' is a reference to any uncontrolled issue that are occurring in a specific chakra which one is presently working with; issues either in your mind, your health, or in your life (i.e. Malkuth); or all of the above. As a scientist, magicians use 'themselves' as the great experiment and occasionally we blow up a test tube or two by accident. No biggie. Just clean up the mess, learn by it and move on! 

MIND : The sphere of Hod on the Tree of life is what in the east they call their Svadhisthana chakra. In his Introduction to The Tibetan book of the Dead (1960) Carl Jung (1875-1961), the founder of modern analytical psychology, writes, “One often hears and reads about the dangers of Yoga, particularly of the ill-reputed Kundalini Yoga. The deliberately induced psychotic state, which in certain unstable individuals might easily lead to a real psychosis, is a danger that needs to be taken very seriously indeed. These things really are dangerous and ought not to be meddled with in our typically Western way. It is a meddling with Fate, which strikes at the very roots of human existence and can let loose a flood of sufferings of which no sane person ever dreamed." ... In other words, if the Kundalini is incorrectly applied in any given Chakra, physical or mental disabilities can easily afflict an individual and often from a ‘psychologically point-of-view’ they appear to be plagued by manic and psychotic episodes as their internal pendulum swings from one extreme to another. It is not uncommon to find such individuals suffering from 'obsessive' periods of great elation or bliss to extreme anxiety and fear, often hallucinatory bordering on schizophrenia. This is not solely my belief on damaged chakras but Carl Jung's too. ... In most cases blow-outs in all of the Chakras affect the mind in a similar manner. To understand what actually occurs the best example is the similarities of your psychic system to twenty-two-gauge wire. How much current could you draw before the wires burned out? Could it draw 100 amps? Of course not; a burnout would be inevitable because most psychic systems are ill prepared for any influx or surge of ‘life current’ due to incorrectly using a Chakra. This is why magician study and try to do things correctly. There is a time tested system that seemingly works as if to slowly 'upgrade' your system (i.e. wires) as you climb the Tree. 

HEALTH : The Svadhisthana Chakra (8-Hod) is your conscious ego's way to meddle with the sexual Muladhara (9-Yesod) which is the libido and it does so either in a positive or negative way. It is said that the Svadhisthana rousts the Serpent (i.e. Kundalini) ... It is in the sphere of Hod that we intellectualize our sexual proclivities and work the often blind sexual libido to manifest our desire in our body; as we've come to understand them from childhood lessons about 'sex'. ... Blow out here or damage your Svadhisthana ... and kiss a healthy sex life good-bye. To quote one source - "Often, if there are issues in the Svadhisthana, impotence can become the physical disease in our bodies due to 'thought' being incorrectly used to move the libido over a period of time."  With women the sexual drive also dies ...

REALITY : From a mundane point-of-view a classic blowout in one's life would be rooted in faulty sexual urges (originating from 'thoughts' in Hod) that convince you that it's ok to be disrespectful of the Laws of your mates Universe while simply trying to get laid. Some men in OTO circles were 100% guilty of this because the Order taught that women were just 'vehicles' for men; so to the untrained it implied that they could be dishonest and lie, possibly even cheat or giving the impression of impropriety as long as they inevitably get into some girl's pants. Such mundane sexual shenanigans, all under the pretences of 'questing for spirituality' and 'learning sex magick', inevitably causes friction and fights in one's life because ensue ... screw up your Svadhisthana and usually "that which is concealed often becomes known." There are some classic stories about a few OTO bodies melting down due to their sexual antics - "Hey little girl, wanna be a priestess?" 

"I am the secret Serpent coiled about to spring: 
in my coiling there is joy. If I lift up my head, I and my Nuit are one. 
If I droop down mine head, and shoot forth venom, then is rapture of the earth, and I and the earth are one." - Liber AL vel Legis II:26

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2:00pm I received this email from Jerri; subject title "Abysmal thoughts..." , she writes, "93 Jerry,
Well here are a few of my mental ramblings regarding this Abys(mal) topic...I've no clue whatsoever, just throwing a couple of my thoughts out there...
 In my consideration of the process of crossing the Abyss, I've been pondering the circle/square concept quite a bit. No, there would be no circle/square...only the square. The square is analogous to our bodies, the base of the pyramid, and the elements right here on Earth, which we and the physical universe are all comprised of--it is the Demons who are the creators of the physical and we simply do not get rid of our Demon and LIVE-it is always with us!! 
Ok, so, why no circle?! This has been what is troubling me...but it makes intellectual sense to me in this regard- the 'Angel' and the 'Demon' are 'one' and the 'same' above the Abyss...I suppose it is the only way to describe that from down here below. From Below the Abyss, I can only think in these terms to describe it...I intellectually grasp that there still may be "separation" but instead of contradiction and duality, it is unity and oneness...the Abyss is the gateway (just as Yesod is the gateway of formation to the making...or material)
 Perhaps this is one way the path of the Universe and Saturn relates- Yesod to Malkuth is the descent of the astral imagination or formation into the world of making...Binah to the invisible Daath to Chesed might represent the spirit's descent, thus constriction and/or division into the Ruach, the creative world. Yesod would appear to be the lower octave of Daath. "imagination" (Yesod) vs "knowledge" (Daath)
 Also, the implication here, if I am to follow this intellectual thread of mine, there must be another "Dweller" in Yesod. Perhaps of a more personal or egoic type nature...in Daath the Dweller might be more Universal??? I've read a bit regarding this Dweller (on the Threshold of the Abyss), and one of the ideas seems to be that he is the astral representative of all of our evils, horrors, fears, and terrors (karmic debts, even???) from our previous incarnation that we must eventually face as they have been unconsciously shaping us since the beginning of our present incarnation...hmm...it seems that there must be far more to it than this though...I don't know...again, I've no clue...just a few of my thought processes....
 Hope you are having a fabulous day...be careful...I am worried about you...no walking in front of moving vehicles or leaving your door unlocked!!! If you start eating veggies, I am REALLY going to freak out!!!!
 93 93/93 Jerri 

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Wednesday August 19th 2009 – 4:15pm Mr Anonymous wants to know if I thought this “initiate who must have sworn the Oath of the Abyss and pissed you [i.e. me] off is really doomed?”  

Reply: Good question. We really don’t know the outcome of anyone’s ultimate quest but as teachers we are trained at not only guiding but knowing the pitfalls and advantages of each magickal degree. In other words, this Practicus’ behavior is text book failure; its like watching someone run in slow motion toward a cliff and you can see the outcome long before you hear him scream. We’ve been yelling at him to stop all week but inevitably, due to Free Will, the outcome is his to pick. The bottom line is that an Initiate should never be so presumptuous to think that he, and he alone, knows better than his teacher and then, at a critical moment, disregard their advice and keep running toward the cliff. Why bother joining a magickal fraternity if this be the case? A person joins the A.’.A.’. because they want the teachings, they want someone who has traversed in the areas of the Tree that they now seek and most important, they want someone to be watching their back so they don’t get in trouble.  Why ignore all this when you need it the most?  

The greater tragedy, above all else, is that this Practicus has walked himself into a corner thanks to the immensity of his ego. He can never admit to having erred, or even to apologize for his transgressions against his students, other local A.’.A.’. initiate or even to his Superior; all of whom he fucked over 'prior' to himtaking the Oath of the Abyss as a defense mechanism in order to avoid facing the music for the mess that he had recently created between three Clerk Houses. Yes folks, this was the Practicus’ way of saying “I took the Oath, I’m beyond your criticism and I don’t have to listen to you anymore. Everything is between God and me and I don’t have to prove anything to you.” ... Great reason for taking the Oath, no?  Anyway, to apologize now would mean that he swore the Oath of the Abyss on the bodies of fellow travelers and what kind of a foundation stone is this for the Pyramid that he's trying to build in Binah; the City of the Pyramids? Instead, it is simpler to throw 99% of all his friends and fellow travelers in Grady's A.'.A.'. aside like used clothes so that he can create phantoms of denial and believe whatever he wants.

Remember, the breakdown of the three grades in our Order is the man of Earth, the Lover and the Hermit. In One Star in Sight it refers to these as The Golden Dawn, the R.C. (Rose Croix) and the S.S. or Silver Star; this being the English for Argentium Astrum, or A.’.A.’..  Now in Liber LXI vel Causae it clearly states – “Listen, we pray you, with attention: for once only does the Great Order knock at any one door.”  This not only refers to Order as a whole but as Grady McMurtry often pointed out, it especially refers to the Inner Order of the A.’.A.’. to which many aspire in their Noble Quest. You have but one chance at crossing the Abyss and proving yourself worthy to reside in the City of the Pyramids and if you blow it, you can never attempt it again. Sadly, this Practicus' solution, rather than facing the obvious phantoms, is to hide himself away in his room; to lose all his many friends and associates, all the while babbling endlessly as he tries to convince himself in a Pit of Because that he hasn't screwed up the one goal that he so coveted his whole life.  

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Saturday August 22nd 2009 –  8:42am Early this morning I received a scathing email from the Practicus; not happy about our PREAMABLE, calling it “riddled with blatant lies” and “that I am “drawing many of [my] conclusions based upon the LIES of those who attacked me.” Well, for the record, the only attacks the other A.’.A.’. students made was come clean and tell the Superiors in the A.’.A.’. what the Practicus was saying and doing behind their backs. They ‘betrayed his trust’ and for that he now hates them. But of his trust between him and I, he has yet to address, I guess I wasn't important. ... One thing that everyone must know - his version of the story which he now fosters might well be true as to how the meltdown occurred on Malkuth regarding him and his other friends in the A.'.A.'. but the fact remains, as a magician and scientists, we gave him ample opportunity to submit proof that our analogy of the situation was incorrect but he refused. The others, whom he claims betrayed him, submitted their proof to support their side of the story. So what am I to believe? One side submits evidence, the other says accept my word or, and I quote, I “can't have a teacher who doesn't trust and believe in me”   You be the judge.

He even stated - “I didn't convince, hint or tell her to lie about anything and this is the ultimate lie which shows (that this woman whom he slept with) true colors.”  ... This is one of those tit for tats; she said, he said and in truth, we may never to get to real facts nor is it really that important. It is simply a way to side-step the real issue. So, for sake of an argument, let us say that this Practicus never did ask the student in another Clerk House to lie for him and keep their affair secret ... but this is a fact, he, himself, hid the affair from his own Superior knowing how his Superior felt about teachers sleeping with students and the conflicts it causes. And it wasn't just a one night thing that he kept secret but the affair lasted according to his own time frame from January 1st up until early August when he was still text messaging to this girl how much he loved her etc & etc [copies of which she kept of all his text messages; juicy] ... He also is now denying that he ever said that he admitted to his dishonesty about hiding this affair to his Superior, writing - “... you wrote that when confronted with my dis-honesty I didn't deny it...not true...I DID deny it” ... which is actually not true and even in the same paragraph he admits again to having the affair. I am confused. Either you did sleep with your student for over six months and hide it from me, or you didn't? You sure as Hell, knowing my position on student-teacher relationships, tell me. That is the dishonesty to which I refer.

He did write another thing worth noting. He wrote - “Finally you wrote in regards to the Oath, that on August 19th I finally came to this realizations myself and informed you of such in writing is totally not true and your putting Words in my mouth. I only agreed that I don't pretend to know everything that taking the Oath might imply... you filled in the blanks from there... I never meant that or said that in any way, your simply reading between the lines.”  

Perhaps I did mistake what he had written because, in hindsight, he wasn’t clear. In that light it seems that this Practicus still believes he’s in the Abyss and he claims the phrase ‘moved on’ was not meant to imply leaving the A.'.A.'. itself as much as from Grady McMurtry’s lineage and that he is now his ‘own’ lineage. I can only say laughingly, good luck. Who am I to judge. It’s in the hands of the Gods now. But in truth, I stand by my judgment of the facts as I've been taught to interpret them or that he's in total denial; he’s not in the Abyss, he is in the Qliphoth of Hod wallowing in his self-imposed Chaos. He's a text-book case. Still, for the sake of an argument, if he believes he is in the Abyss let's address it from his point of view.   

After mistakenly thinking that the Practicus had 'quit' the entire A.'.A.'. and not realizing that he simply meant just Grady's lineage, I wrote - "... I’m not accepting your resignation until we meet and talk, or unless you send it in writing (not email), signed, as required. Right now I don’t think you are thinking clearly." ... I was hoping for a cooler head to prevail but he replied - “As far as quiting the A.'.A.'... your right you will never get me to say that in any way so don't expect any signed letters...nor do I see myself as resigning from my Lineage as I will never deny my roots...no your stuck with me even if you throw me out... Just as Phyliss was to Grady even though she threw him out and never recognized any of his Grades but I won't have any affiliating or direct connection with any other Clerk House just as he didn't with her, I'll just be over here on my own doing my own thing that's all.” 

Can anyone say 'EGO'? ... this is what happens when you jump from Hod and have yet to fulfill the three major Qabalistic spheres where a magician is trained to put their ego under control.  

Anyway, so he compares himself to Grady. This is like apples and oranges. The difference that he fails to mention is that Grady jumped ‘over’ Phyllis' degrees; he became a Magister Templi while she an Adeptus Minor and her denial, as this Practicus clearly knows, was rooted in their failed marriage and her taking it out on him every way she could. The comparison is silly. And so for the record, jumping into the Abyss only supersedes your teachers authority if they are of a lower degree than what you are aspiring to through the Abyss. I am not. Years ago I swore the Oath of a Magus. 

Furthermore, as long as he has not yet crossed the Abyss [which could take up to four years] he has a few important things to consider. First, and foremost, you cannot create anything other than a Black Brotherhood while in the Abyss. So what does this say of himself that if within a week of him taking the Oath of the Abyss he's claiming in 'writing' that he is now no longer part of Grady McMurtry's lineage and has now created his 'own' lineage?  He created his own lineage?????  While in the Abyss he 'creates' ... how utterly hysterically funny is this? I almost pee' d my pants. I spit coffee through my nose! ... But at least this Practicus is finally coming clean and revealing his true intentions to be GOD above not only all of us but of Babalon too ... he knows nothing about either the ways of the Abyss or the City of the Pyramid and he's being stupid at every turn of his defense. If he wants to believe that his 'words' are so powerful that they cast him into the Abyss then let him know this fact, his proclamation of a new Oath on the 19th, WHILE IN THE ABYSS, acknowledging that he is no longer in Grady's A.'.A.'. but he has now created his 'own' lineage is a magickal affirmation that can only bring to birth one thing out of the Abyss - a Black Brother. NOTHING ELSE. It's Magick 101 ... you NEVER swear such an Oath while in the Abyss.  Silly boy.  And you call yourself a magician.

So, much to our regret, this silly little Practicus is still in Grady McMurtry's lineage. Unless we are to consider four possibilities:

(1. That he's simply lost in the Qlipphoth of Hod and there is still hope. 

(2. That he proclaims himself a Black Brother and create his own lineage while in the Abyss and 'moves on'.   [hmm, didn't he do this?]

(3. He resigns in writing from the A.’.A.’. and then he can do whatever the fuck he wants.

(4. Or finally, we get fed up with him and his egotistical shenanigans, and still being his Superiors, we expel him from Grady McMurtry's lineage and help him fulfill his Black Brotherhood.

I warned him that he should carefully consider his every word from here on out, Babalon is watching to judge him as to whether or not he's worthy to enter the City of the Pyramids and I have been about as patient with him as I can at trying to guide him ... but his ego is wearing thin on me.

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11:25am In regards to a statement I made in my 8:42am posting, Mike asks a single, brief question - "93 Jer. Why is what you create in the Abyss autometically evil? 93 93/93 Mike"  

Reply: Good question. It's not. It all depends on 'what' you project downward. Life dictates that despite being cast into the Abyss, which can be up to a minimum of four years, a magician must still exist in his daily world. It is during that period that he will be tested and tempted. But how? It must be remembered, an Angel can not follow the magician into the Abyss or it would be bathed in Chaos. So, as long as he remains in the Abyss the magician loses his Angel's guidance. The flip side is that the magician must not listen to his personal Choronzon who can still whisper to him; he must survive his temptations and inevitably put him under control every waking moment of his life for at least four years ... all by using just his whit. And here it is, less than two weeks in and this Practicus is not doing too well; if he has really thrown himself into the Abyss at all. 

Be that as it may, what I'm saying is that a magician must be utterly careful as to what they 'birth' downward while in the Abyss; especially though 'Words' because these are "utterances of the Soul." Hence part of the danger revealed in the Oath of the Abyss - "... that I will interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with my soul." Yes, God will deal with your Soul. Pay attention, or lose it! ... To cross the Abyss is one of the most spiritual journeys a magician can ever make - SPIRITUAL - you must prove that you are worthy of an Angel incarnated! You must be pure at heart and 100% focused on giving every drop of your blood to Babalon. There is no law beyond do what thou wilt but don't interpret that wrong; each drop of blood spilt toward Malkuth, either seen through words or actions, breeds phantoms of 'Wants' and the Angel that you are trying to become is but a 'Fallen' one.  [Hmmmm ... thinking upon the original fall of the Angels according to the book of Genesis  6:4 - "when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men", lusted after them and sleep with them despite God saying don't do it ... sounds familiar, no? ] 

The bottom line: below Tiphereth after performing Liber Pyramidos, you begin building The Pyramid brick by brick; "Square by Square" ... and from Tiphereth downward to Malkuth the number reflected in a magician's magickal degrees always have the number next to the Circle lower than the number next to the Square.  Remember, in regards to the Circle Squared - One you control, while the other controls you. - Below Tiphereth you are building an ascending Pyramid whose base you must build very carefully in order for your Spirit (i.e. Angel, HGA) to indwell therein. This Pyramid is referred to as an ascending Triangle of Blue, whose apex points upward as if to project or allow your prayers to ascend to Heaven. You must learn to build your 'squares' correctly. The correct method is to always remember that anyone can build a nice building, a pyramid, or a pretty looking Temple and fool others on Malkuth, but only devotion and daily prayer toward your HGA will make it truly a dwelling place of their Holy Ghost.  Otherwise the Pyramid is just a hollow shell.

Then, if you accomplish Tiphereth upward into Chesed, you are in affect creating a Red Pyramid whose apex is pointing downward; often referred to as the descending Triangle or tongue of Grace. This being the giving of kindness and of spiritual fortitude by the Adept back into world; i.e. Malkuth. ... Malkuth also being his own body which implies that his every action, deed and word becomes very important as a spiritual representation of what is descending through him.

Together, both of these Triangles create a Holy Hexagram of the Great Work.

Once in the Abyss you are in effect standing on the base of the Red Pyramid. Grady's favorite chapter in The Book of Lies was Chapter 69 because it revealed, according to Crowley, the 'secret' to crossing the Abyss for the 'babe' of which the entire book is written for. ... Also, regarding the descending Pyramid, this is why the number above Tiphereth reverse in the Magickal Degrees, it is because they're preparing you to be a vehicle to channel Babalon from above the Abyss. But while in the Abyss your every word and actions in your daily travels must be carefully thought out from a spiritual point-of-view as not to be a reflection one Iota of a 'Want' which is of Malkuth. After you are across you'll understand the full implication of do what thou wilt and how everything in this world is your plaything but until then, as a Babe in the Abyss, you are either of Malkuth or Above ..... and "By their words you will judge them." 

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Sunday August 23rd 2009 – 1:55am Mary sent a nice email, in part she asks if there is no hope for this Practicus, "he being a student and lost Soul" and all. ... Reply: There is always hope. Crowley explains how but this Practicus is so wrapped up in his ego and digging his feet in at this point that to be 'humble' and ask for help would be like an admittance in his own mind that possibly he might be wrong and this is beyond his capability ... and his demon snickers. But at least his loss, as tragic as it may seem, can be a warning to others of the dangers of magick and why, when climbing the Tree of Life, you must never forget that its a spiritual path. ... As to your question - " ... who is he, has he posted on your blog before?" ...  Reply: Sorry Mary, his identity is a secret, no concern to anyone. 

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Tuesday August 25th 2009 – 11:15am Anonymous from Massachusetts asks - "Hey Jer 93. Thanks for the update on your health; get better. ... You haven't been posting much of late about the Practicus and the Oath of the Abyss debacle. Is it over? Care to tell your readers how it ended; been loving the soap opera drama from day one. 93s" ....  Reply: Yes, it has been very quiet of late. In truth, thanks to the Practicus' own attitude and Magickal Affirmation he has made it impossible for himself to cross the Abyss. He is now either a Black Brother or, if he wasn't really in the Abyss, he is simply silly and lost in the Qliphoth of Hod. I think he's trying to figure it out.  

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12:25pm An incoming email asked not to be posted but I think my reply is pertinent regarding the oath of the Abyss. I replied - "I have deliberately not posted the majority of this Practicus' foul mouthed attacks on me, our Lineage and students which are bathed in egotistical rants that this Practicus is the King of 'his' Hill now ... from of all places, while he claims to be in the Abyss! His emails would clearly show all my readers that this man is hardly a spiritual individual whose guidance anyone with half a brain would ever want to follow. Anyone who is thinking of throwing themselves into the Abyss must be on their guard 'instantly' against demonic thoughts, actions and deeds. This Practicus can't have it both ways. He can't argue that he's not in Chaos in the Qliphoth of Hod but in the Abyss on a spiritual mission, when on the other hand he is text-book case of embracing the Black Brotherhood right from the onset. I do not envy this man right now, his mind must be spinning in the Pits of Because trying to 'reason' a way out of this dilemma. ... and his Demon snickers. 
I agree. You made a good point. He has walked himself into a great big Catch 22. If he is in the Qlipphoth of Hod then he still has Angelic guidance and, even though he's ignoring us, his Angel should be able to walk him out of a bad situation. 
However, I think you forgot to consider the 'full' flip side. He's digging his feet in still claiming to be the Abyss. In his mind he MUST now acknowledge that his Angel has stepped aside and the only Inner Voice, or whispers are those from his Demon ... of which he MUST ignore, control and conquer if he's going to be successful at crossing the Abyss. 
But, for sake of an argument, let us say that he's wrong and he is not in the Abyss but the Qlipphoth of Hod ... Do you think he'll 'listen' to his Angel's advice trying to walk him out?  No.  He MUST deny his Angel as whispers from his Demon! ... What to do? What to do? ... Listen to your Inner Voice, or ignore it?  ... Sadly, Magick 101, if he is in the Qlipphoth of Hod and he keeps denying his Angel ... he'll fall from Tree and be thrown back to ground zero in Malkuth. Yes, you're right, it is a great big Catch 22." 

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Wednesday August 26th 2009 –  8:25am By now many of my readers have read the Preamble on The Epistle on the Oath of Abyss which details the history of how a Practicus supposedly took the Oath, melted down and now hates all of us for reasons he has yet to adequately define ... this Epistle being a study of High Magick, its pit falls and what not to do. ... I want to address a few other email thoughts that have come in last weekend. First, I truly feel that Practicus 'in his mind' believes he's not a bad person but his is a very text-book 'male' manipulative behavior; whether he is doing it consciously or unconsciously. I know him personally, over many years I've watched how he talks about women, I've seen his excuses first hand, his questing for loop-holes and his rationalization of 'semantics' to justify his behavior. We've all known someone like this, some guy who controls his wife or girlfriend not by directly telling them to do anything but implying such in a way that she complies to his wishes. This game of 'semantics' enables the guy, if things go bad, to argue that he's innocent; he didn't do anything that the woman is claiming and its all a figment in her mind, her fault - because he never 'actually' said bla bla bla. The key word being 'actually' ... If you like to watch Court TV shows the excuse by 'semantics' is one of the major defenses by guys who use women but the Judges never seems to buy their story; I wonder why? 

And the lesson in all this for my students or anyone who is trying to pursue a spiritual path like climbing the Tree of Life, inevitably 'semantics' will catch up to you and the Tree always 'rights the wrong' and it'll cast out any pretender to spirituality. Show me one magick book which says otherwise? You came into this world naked and with nothing and that is how you'll go out ... the only thing that you take out is your WORD.  

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9:00am Mary asks why we are "having trouble with the Practicus who is seemingly just doing his Will" ... For starters, sleeping with other women, or using them is not, nor has it ever been the issue. As Thelemites we believe strongly in the slaves shall serve, hence do what thou wilt. But in our A.'.A.'. lineage it's hands off females students coming in; we are not a horizontal fraternity which often looks at all new girls as fresh meat. He knew that. It complicates things and all these blog entries about this kind of meltdown in a vertical school only proves the point. ... Be that as it may, what really pisses me off is that for over six months he came down here to Berkeley to be my friend, to have lunch, to talk with me about magick, to get paperwork, documents and other stuff, all the while hiding the fact that he was sleeping with a student and even worse, teaching her that the correct 'spiritual' behavior is to hide things from your Superior and as long as you don't directly lie to him, you can play 'semantics' ... but "Dishonesty is like lying with your mouth shut."  
Like his ex-girlfriend, I feel so used.  And his attitude about being called on his dishonesty, of his nearly killing me [see Aug.16th 7:30am posting], of my sleepless nights or even the 'stress related' health issues he's caused to my heart of late - is never to once apologize for anything but instead to maliciously blame me in emails for not trusting him. 

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Thursday August 27th 2009 – 9:20am I'd like to address a consistent theme that is emerging in emails of late regarding the Qliphoth and my views on what it is. I personally think Dion Fortune's book The Mystical Qabalah has some of the best descriptions of these evil or averse Sephiroth which some claim are "awful forms, dangerous even to think upon." And I agree with Fortune that 'ignoring' these Sephiroth can ultimately lead to disaster as we have seen of late with the discussion about the recent magickal attempts of a Practicus. You cannot ignore one side of the Scales and expect it to be continual Balanced. Fortune points out that the Abramelin system is one of the "most potent and complete" systems in Western magick. Adding - "According to his system, the operator, after a prolonged period of purification and preparation, evokes not only the angelic forms, but also the demonic ones." One of the best things she writes is:

"A good many people have burnt their fingers with the system of
Abramelin, and the reason is not far to seek; for if we examine their 
records we find that they have never followed the system in its entirety,
but picked out a ceremony here and an invocation there for performance
as the mood took them. Consequently Abramelin's system has got a bad
name as being a singularly dangerous formula; whereas performed in its
entirety, it is a singularly safe one, because it deals with all the reactions
of the invoked forces under what might be termed laboratory conditions
and neutralizes them."

It is no secret that our daimon is a neutral entity; both angelic and demonic. Whoever attempts to evoke the daimon (HGA) must realize that if there is a positive aspect, then there must be a negative one as well. If the daimon, being no more that our Kundalini as Carl Jung has demonstrated [The Psychology of Kundalini Yoga, Notes of the Seminar Given in 1932 by C. G. Jung, Edited by Sonu Shamdasani; Princeton University Press, Bollingen Series XCIX 1996], moves into a given Sephiroth it implies that we are activating a Chakra. How the Chakric energy is utilized depends upon the Daimon. If it swings too hard toward a demonic side it shifts us into the averse Sephiroth or backside. Climbing the Tree of Life requires us to embrace not only the spiritual quest but controlling our demon as well; hence the lessons behind the 'Circle Squared' or "One you control, while the other controls you." ... You must maintain an equilibrium. ... Dion Fortune warns us - "There is a point in every magical operation when the negative aspect of the force comes up to be dealt with, and unless dealt with will lure the experimenter into the pit which he has digged. It is a sound magical maxim not to invoke and force unless you are equipped to deal with its averse aspect."

This has been the major folly of the Practicus. Within days of trying to cross over from Hod into Netzach his internal Tree blew out his Netzach in his daily life. Love, friends and relationships fell apart but it's not HIS fault and it has nothing to do with him being given the go ahead to assume Philosophus which threw him into an unbalanced state ... it's everyone else's fault around him who caused HIS problems. ... But in truth, we can't even say that he was in Netzach, Netzach simply threw him out immediately and back in Hod where he dug his feet in and flipped to the backside or averse Sephiroth due to the damage he suffered in the Manipura Chakra. As a solution to us trying to help him back into the Light from the averse side of Hod he took the Oath of the Abyss as a means of denial of his failures in the lower Ruach. Yes, the averse side [Square] of each Sephiroth can be a deadly trap. ... And to address Frank's question about the Practicus - "If he fell into the Qliphoth of Hod after failing to fulfill his magickal oaths and obligations correctly then wouldn't his decision to take the Oath of the Abyss means that he actually jumped from the Qliphoth side and is carrying really, really outrageous Karma?" 

Reply:  Yes.  

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Thursday September 3rd 2008 – 6:00am Today the Practicus, who is still miserably lost in the Qliphoth of Hod, celebrates his 40th Birthday. It is no secret that he is a magickal failure. He claims that he wrote in his diary years ago how he had a prophetic vision how he [quote] "would take this Oath in this incarnation and I actually wrote that I believed this would occur before my 40th birthday" ... and so, nearing his 40th birthday, he claims that this was the real reason that he took the Oath of the Abyss last month and that it had nothing to do with him trying to escape his inability to prove the simplest of his magickal claims to his Superior. It was all just a coincidence. But what he fails to point out, prophetic or not, is that he fell into the Qliphoth after trying to assume Philosophus where he resided for well over a week in babbling idiocy from a pit of Because while we tried to reposition him on the Tree into the Light. But instead of listening to his teacher he dug his feet in and never properly exited the Qliphoth. Then, while in the Qliphoth, he swore the Oath of the Abyss. 
Knowing this, why would an Angel advise him to take the Oath of the Abyss if he wasn't ready? ... Yes, his 'dream' might have told him he'd swear the Oath by his 40th but in truth it sounds more like it was his Demon [from within the Qliphoth] who was doing all the snickering while whispering - "Ya, Ya, take the Oath before you're forty. It'll be great!" 
Still, in all fairness, if it was his Angel she was probably trying to warn him years ago about his 40th Birthday and not to be stupid  ... but he didn’t listen, he failed.  
Happy Birthday.  

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10:35am Yes, Mary, in regards to my 6:00am posting, I am "sort of harsh" and no, "I will not let up." I will be posting my Birthday Wishes to the Practicus every year as a reminder, not so much to him, but for all those who will become acquainted with him so that they can be forewarned about listening to any guidance or magickal theory from this person. The only Foundation that he can teach to a student in regards to Magick is intellectual at best and stupidity over-all. 

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10:45am An A.'.A.'. initiate just sent me an email subject 'man-o-pause?' ... regarding the Practicus. It reads:

Ok...I know, I know...I'm being a total and complete asshole here (but this is just for your personal amusement...I really don't know what else to do any more but poke a little fun...I know it's not funny...but, if we don't laugh a little we might just cry...), but I really do have to wonder...is it man-o-pause (better known as the mid-life crisis)? Here is some vital information that I've found on-line regarding this life threatening issue:

During his late 30's and 40's, if a man has been hard-working, the fruits of his labors-a home and
family, material possessions-will probably surround him. Then, before anything dramatic happens,
small nagging doubts may appear, perhaps followed by a series of dramatic, apparently irrational
events leading up to great change. During it all, men ask themselves questions such as: Is this all
there is? Am I a failure? Symptoms and behaviors during mid-life crisis can range from mild to
severe, including:

* boredom and exhaustion, or frantic energy 
* daydreaming 
* irritability, unexpected anger 
* acting on alcohol, drug, food, or other compulsions 
* greatly decreased or increased sexual desire 
* sexual affairs, especially with someone much younger 
* greatly decreased or increased ambition

Hmm...sound familiar?? Maybe he's not in the Qlippoth of Hod at all--he's just going through the change o' life and instead of buying that candy apple red Corvette he tried to take the Oath of the Abyss? Perhaps he would have had more success with the car...
 I hope you don't find me flippant here. Really, my only intention was to make you smile a little...what the Hell else can we do?? I waver between feeling sad and shocked, confused and amused. Today I felt a bit of levity might be in order, so I hope you will laugh and can understand where I am coming from. I too have a sick sense of humor! 

Reply: Yes, it made me smile alot :) and yes, you have a sick sense of humor!

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12:25pm Frater Shiva the author of the book titled INSIDE SOLAR LODGE, OUTSIDE THE LAW, True Tales of Initiation and High Adventure (Teitan Press 2007) sent an email wherein he writes - "I continue to be amused by the adventures of your Practicus, simply because it is a movie I have seen many times. Obviously, you are posting and discussing it for the benefit of your students. I have a couple of observations: (1) The tale is similar to Frater Achad's, wherein he leaps up instantaneously to Magister status (with Crowley cheering from the sidelines) and then goes on to become the Magus and then (finally) Ipsissimus (wherein he holds himself up higher than Crowley and begins issuing orders to him). The moral is: People are going to keep on doing this very same thing, over and over. (2) Sometime in the 1940's, Crowley wrote to someone (who? I can't remember) and essentially said, "In respect to 'starting a new group,' if you'd seen as much mischief and trouble as I have, you wouldn't even think about doing such a stupid thing." [loose quote]. (3) A.'.A.'. is supposed to be a (vertical) chain system with "no member knowing anyone else as such" except the guy or gal who linked you into the chain and any new folks that are subsequently added (one at a time). Yeah! Sure! Well, there's a clause in "One Star in Site" that allows outer order group working (because of "congestion" and "need"). Yes - but every time an A.'.A.'. group forms it will certainly be interesting - sort of like a three-ring-circus. Please see my website: http://three-ring-circus.angelfire.com [note that the website is only a Summary; the whole project is 56 MB or so and too big for current posting on a site limited to 20 MB.
So anyway, here's Fr.'. Achad Osher [sic?] overseeing an outer order wherein the members know each other, and apparently sometimes "know" each other in a biblical sense. There's always a wild card in every deck, and when the current incumbent Joker has faded into memory, along will come someone new, and everyone will say "Oh mein Gott! He's just like so-and-so [the incumbent Practicus Joker]! How do I know these things? Why I've seen the movie many times. In fact, I might have written the script. My own speedy travel up the path (which ended in a big crash) was replaced by starting over at the beginning and taking every step slowly and precisely without any jumping. In the book, "Inside Solar Lodge - Outside the Law [True Tales of Initiation and High Adventure]," our Joker was described as the enchantingly insane Frater Luna[tic]. In my own Star System lineage, our Joker was the interestingly warped Frater Osiris. In Crowley's game, see Frater Achad and (of course) Victor Neuberg. In other comtemporary lineages, see the guy who is in charge, who got there by "bypassing" one or more spheres and jumped directly onto Binah from some sphere inferior to Chesed. Yes it's theoretically possible, but the only sure way is to climb the Tree, limb by limb, and leave nothing out. 93"

Reply: I agree, in Grady's lineage only two of us, both having known Grady, climbed the Tree sphere by sphere all the way to the top. Two others went behind our backs and swore the Oath of the Abyss; one while a Probationer, the other a Practicus. Both are from Sacramento. It's either the water or the air in that area. Anyway, the first fell long ago back in the mid-90s and the latest we decided to carefully document as a warning to others. ... I do agree, it is possible to skip spheres and jump from even Malkuth but this clause was to accomodate those rare magicians, of which I am not, nor have I seen many worthy of such a quest. The only one I have seen worthy was Grady. I think I documenmted his story about the Oath of the Abyss fairly well. 

The old clause about no single A.'.A.'. member knowing another went out the window almost immediately in Crowley's time. It has never been inforced. You cannot impose such a rule and then expose your students as Crowley so often did in his writings. Personally, I feel this rule was put into place in order to stop the infectious disease of gossip and mundane pettiness so prevalent in other groups like The Golden Dawn ... but with time I think Crowley realized that you cannot teach 'there is no Law beyond do what thou wilt' and then place restrictions on your students. Its kind of unThelemic. ... Still, in Grady's lineage, only those members nearest each other are 'known' to each other. The membership from afar remains secretive to them and is no one's business. But this recent meltdown in the Sacramento Valley is a classic example, a sort of reminder, as to why Crowley thought the 'clause' where A.'.A.'. members do not know or hang around with each other was a good idea. Tragically, it's human nature to congregate and in our huddling, we do stupid things.

Yes, this Practicus is not the first, nor will he be the last to attempt the ordeal of the Abyss and you are correct, my postings are lessons not so much to him but to all our students throughout the world in order that we might begin to educate them as to the dangers of magickal stupidity. If the Practicus is 'falling' let him at least accomplish some good before he goes splat! 

Anyway, Aleister Crowley believed that the true seeker has only two real steps to take. As he wrote to Grady, he defined these as: “(1) to achieve 5=6 which means bringing your Energy up to your Heart Chakra Tiphereth where you meet your HGA [i.e. Holy Guardian Angel] & then ‘under that divine guidance’ to (2) assay the adventure of the Abyss.” ... Grady believed, as did Crowley and even myself, that more and more individuals in this Aeon will be attempting the crossing. The consciousness of the mystic has reached this stages. If we are correct, we as the teachers must be harsh in our guidance to prepare our students for this ordeal. Still, there will always be someone like the Practicus who'll go behind their teacher's back and take the Oath. 

The bottom line ... 'Splatians' are needed as reminders to the more serious students not to be stupid!


Thursday September 3rd 2008 cont – 7:00pm Here are some paragraphs about Choronzon and the Abyss from Chapter Seven of my book ALEISTER CROWLEY and the OUIJA BOARD. Regarding the Magickal Chain I wrote:

"The chain is often misunderstood and often tragically omitted from most people’s magickal arsenal. I cannot stress it strong enough. You must obtain this implement. Furthermore, it is important that the chain contains exactly 333 links."

"The symbolism behind 333 links is that it represents the sacred numeration of an entity known as Choronzon. Magicians strongly believe that this demon is as real as day and night, although a contradiction in his being implies that he doesn’t exist in the same sense as we exist. He lives in the realm of a vast astral desert known as the Abyss between the Pylons of Daath, or Knowledge. Some refer to him as the Guardian of all Shells for he guards reality from the known and the unknown. He knows the Truth or has the Knowledge behind every person’s illusions or life. This is why he is often called the Lord of Chaos and Dispersion. He brings everything to light and exposes our folly, which is something, few mortals’ want thrown in their face, especially those climbing the sacred mountain of Abiegnus toward spiritual heights. Volumes can be written on the theory behind this demon. However, just beyond the Abyss is the realm known as Binah on the Qabalistic Tree of Life. Binah is ruled by the attributes of Saturn. Crowley notes that one of the magical weapons of Saturn is the Sickle and that such can “be used in actual ceremony to threaten the spirit that Choronzon will cut short his independent existence” if he does not submit to one’s demands. In other words, the Sickle, like the chain and salt, can be used as a weapon against the spirit or elemental. Simply informing it that if it doesn’t oblige your wishes, “Choronzon will reap his Karma, and add it to the treasure of Choronzon’s storehouse.” No elemental can withstand the threat of being taken by Choronzon!"

"Few mortals who truly understand the nature of this demon will likewise go against him unprepared. We have already spoken of the inherent dangers of using an Ouija board and how a magician can lose all while playing in the astral realms. This was not an idle threat. Crowley warns that the biggest danger is the loss of one’s Karma, or the “Surrender of the Soul to Choronzon.” This implies that your whole existence, the very nature of the experience for which your Spirit has incarnated, has been dragged into the depths of dispersion and chaos. Remember, it’s written that all of your emotions, thoughts and experiences make up the constitution of your Shell. Everything is recorded upon this Shell as if it were a video or a movie. How tragic would it be if the experiences you were going through were composed only of madness or intellectual befuddlement caused by following false gods or concepts made by the feeble imaginations of others, as well as yourself. Such falsities and beliefs are tied to your spirit’s karma for all eternity. Yes, all eternity. Be careful, it is possible to lose your soul and it is Choronzon who will expose these follies to you if you attempt to reach his lair by seeking the Knowledge of the Shells under his domain, especially those follies relating to your own Shell."

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Monday September 7th 2009 – 6:45am For those who have been following our previous blog discussions on The Oath of the Abyss in regards to the folly of a Practicus, here are some thoughts to ponder from Crowley's Book IV, the chapter on The Cup:

The idea of organization is the first step, that of interpretation the second. 
The Master of the Temple, whose grade corresponds to Binah, is sworn to "interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with his soul." 
But even the beginner may attempt this practice with advantage. 

There is an apparent contradiction between this attitude and that of the 
Master of the Temple. What can possibly be more selfish than this interpretation of everything as the dealing of God with the soul? 
But it is God who is all and not any part; and every "dealing" must thus be an expansion of the soul, a destruction of its separateness. 

Postscript: So, maybe there is hope for the Practicus who went crazy in our lineage? After all, the Latin term Practicus literally means 'he who practices' - so perhaps someday he may realize his folly while in the Qliphoth of Hod, walk himself out and then simply acknowledge that he now understands how he has unconsciously been driven to practice this Art in preparation for when he will need it someday? But this is a Cancer's wishful thinking ... I am an eternal optimist.

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Wednesday September 9th 2009 – 11:30am Mr Anonymous OTO initiates writes - "On your blog last April 27 you said that Miguel Walters of Sacramento had been thrown out of the A.'.A.'. and knowing him, along with -------------- (Practicus), I can only wonder if you think both of there connection to the old Hodos Chamelionis Camp in Sacramento has anything to do with them both being thrown out of the A.'.A.'.?"  ........  Reply: I've omitted some of your logic about the 'sex magicians' of this OTO Camp. Hope you don't mind. Also, the Practicus was never expelled. Yes, Miguel & the Practicus are best of friends from the old OTO days. You are right, they have known each other for over twenty years. But in July of 2009 Miguel, who was a Probationer, was expelled from the A.'.A.'. for Qliphothic argumentative behavior with his Superiors. He was in a Pit of Because, he wouldn't listen and we had to cut his loose. Shortly thereafter he moved back to Sacramento, close to his old friend. As a magician we don't believe in coincidences; we're taught to interpret everything as a sign to either guide us or mislead us. What is really scary is that some of the phrases and comments made by the Practicus are identical to Miguel's. The similarities in emails are quite unique. Whether or not the Practicus, who was once a bright shinning Star, was consciously aware of doing this or not, is of course debatable. But a disgruntled Miguel was obviously like an infectious disease once back in Sacramento. He told anyone whose ear he could bend how he felt that he was wronged. He caused our lineage much distress. And to tell you the truth, I don't see the Practicus rebelling against Grady McMurtry's lineage a mere coincidence when, within weeks of his old friend returning to Sacramento, he too melted down in a Pit of Because. Although the Practicus has denied any connection, I would expect no less from a person who has misread 'interpreting' so many signs to have fallen into the Qliphoth as he has done. I'm not even saying that Miguel was conscious of his Kundry-like role; a true Kundry is often oblivious of their actions ... but the Kundry's affect on the subtle planes is hard to miss. We lost a good Practicus.

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Thursday September 10th 2009 – 9:35 Mary, who is an astrologer and who has been following the case of the Practicus' with amusement, wants to know if "the Practicus' birth chart shows any indication of the kind of meltdown you are describing that he should have been aware of? What lessons can we learn from this?"  .... Good questiosn. First, this is a classic example of a magician being stupid and not using all the tools at his finger tips before attempting a magickal act. He claims to have picked a 'proper time' to take the Oath, he even drew up a chart etc but when I looked at the chart, as have a few other astrologers, we all see failure. I would have never chosen the chart that he picked. It only shows that he is no astrologer. 
Also, had the Practicus come to me, instead of sneaking behind my back, I would have advised him up front of the dangers portrayed in birth his chart. For example: his South Node is right smack on the cusp of the 10th House which depicts the Abyss in our birth chart and his South Node is in his birth sign of Virgo. A grave warning to this individual whose Sun is in Virgo. The South Node is often considered very negative and it can be unfortunate and hindering if a person is attempting to function in this area without carefully reviewing the Karma that has been accrued from a previous life, and childhood that has been brought into the present. Or in other words; it depicts undeveloped characteristic traits and accumulated undesirable habits that have been left unfinished; which can easily undermine his present incarnation. I would have never advised him to take the Oath of the Abyss knowing his accomplishment, his capability etc, it reeks of failure. I would have advised him that his desires to take the Oath is the not the direction for him to go right now; he must follow the Head of the Dragon first, which is his North Node in Pisces in the Fourth House. He needs to develop his spirituality and his ability to 'interpret' things correctly first; then and only then will his Part of Fortune (in the 9th House in Virgo) put into order. Sadly, by all his recent actions it is obvious not only to me but others that this Practicus has developed no insights in regards to interpreting natural phenomena on Malkuth. With regret, his South Node is also  'Squared' Mars in Sag in the First House which is 'Squared' to his North Node. His type of fiery personality bathed in First House ego will never ask for help, nor admit he is ever wrong once he has dug his feet in. Too much Karma in this chart. 
His chart overall is quite unique, it shows the capability of reaching up into the branches had he simply put his ego under control first and carefully climbed instead of trying to 'jump.' 
It must be remembered, our birth chart only shows 'possibilities' and thanks to 'Free Will' we can screw these up ... as in the case of this Practicus. 

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12:54pm Mary replies to my email and 9:35am posting - "93 ... Thanks Jerry for the Practicus's birth chart. I see his Part of Fortune indicating failure in the area of the 9th House of spirituality and metaphysics where it resides because it has squares to his Rising and Moon in the 7th of relationships and marriage. He's got sexual issues. Women should watch out for this guy. His Moon also Squares his North Node. He will destroy any relationship that he's in and with that Mars in the 1st he'll always blame his partner. Most of his planets are above the Horizon. He is focused on Self as the world sees himself, not spirituality and with Mars he'll never see or realize this. Especially with Mars being in Sagittarius. Good luck with this one. 93 93 93/93 Mary." .... Reply: I didn't focus too hard on the Squares to his Part of Fortune, I was already too 'aughhhhhh' by my previous review of the Nodes etc but I see what you are saying. I like your interpretation of the Practicus; you've never met either him or I but you nailed him pretty good. We should collaborate on an interpretation of his chart?  :) 

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Friday Sept. 18th 2009 – 10:50am I receieved an amusing email. I replied - "Yes, you're perfectly correct; An Open Epistle to the Fallen written back in 2006 should have been carefully read by the Practicus from Sacramento before he jumped and thought he had taken the Oath of the Abyss ... But Ego has a way of blinding someone from the obvious." And to your other question - "Yes, there is still hope for him but he'll never be able to ask how."

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A month goes by & its quiet ...

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Sunday October 18th 2009  –  11-:05am To address a question, "What is really Truth and how do I seek it?" ... Well, for starters, below the Abyss Truth cannot exist because ALL that is, is bathed in Duality. Everything is divided for the sake of Union and the un-initiated has yet to realize that both extremes are correct from the point of view of its defender. However, above the Abyss these contradictions act as Unity and Truth can only be seen by appreciating both opposites from the point of view of the center of the Scales of Maat. Everything is of God, act accordingly. Remember, Crowley has stated that "Initiation is, by etymology, the journeying inwards; it is the Voyage of Discovery of one's Soul. And this is Truth that stands upon the prow, eternally alert; this is Truth that sits with one strong hand griping the helm!” ... The Goddess of Truth is Maat.
Basically, below the Abyss the second real task of an initiate to realize that Truth can never been found ... Truth is merely the ‘Path.’ Once this is understood you’ll know how to transcended Death through an act of Love; this realization supposedly occurs in IIIrd Degree OTO and in the degree of a Practicus; both of which work out of the Qabalistic sphere of Hod (Mercury). ... Regarding this realization, Crowley has stated that “Truth is our Path, and the Truth is our Goal; ay! There shall come to all a moment of great Light when the Path is seen to be itself the Goal; and in that hour every one of us shall exclaim : ‘I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.’” ... In Third Degree OTO are these immortal words uttered - “I am the Truth, and in my Turban is wrapped nothing but God!” ... Or in other words, finding the Holy Grail is not as important as the Quest itself.
So, what is the first task?
Crowley writes that “the first task of the Aspirant” is “the solution of the question” – “What is my True Will?” 
Ah, the Secrets of Seventh Degree .... opps, did I say too much?  Sadly, with our previous blog discussions on The Book of Lies and Chastity we only laid preliminary studies required to know the secrets of this degree before we got sidetracked by a Practicus who, unable to prove his magickal claims, swore the Oath of the Abyss to get 'beyond' my criticism. So, we never really got around to discussing this degree's Mysteries; nor will we thanks to the failure of this Adept. [at least not in a public forum] The greater tragedy, as brilliant as some of his emails were, this Practicus clearly shows that he doesn't understand VIIth nor any other aspects of HOD, otherwise he wouldn't have done what he claims nor would he continually banter that I am wrong and he is right that he is not in the Qliphoth of Hod but the Abyss. [hee hee] His 'Quest' is now rooted daily in trying to prove to himself and others that he is right ... silly rabbit, tricks are for kids. Crowley warns us that if we lack the final secrets [basically how to enter the Abyss] we're "apt to criticise our Will from the outside" .. or by "some Canon of what seems 'right' or wrong."' 
So, dear Practicus, where do you find Truth?  And how can a Babe cross the Abyss if he knows not where to look?  

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7:50pm To address another question - "Did Grady give you any special guidance before you swore the Oath of the Abyss?"  ..... Reply: Yes. For months he and I chatted; he suggested reading material and warned me what to do and especially, what not to do. He told me about the first, and greatest danger. This is learning how to take the Oath properly and how to have it 'stick' ... it's not that easy, otherwise everyone who reads the Oath in a book, or does something silly like taking it, could be doing irretrievable damage to the psyche for a lifetime. I have heard of literally 'hundreds' of people since the sixties [when I first got involved in Magick] who claim to have taken the Oath and who have achieved nothing more than becoming legends in their own mind. Obviously the Oath didn't stick and they were cast out. Their legacy is that they argue that the Oath 'has' stuck but they're usually too blind to realize that their every Word portrays how "it was my destiny", or my "True Will" to take the Oath ....  me, me, me, me, me!  Silly rabbits. How can you ever expect sucess with that attitude? The 'I' should have been under control long before you jumped. It is IMPOSSIBLE to put the 'I' under control while in the Abyss!  Read The Book of Lies!!! You'll either be thrown out imediately, or you'll become a Black Brother.
To address the other questions - "Is the Practicus you've been talking about doomed? And is the Quest finished in his lifetime?" ..... Reply: Good questions. No, to both. The most difficult phantom for any magician to face is the possibility that his or her 'magick' didn't work. No magickal act is 'automatically' successsful, even taking the Oath of the Abyss. You take the Oath, that's it, no 'mortal' can judge, and it is now up to the Gods as to whether or not you're worthy to stay as a Babe in the Abyss or if you'll be thrown out. By "their Words and actions on Malkuth" you'll know, and usually those around you will see the obvious long before you do. ... Thus, acting as a scientist a magician must recognize whether or not he or she was successful almost immediately, otherwise a lifetime can slip by in misery. 
Basically, if the Practicus can simply grasp the obvious, acting as a scientist, and review all the logical facts then he'd realize that he simply has to get up from where he fell, and continue on the Path. It is not that hard. The Practicus fell in Hod, but, if he's true to form, he will never face this phantom. The Ego is a terrible lead (Saturnian) weight at this stage and bathed in Hod, being our Intellect, he'll continually try to prove that he is Right. This is the dangers of jumping from the unbalanced Left Side of the Tree in the lower Ruach where the Ego has yet to be put under control - you 'think' you know it All. And with that in mind he'll continually point to the top of the Tree of Life while screaming "Damn it, I am in the Abyss!" ... and as his superior in the AA I will simply smile and reply - "Grasshopper, where are you pointing from?"

Grady once told me that there is never any problem with blowing up a laboratory, only in denying such while the building is burning down. 

... remember, the true A.'.A.'. lies above the Abyss and according to Liber LXI vel Causae - "Listen, we pray you, with attention: for once only does the Great Order knock at any one door." .. so, don't screw it up folks. 

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Saturday October 24th 2009 – 1:45am During a discussion this week I was asked a few amusing questions which I answered but I think I'd like to clarify them a bit more. They primarily dealt with whether or not a person taking the Oath of the Abyss can really be judged by anyone. Such a person is beyond the reach of mortals. They have, in theory, aspired to The Silver Star, or A.'.A.'. which is an Order that lays above the Abyss. Those below the Abyss are in the Outer Orders of A.'.A.'. known as either Golden Dawn or R.C. (One Star in Sight). They are not in the A.'.A.'. proper. 

Such person taking the Oath is said to be beyond questioning from those below the Abyss. This is why when Grady McMurtry took the Oath, his wife Phyllis who was only 5=6 could no longer judge him. Again, no mortal below the Abyss can judge a Babe.  

And, once uttered, the Oath of the Abyss could never be taken back. It must run its course but it may not automatically produce successful results. The consequence of taking the Oath correctly is that it throws the individual mentally and emotionally into a dark chasm of chaos, and confusion, tearing them asunder. Initially they must get this [nature of Choronzon] quickly under control but in truth, on a more mundane level, it could take a minimum of four years according to Aleister Crowley for the Chaos to subside on Malkuth and for the 'wires' [as Crowley calls them] to be established making it 'official' that you're in the City of the Pyramids and ready to receive Gnosis. But, within days, if the Oath doesn't 'stick' or if a person has no right to the claim, they'll be 'thrown out' and either cast back to the Qliphoth of the sphere where they last stood or they'll become a Black Brother.

So remember; taking the Oath of the Abyss is the undisputed right of all mortals but it is not an 'automatic' guarantee that you'll reside in the City of the Pyramids.

As an example; when Frater Achad (Charles Stansfeld Jones) took the Oath of the Abyss and questioned Crowley whether or not there was some proof which Crowley required of his success, Crowley simply told him, and I quote; “... on the 8=3 matter. I have no right to cross-examine. You claim it, and there is an end of the matter.” Understanding what Crowley was saying is where the confusion often arises and magicians are always quick to quote Crowley out of context as a means of avoiding the obvious. This has been a dilemma with the recent antics of the Practicus' whom we've been discussing on this blog. He has the undisputed right to take the Oath and no one can deny that nor cross-examine him nor judge him accordingly. He took it, that's it ... but by his 'Words and Actions' almost immediately after the fact, a NEMO, or No Man, or those Gods who resides Above the Abyss, can judge whether or not he had laid a proper Foundation to be successful or if he was simply fooling himself. ... Now do you see the Catch 22? If you take the Oath ... the key wording being 'IF' ... then we cannot cross-examine or judge but by your 'Words and Actions' it can be easily determine 'IF' you took the Oath. In other words, what Crowley wrote to Frater Achad is by no means Crowley saying that he can never judge Achad's actions - period, end of subject.  Crowley was still Frater Achad's Superior in the Order. 

Is it not a fact that after taking the Oath of the Abyss Frater Achad was producing books within four years which clearly showed that the "wires" had not been established properly and that at some point he had fallen into a Qliphoth of Qabalistic confusion ... and at this point did not Crowley clearly 'judged' him? ... Remember, a Magister Templi cannot stay above the Abyss. They must immediately function out of a Sphere somewhere on the Tree that they have accomplished [hence don't be stupid and jump from too low on the Tree] ... but the greater question is whether or not such individuals are immediately working out of the front side of a specific Sphere or the Qliphotic. .... Again, by the 'Words and Actions' you will judge them. ... The ultimate question is - at what point can NEMO judge?  Is it a day, a week or is it a month, or a year after a person takes the Oath?  Answer: [quite simple] When is a person who takes the Oath devoid of all 'Words and Actions' below the Abyss?

In other words; since I am NEMO, I can review the Practicus' attempt and determine by his 'Words and Actions' if he had done so correctly and if he did, I cannot judge him one Iota after that point. But if he has failed, I have the authority to judge him ... otherwise how can we ever say that someone has become a Black Brother or is  lost in the Qliphoth?  Basically, taking the Oath of the Abyss does not exempt you from ever being accused of Folly by your Superiors.  

As to the other question about my relentless 'banter' about the Practicus' taking the Oath of the Abyss ... and am I not judging him? Yes and no, those closest to me know how I feel on this subject. Any idiot can take the Oath and in most cases I'll simply snicker behind their back and say nothing. But the Practicus is a friend, a dear friend. I cannot just stand by and do nothing. ... From day one the reasoning for this Practicus taking Oath was 100% wrong. I tried to steer him by pointing out the obvious folly in order to shift his 'thinking' back on track but his replies only opened up further cans of worms. 

To determine if the Practicus was in the Abyss proper I had to continually warn him about the Qliphoth of the Sphere where he last resided due to all the obvious Shadows that he had not completely put under control. Taking the Oath of the Abyss does not negate them, it only exasperates them and it is here in Hod that he'll descend if he is succesful in the Abyss and the baggage that he's left behind will destroy him within four years, as it did to Frater Achad. I had to play the 'Devil's Advocate' [Choronzon] because, if he had come to me up front and told me of his ambitions, I would have advised him in private how to properly take the Oath as Grady did to me ... this is required of me. I could not tell him no, don't take the Oath. I must give him 100% guidance to ensure his success simply because he 'asked'. ... but the Practicus took the Oath behind our back and he was carrying 'extreme' baggage filled with Shadows from an unbalanced Left-Hand Pillar which reeked of failure whether he was successful in attaching himself to the Abyss or not. Initially I tried to steer him to 'think' correctly but he was unable to address the obvious and put it all to rest and so his solution was simply to stop answering my emails. He went into 'hiding' ... which, if he could not face and address his Phantoms from my Malkuthian point of view it kinda said that he was more so lost in the Qliphoth of Hod and not that Chronzon, far more crafty than I, was eating his Soul ..... but I knew that he read the blog and he forced me to try to reach him through this forum. My postings may appear to have been judging but never once did I say anywhere that he couldn't take the Oath or whether or not I could judge if he was worthy to take it, rather I continually pointed out that he had prepared himself foolishly and logic dictates that there is no way he could have attached himself to the Abyss with the Foundation he had created. 

Could he have corrected his mistakes?  100% Hell yes!  But did he ever come back asking how to make it right? ... NO ... he simply said that he was automatically right, his teachers were all wrong and I'm not going to talk to you anymore. Is there any doubt that ego is talking? And the more he played this game the more it revealed his Foundation. Still, regardless if he was stupid it is only to our benefit that he succeeds in any of his magickal endeavor which is why I keep trying to drop tidbits on this blog for him to ponder and hopefully to redirect his thinking.  

Finally, to address another question. If there are tests for ever A.'.A.'. grade  is there one for the Magister Templi? Grady did have me take a 'Test' to see if I had attached myself to the Abyss proper. He told me, success is your proof. He claimed that Crowley actually talked about this, as did Achad, as did Parsons ... and I can attest; it’s a cut & dry, undisputable proof. It is a very simple question to be answered. Grady gave me twenty four hours to give him the solution, acknowledging that in theory I should be able to answer it within an hour ... the Practicus has had the question since last Wednesday.  

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4:05pm To address an email – “Jer 93. Great posting today. You wrote how a person cannot stay above the Abyss but wouldn’t them being a Magister Templi mean that they automatically achieved all the spheres so they can move where they want? 93s F.” ...... Reply: Absolutely not. The key fact to always remember is that the Magister Templi cannot stay above the Abyss and he can only function out the last sphere which he spiritual accomplished. Taking the Oath does not automatically make you a Saint. If it were that easy why not have everyone simply take the Oath? Wouldn’t the world be a better place? Even on the remote chance that the Practicus does succeed at setting himself up as a vehicle (i.e. Pyramid) he can only receive the Gnosis out of the vehicle that he has prepared ... this being Hod. This was the folly of Frater Achad. He jumped from Malkuth. He took the Oath, stopped trying to fulfill the Tree and thought himself Myself Made Perfect ... within the required four years for the ‘wires’ to be established his books were already portraying crazy. Some of the spheres had not been set up properly to received Gnosis and he was obviously twisting the data in his head which inevitably had him reversing the Tree upside down.

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Tuesday October 27th 2009 – 8:30am Frank writes - "93 Jer. On the 24th your 4:05pm posting stated how even "on the remote chance that the Practicus does succeed at setting himself up as a vehicle (i.e. Pyramid) he can only receive the Gnosis out of the vehicle that he has prepared ... this being Hod. This was the folly of Frater Achad. He jumped from Malkuth. He took the Oath, stopped trying to fulfill the Tree and thought himself Myself Made Perfect ... within the required four years for the ‘wires’ to be established his books were already portraying crazy. Some of the spheres had not been set up properly to received Gnosis and he was obviously twisting the data in his head which inevitably had him reversing the Tree upside down."  I never thought of it this way.  How soon after a person takes the Oath do they start acting crazy? You and I know from the old days when _______ took the Oath. We both saw within the year that things were 'different' and not giving us any indication of a clean vehicle.  Do you ever hear from ________ anymore? I have been following your Practicus' saga. He is a text book case of lost and speaking the way of Chaos. Why aren't you slapping him? You mentioned the 'Test' also on the 24th, are you going to let us know if he passes or fails. What is exactly the 'Test' ?  ... In Light. 93 93/93 F."

Reply: No. ________ has fallen off the Tree somewhere; most likely roaming the streets of New York muttering to himself. ... As for your questions, you enter the Abyss and Chaos begins instantly. Choronzon immediately begins whispering in your ears to inflate the drops of ego not previously destroyed or put under control. If you jump and skip spheres, he's got a lot of juice to work with. ...  Personally, I'd love to slap my Practicus but it'll do no good. Yes, most of his emails are already dripping with Words rooted in Chaos and at this point he's unable to see it although virtually everyone else around him does who has been reading his saga on the blog. So, I guess everyone else is crazy and the Practicus is sane? ... He has clearly embraced the way of his demon and this cannot be changed unless he's willing but his demon is telling him to avoid us, don't write, don't contact us ... and this is because his demon doesn't want his guidance to be exposed in the Light of Day and without a critical sounding board to his words and actions, the Practicus, we fear is lost. ... Ah, the Test; the Practicus failed it miserably. Choronzon whispered the answer, not the Gods. It showed us who is in control and which direction he is facing. ... The Test, for now, is Secret although Crowley has published the answer in numerous places.

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8:55am An added note: Grady told me back in Syracuse in 1984 when I swore the Oath of the Abyss in front of him that the part of the Oath which states how "I shall interpret every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with his soul" is a double-edged sword. He reminded me that besides the immortal Gods, those Adepts like himself who reside above the Abyss as a Magister Templi are no men but Gods incarnated and he warned me that I must carefully interpret his 'Words' from this point on because his guidance was tempering me in an Alchemical furnace from Malkuth. Simply by being an MT the Gnosis that Grady consciously, or unconsciously, was channeling when he and I talked may appear trivial to others but if I missed  'specific signs' I could easily become lost.  I took his warning seriously.  However, the Practicus, armed with only his teachings up to Hod, knows it all ... he has discarded his teacher, a Magister Templi as was Grady, as if he were an old suit of clothing no longer needed. ... Still, I hold out hope.

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Friday October 30th 2009 – 7:43am Yesterday I received a very lovely email about the Practicus who recently swore the Oath of the Abyss, part of which stated - "I have been thinking lately about the nature of the Father/Son relationship (you and the Practicus) and how there comes a point in every little boy's life where he moves out of the house, and at times this does not go well. Parents have wisdom that children can't see and don't want their children to make either the same mistakes that they have, nor the mistakes that they have learned through life experience and observation. Damned kids rarely ever listen" ..... I replied : Don’t sugar coat it. I am merely a guidance counselor on the other end of the suicide hot line trying to talk some sense into a jumper. 

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Sunday November 8th 2009 –  7:06am On Friday my 7:00am posting  mentioned – “In astrology we are taught that when a person is having difficulties manifesting their Sun sign there is a strong tendency to shift the most negative qualities of its opposite sign into the forefront of their personality.” ... Everything has a Yin and Yang and I’d like to point out and stress that when the ‘opposite’ sign from the Part of Fortune in a birth chart becomes dominate then the negative qualities could easily prevent an individual from fulfilling their incarnation. Remember, the Part of Fortune is naturally a Harmonies area in our chart and it must remain so. The polarity cannot be allowed to shift.  
What exactly is your ‘Part of Fortune' ? There are three critical factors in every birth chart which determine our over-all incarnation. They are our Sun Sign, our Moon Sign and our Rising Sign. These three points each refer to one of the Moirae or Fates mentioned in Plato’s The Myth of Er ; Lachesis (ruling our Sun Sign), Klotho (our Moon) and Atropos (our Rising Sign). It was these three Fates who ratified our chosen life after reviewing all the facts regarding our past, present and future; of birth, life, death and equally important, rebirth. When we mathematically correlate these three Fates or our Sun, Moon and Rising Sign into one single point we obtain our ‘Part of Fortune’ or ‘Lot of Fortune’. The sign and astrological House that the Lot of Fortune falls in could be totally different than our Sun Sign but its importance should not be over-looked. It will help explain why six people who are born at the same moment and place in time may have a totally different ‘mask’ webbed around the characteristic of their Sun Sign. Each person has an over-all different lot in life and if understood they will have a better understanding of their ‘foundation stone’ in childhood but equally important; it will give them an indication of what and how they shall make use of those things that were been given to them at birth. In other words, this is ‘your lot in life.’
To further understand our Lot of Fortune consider what Dane Rudyar wrote, or how “... we can define it (the Part of Fortune) as the focal point for the expression of the power generated by the soli-lunar relationship.”  With this in mind, if your 'lot in life' is influence by an over bearing negative current it could easily affect your entire chart. For magicians, especially those who are attempting to climb the Tree of Life ... you'll play with fire if one Iota of the opposite sign from the Part of Fortune is allowed to manifest its negativity in the Light of Day which will immediately begin to influence your 'personality' or Sun Sign in particular and it'll tip the scales between your Sun & Moon. Remember, it is easier not to tip the Scales in the first place than trying to Balance them after a magickal blow-out.  Basic astrology 101.

In a twisted way, by discussing so much Virgo qualities on Friday I am reminded of the Practicus who stupidly took the Oath of the Abyss without guidance a few months back. He has both his Sun and his Lot of Fortune in the 9th House in Virgo just a few degrees apart. This House rules Sagittarius whose ruling planet is Jupiter. Jupiter rules the Qabalistic sphere of Chesed-7 on the edge of the Abyss and this is also the house of remote exploration which in a magickal sense could easily imply his unconscious drive to take the Oath of the Abyss. But, if not done correctly his phantoms (Choronzon) are truly Piscean (opposite sign from Virgo). 
If we were to look at the 10th House as Binah-Saturn (Capricorn) and its cusp as the 'Abyss', as many astrologers consider it to be in our psyche, then the greater tragedy is that this Practicus' South Node is just a few degrees inside the 10th House almost directly on the cusp and also in Virgo. ... Our 10th House is our fame, our notoriety and basically the position that we hold in the public's eye, or in our parent's. ... So what is the image that we are getting from this Practicus? 
His chart clearly implies that until his Sun & PoF faces its Karma then a crossing of the Abyss is all but impossible and will remain fleeting. His South Node is the number one 'obstacle' smack on the 10th House cusp that must be faced and basically the South Node is the ‘affect’ that he is experiencing due to his own  actions. In brief; the tail of the Dragon represents undesirable accumulated things which can thwart the head from moving forward by slowing the over-all body down. If not addressed in this life, the folly of the tail will only be worsened in the next. 
The bottom line; with all the karma, animosity and phantoms that this Practicus has generated toward his A.'.A.'. Superior, his friends and lineage due to his damn pride and ego fueled by an overbearing Piscean negativity it'll be all but impossible for him to succeed. He should talk to a Pisces and see how they walk themselves out of bad situations. Anyway, his fate reminds me of the TV show 'My Name is Earl' ...but I doubt the Practicus will ever be able to rectify his folly because he is incapable of mending fences. In fact, he believes that it is I who should apologize to him! ...  What did I do? ... But until he addresses what he has done to me, his immediate Superior, it'll be as drops of blood that he is incapable of putting into Babalon's Chalice. Remember, if so much as a single drop of Blood is withheld from her Cup it is impossible to enter into the City of the Pyramids ... and even if he comes out three or four years from now and proclaims himself having successfully crossed the Abyss, everyone will already have predetermined his public image ... and I wonder what that image will be?  It'll dog him the rest of his life unless he addresses it now. Images can be easily changed but in magick, karma is a bitch if left unchecked.   
My door is always open ... 

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Sunday November 15th 2009 –  3:40pm Here is a question - "Why is the lower Ruach so dangerous?" .... Reply: All members working out of the Ruach (the grade of the Lovers) according to Crowley are referred to as Adepts. The lower half of the Ruach is the first area where a magician seeks their Angel more so than any other area on the Tree of Life. Crowley writes - "To the man of earth it matters but little if he suffers nocturnal pollution, or indulge in wantonness; to you that are Adepts it is ruin absolute." ... The Ruach's danger has to do with the Laws of Opposites below the Abyss. To seek something evokes its opposite automatically and this means that to seek something 'far away' implies that its opposite must be 'close by.' 
This is why magicians, especially working out of Hod, Netzach and Tiphereth who are required to put their certainty in the 'Circle' (Angel) or Number higher up in the Tree of Life as indicated by their magickal degree, must and I repeat must, learn to control the 'Square' (Demon) or Number which indicates where they reside on the Tree. If they fail to understand this duality then their Demon, who lies in waiting close by, can easily 'enflamethe ego' to believe in and do stupid things ... and if the 'ego' is not controlled (within lower Ruach) then it will utterly corrupt Self downward into the most mundane depths of Malkuth where the Demon will actually manifest itself to the magician in the form of a woman to corrupt his 'Chastity' under the guise of Love. Most magickal failures occur in the lower Ruach, that is a fact and virtually all can be traced to an affair of the Heart.    
In Julius Evola's classic work Metaphysics of Sex (pg.192) it states - "It is said that demons came in the form of women to the Templar Knights who practiced Chastity, and that every Knight had his own Demon." ... Crowley states pretty much the same thing in De Nuptiis Secretis, Deorum cum Hominibus about how there will "appeareth a Demon in the form of a woman to pervert him."

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4:00pm An afterthought to my last posting: or why is the Demon a woman?  Basically, our 'Angel' can be either male or female [see the Bagh-i-Muattar]. In my case my Angel is 'female' which means the closest thing to me to manifest in Demonic form will be an actual flesh and blood 'female' trying to corrupt me. If I correctly learned and practiced Chastity there would be no problem and she could not affect my Universe.  

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Sunday November 15th 2009 –  5:25am While talking with Ben Hance yesterday about November 15th's 3:40pm posting he reminded me of another reason which I should have mentioned in regards to the dangers of working the lower Ruach. It is the first area where a magician has to deal with unfamiliar ground or with the Left Hand and Right Hand Pillars, both unBalanced in contrast to the Middle Pillar. And I might add that while in one of these outer Pillars you can easily 'tip the scales' and for this reason, all magicians warn their students, it is better to seek solely the Middle Path than take lightly the 'Snaking the Tree.'  

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Sunday December 6th 2009 – 9:40am An A.'A.'. initiate from afar wants to know if there are "any new developments with the Practicus who went mad" and who took "the Oath of the Abyss in a foolish manner." ... He further points out that he's been following the blog every day and "we haven't published anything since last month on the 15th. Any new developments? I am finding this the most intense magickal theory thread anywhere, I'm learning a lot and I was wanting to know how it turns out. I feel like I am left hanging." ..... Reply: Good point. We're all been left hanging but there has been a lot going on behind the scenes over the last month. My goal is to wrap things up soon or within a week or so. I'll post a conclusion but as to how it plays out for better or worse is in the Practicus' hands; it is his karma. He has Free Will to determine its outcome. Right now the Practicus has walked himself up to a soaring cliff and is on the verge of jumping where he'll plummet downward to his doom, like a fruit falling off the Tree of Life ... but before he leaps he still has free choice to make the right decision. This is what we are all hoping will happen. However, if he jumps we can assume it to be his Fate; or as Manly Palmer Hall puts it – “Free-will leaves off where foolishness begns."

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Monday December 7th 2009 – 8:10am After reading yesterdays 9:40am posting, Mike wants to know how I plan to "wrap things up soon or within a week or so" in regards to the Practicus who went mad after taking the Oath of the Abyss.  .... Reply: Well, it is complicated but I do not like leaving things unfinished from one year to the next. I like to begin each new year with a clean magickal slate so that I might take my own incarnation to its next stage.  I begin each year through birth, I live my life to the fullest, and inevitably I leave no phantoms buried in the shadows so I evoke the Laws of Death that I might be reborn into a new year with a clean slate. How do I do this? As an example: I have been unbelievably tolerant with the Practicus over the last five months when others simply said cut him loose ... but now the time draws close where I must move on. This 'entire' mess must be brought into the Light of Day so that it can follow the course of the Sun. As long as I am focused inward on helping pull the Practicus' head out of the Chaos of Hod, I am tied to his lunacy and I will drag it with me. We are all hoping that the Practicus finally gets what we've been saying and brings the conclusion out into the Light of Day himself,  or a conclusion that best benefits him in the Order. 
The conclusion that I will bring out into the open may not be to his best liking but I must think of the Order above him. 

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Wednesday December 9th 2009 – 10:00am I am getting a lot of emails regarding how the episode with the Practicus, who took the Oath of the Abyss, will end and inquiring as to what we might have been doing behind the scenes to help him.  ... Well, for starters, we try very hard never to simply throw an Adept to the wind who has become seemingly lost. The reason we get involved in vertical schools is not just for guidance but also to have someone there in case we trip on the path; to pick us up,  dust us off and point us in the right direction. It would be hypocritical of us in the A.'.A.'., when this Adept stumbled for the first time, that we would simply turn our back on him. We must exhaust every possibility to keep him from falling off the Tree of Life ... for once a fruit falls, it never re-attaches itself.
After much haggling, in early November, the reality was slowly sinking in with this Practicus and he asked for help. On November 15th I sent him this tome:
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93
You wrote on Sunday November 8th – “93 all... I'm not sure what else to say... In todays blog you wrote, and I quote " But until he addresses what he has done to me, his immediate Superior"... So lets start here??? How can I address this and what in particular are you speaking of?” 

Well, this is the first indication of a positive step forward. I am pleased. What you did to me was first to acknowledge how great my teachings and guidance has been over the years which enabled you to work the Tree of Life up to a certain stage ... then, you take the Oath of the Abyss ... and you begin ignoring my teachings as well as everyone from Aleister Crowley to Grady, of magickal theories in general and the Laws of Tree of Life ... as to what the Oath of the Abyss is all about and why you are exempt from following all the proper procedures for success. ... It is here where we start; trying to rectify this in order for you to move forward.  Are you willing?

Remember, in the Ruach everything is Balanced in its opposite; Ying and Yang; a Lower and Outer Adept, etc & etc. ... Have you not fully grasped why the numbers reverse in the Circle & Square in our Magickal Degrees above Tiphereth and what this means, if so, please explain?  You threw yourself into a realm where this Law is required to be ‘Understood.’  

Had you told me of your plans in advance to take the Oath I would have immediately told you that while in the MOE, or central Pillar, it is easy to jump. All Power is given to the MOE similar to the Minerval in the OTO ... but I would have advised you that as an Adept you should NEVER jump from the lower Ruach [Outer Adept]; its an unbalanced area bathed in both our outer Ego and pure Chaos struggling to force the magician back to Malkuth. It is where Nature tries to ‘right the wrong’ since it is believed that we have no right to climb in the Tree of Knowledge; where you as an Adept had apparently climbed. ... This single area is controlled more by the ‘square’ than any other on the entire Tree which means a person automatically struggles within the Qliphoth of these spheres; not on the front side of the Tree. If these three spheres of Hod, Netzach and Tiphereth are not completely achieved it can reek of failure for an Adept and in fact this is the one area where most A.’.A.’. initiates have tragic magickal failures, and in all lineages.  Consider this:

(a. The Outer Adept automatically works through the Square (i.e. Qliphoth) in our Magickal Degree and they must learn to focus on the Circle. The demon rules in this area which is known as our Lower Ruach (Hod/Netzach/Tiphereth) which is often referred to as a MOE crossing the lower Abyss or Portal on the Tree of Life. This area is designed to force a magician ‘consciously’ to face his outer personality or their Sun’s (Tiphereth) Light facing downward as others see it and especially how they projects it; both regarding its positive qualities and negative. This is where we must put our ego under control but you simply decided to ‘jump’ beyond these requirements as if they were not important. Magick 101 tells us that it is virtually impossible to complete this obligation while in the Abyss. Can you find me one reference in any magickal book which informs us that controlling our ego before we enter the Abyss is not important?   

I didn’t make up this rule, so where does this leave us?  

(b. The Inner Adept automatically works through the Circle (Spirit) and easily controls the Square. Once within Tiphereth/Geburah/Chesed the Adept will begin manifesting ‘unconscious’ workings, very archetypal thoughts out of the Anahata Chakra. Hence Crowley had his poetry as a ‘geyser of his unconsciousness’ as did Grady, others like myself and Luis have our art and you ... what about your Thesis?  Had you not skipped the Higher Ruach it would have been unfolding to you. So, what gushes from your unconsciousness that dictates the Laws of your incarnation?  You cannot fully enter the City of the Pyramids without your Thesis; it is officially your ‘ticket’ to the Ferryman  So again, what is your Thesis?  Don’t confuse the Thesis with a Magickal Record, or Diary as you had previously implied; they are not the same.

Had you approached me with your ambitions to take the Oath of the Abyss, I would have advised you against it but had you insisted I could have quickly moved you, step by step, up into Tiphereth within a real short period of time so that we could bring you to a Balanced place in order for you to jump safely but now it is too late.  So where does this leave us?

Also, the grade of the Lover, according to  Aleister Crowley, demands upon us “inner, intellectual tests” [The Equinox Vol.I No.7 p.392]; also note AL I:50, ... and I should point out; you also leaped from within the Qliphoth of Hod; a sphere ruled by the ‘Intellect’ both good and bad. ... Do you consider the disregarding of A.’.A.’. teachings to be the achievement of your ‘Intellectual’ tests?

Failure to even consider what I’ve been saying since day one clearly shows that you are automatically dragging ‘intellectual’ phantoms and baggage with you of denial and unless addressed; you’ll remain forever tethered into the Qliphoth of Hod ... which will be a hint as to where you’ll fall if you become a Black Brother. The fallen within this sphere inevitably babble ‘intellectual’ evidence as to why they, and they alone, have always been correct in their beliefs and how everyone else is wrong.  We see these types of individuals working out of Hod in magick all the time. But is this behavior not ego unchained? Remember; all people working out of the Lower Ruach naturally work out of the Qliphoth in these spheres in order to put their ego [i.e. their demon-square] under control; you were not exempt from this Law; nor had you risen up to be an Adeptus Exemptus when you jumped which would have made it easy. So, how do you think we rectify this problem ?

Furthermore, the reason why you MUST go back and attempt to fulfill all its Obligations and face its phantoms within the sphere of Hod is because a true Magister Templi holds the degree of 8=3. ... The ‘Circle’ being 8-Hod and the ‘Square’ being 3-Binah.  What does this imply?  Remember, no one can stay ‘Above’ the Abyss; to claim to be a Magister Templi working out of 3-Binah means that an individual puts their ‘point of view’ back into the sphere of 8-Hod and uses it as the receiver of Gnosis [via the descending Left Hand Pillar of 418) ... but this is a sphere in which you had failed to fully bring under control. Hence, the danger of instantly becoming a Black Brother the second, no matter how many years from now, that you claim in the Light of Day to be a Magister Templi.  How do we rectify this?  

Also, Grady told me that because I leaped from the Ruach I could never ‘openly’ proclaim to be a Magister Templi until I had fulfilled those sphere in which I jumped; these being Geburah and Chesed. I took the Oath of the Abyss back in 1984; it took me five years to fulfill just two degrees of 6=5 and 7=4 ... You failed to complete five spheres in the Ruach. ... How do we rectify this?

Even more dangerous; according to Aleister Crowley a major requirement for the Ruach is, and I quote him - “Eleven years of service as an Adeptus” before one is admitted into the next Grade, or that of the Hermit. “It is written that beware less this is not fulfilled for the Gods exact the price one way or the other.” ... Had you jumped as an Inner Adept from within the Ruach it would have been easy because in theory, once within Tiphereth, you are working out of the Anahata Chakra which rules the three sphere of Tiphereth/Geburah/Chesed [a hint as to how the Circle/Squared works above Tiphereth] but you are still not exempt from the 11 years of service; its just easier to apply them. ... Also, other individuals like Fraters Achad and Grady, jumped while still working out of the MOE. Had you remained a ‘Parzival’ in the MOE this would have been a different story; innocence has its benefits. ... But you entered the Lover Grade in October 2007.  Why do you think you don’t have to fulfill this time requirement? 

If you do feel that you’re still going to fulfill it, how do you plan on fulfilling it while having a limited time within the Abyss to achieve or be thrown out?   

Now do you see another reason why it is dangerous to jump from the lower Ruach?

The next problem: you cannot take magickal Oaths and affirmations to create a Clerk House (i.e. establishing your body ‘as’ a Temple of God) and then decide to change the rules later just because you’re nearing ‘forty’ ... you have NOT finished your Temple ... for you, it is virtually impossible to entered the City of the Pyramids because you still owe over eight years of service which is not just an idle rambling of time but it is the time frame that most Adepts agree that it will take to establish the wires for the Kundalini to be worked properly into the upper spheres on the Tree of Life. Although we often mention establishing the ‘wires’ over a four year period while in the Abyss this concept is very misleading ... it is while ‘in the Ruach’ that you actually begin forming the ‘wires’. ... Remember, the Kundalini sleeps in Yesod (MOE) and when awakened it slowly rises upward. If you had completed and ‘worked’ the sphere of Hod then the ‘psychic wires’ in this area would have been put into place or ‘opened’ permanently. Then you’d be able to move Kundalini up into Netzach to establish the new ‘wires’, then Tiphereth and etc & etc. ... The four year ‘time frame’ often mentioned while in the Abyss is actually the time it takes to learn how to use what you had previously established - properly. ... Be that as it may, you cannot claim to use ‘wires’ in a Temple when neither exists.  Duh!  Had you jumped when a MOE you are exempt from this Law. [Secret, O Man!]  Again, I didn’t make up that rules ... now do you see part of the problem, how can we rectify this?

Finally; the secret of the Oath of the Abyss lies in the fact that Above the Abyss we are ‘One’ which implies that Magister Templi, Magus and Ipsissimus are in fact three stages of the same manifestation. Read John St John (Eq I:1 pg.10-11) what is the actual Oath of the VIIIth Degree? This is what you’ll be held accountable to in reference to interpreting every phenomenon as a particular dealing of God with you soul.   

The Magister Templi like First Degree and VIIIth degree OTO all work out of Binah. ... Of note: Aleitheia (αληθεια) is the Greek Goddess of Truth; the daughter of Zeus (Jupiter). Etymologically Aletheia’s name is derived from the Greek word alethus which means ‘true’ or ‘not concealing.’ The name Aletheia signifies many things. For instance, the letter ‘A’ when added in front of a Greek word as a prefix can denote ‘not’ or ‘non’ while the next five letters of her name spell out Lethe (λήθη); Lethe being the name of the mythological River of Forgetfulness. Greek scholars have always acknowledged that Aletheia is the Goddess who helps us undo ‘forgetfulness’ which is why her name is often translates simply as “remembering.” She is often depicted as a beautiful young virgin dressed in white but the ancients also acknowledged that Truth can be very elusive. She is said to be found hiding at the bottom of a Sacred Well (i.e. as used in First Degree OTO).  ... I am to remind you ... she is the Goddess of TRUTH. ... This is what must be adhered to in order to enter the City of the Pyramids.  Every phantom created below the Abyss patronize one’s ‘I’ (ego) and it is like blood being withheld from the Chalice of Babalon (Binah) of which you are seeking in the City of the Pyramids. 

So, it is not going to be easy but if you’re willing to walk yourself out of a bad intellectual head space you’ll be one of our better teachers because you can teach from first hand experience. Remember, its easy to make mistakes, we have all done something similar within magickal schools but its harder to admit to our folly and move on. 

So, where do you think we go from here? Please answer all my questions carefully.
93 93/93 Frater Ached Osher 583
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I am releasing the above email because it has much information that may, or may not be of help to others along the path. Traversing the Tree of Life above Yesod is a complicated, if not a dangerous game. Too many people think that all they have to do is take an Oath, claim a degree and then tell everyone that they are in such and such Sphere on the Tree of Life without the slightest bit of magickal theory or training as to what it all entails. In Grady's A.'.A.'., theory is EVERYTHING. We are scientists. ... I wrote to another student just yesterday - "When we work in the depths of our mind were sanity and insanity are occasionally blurred, we need outside intervention with someone watching out backs." - "Magick is a serious pursuit and when we talk about ‘blow-outs’ reigning down into Malkuth ... they’re real." ... So, if this blog does little else, if we can drive home the fact that magick is not some simple child's game, then we have succeeded where so many others have failed.

More to come ...

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Friday December 11th 2009 – 10:35am On Wednesday December 9th at 10:00am I mentioned how I was getting a lot of emails regarding how the episode with the Practicus, who took the Oath of the Abyss, will end and many were inquiring as to what we might have been doing behind the scenes to help him. However, after I posted the previous email between myself and the Practicus to explain, I received a few incoming emails curious about us 'airing dirty laundry' ... in the future, these type of inquiries will simply be deleted. I don't address stupidity. ... For the record; we are not 'airing dirty laundry' ... we are magician, scientists and we use each other as a learning experience; we study each other's lives as if they were maps to our own consciousness. The Internet has given us all a valuable tool to read first hand about magickal theories and ideas. Should we hide this knowledge behind closed doors? ... No. ... Grady McMurtry's A.'.A.'. has never believed in Mysteries. These are the enemy of Truth. If others in our lineage (and beyond) can get glimmerings of Truth from what we post - then this recent magickal meltdown is a valuable learning experience for All. That is why we are posting these emails between a Teacher and a student.  But if you see no higher than 'dirty laundry' ... it kinda says it all, no?
Be that as it may; I went on to mention in my previous posting how "we try very hard never to simply throw an Adept to the wind who has become seemingly lost. The reason we get involved in vertical schools is not just for guidance but also to have someone there in case we trip on the path; to pick us up,  dust us off and point us in the right direction. It would be hypocritical of us in the A.'.A.'., when this Adept stumbled for the first time, that we would simply turn our back on him. We must exhaust every possibility to keep him from falling off the Tree of Life ... for once a fruit falls, it never re-attaches itself" ... I then mentioned that after much haggling, in early November, the reality was slowly sinking in with this Practicus and he asked for help. ... and so, on November 15th, I sent him a tome, a copy of which I posted on the blog on December 9th. ... He actually replied to it on November 25th. The very next day I sent him my reply, informing him that his original email [posted below] is in RED, my comments are inWHITE.  

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You asked me to answer your questions… so hear goes… [Well, for the record, you answered almost none of my questions. I don’t think you follow directions well. This may be the root of your problem.] clearly from your position we are left with but a few options…either I am to become a Black Brother, cast from the Abyss… or I must face all the phantoms within the lower Ruach beginning in Hod… of course I would prefer the later. [I too would prefer the latter.]

For the record I never stopped listening to you or Crowley or considering your position etc… Your theories remain sound. [Sound? ... but you constantly twist them to fit your WANTS?] But in some ways you have misunderstood me. When I took the Oath I never intended to skip any Spheres, nor do I deny that if you truly leapt into the Abyss from any position below Tiphereth; chances are your on your way to becoming a Black Brother… but I wasn’t casting myself into the Abyss like that… that was never my intention. I was initiating a life long path leading to the Crossing of the Abyss not casting myself in at that moment from where-ever I stood. [What?  Not casting yourself in?  So let me get this straight; your ‘new’ view about what occurred when you took the Oath of the Abyss is that you ‘initiated’ a life long path’ to cross the Abyss and that you did not actually ‘cast’ yourself into the Abyss, but are simply fulfilling the spheres one by one upward until the day you’re ‘actually’ cast in, right? ... Besides being contradictory to many of your previous emails, this is utterly crazy. ... All magickal books clearly state that you take the Oath of the Abyss and you’re either cast in or you’re not. End of subject. Show me one magickal book which acknowledges your views as being correct or anything other than what you WANT the Oath to entail?] Due to the extenuating circumstances at the time I thought I had to approach the work of initiating myself up the Tree alone from there on out. [I will not go into the “extenuating circumstances”, it’s a sore spot of contention.  ...... However, I will say this; as long as you’re in A.’.A.’. you have a Superior, end of subject. Taking an Oath doesn’t negate that. This is obviously another example of misunderstanding of what occurs when taking the Oath of the Abyss. You have been ignorant of the facts since day one. When I took the Oath it did not mean that I no longer had to listen to Grady. The only time you ‘lose’ your Superior is if you are thrown out of A.’.A.’. or you quit.] My plan was to simply Snake myself up the Tree as best I could culminating in my attempt across the Abyss… I have no idea how many years it would take me to get to the place where I would truly be cast into the Abyss  [Again, rewriting magickal theory: you were either cast into the Abyss ‘immediately’ when you took the Oath; or you failed to make the proper leap and you were thrown out.  You don’t “take the Oath” and then seek a place on the Tree where you can “truly be cast into the Abyss.”  That is utter nonsense and bullshit. It doesn’t happen that way. Where in any magickal book is this defined as the process? Or is it again what you WANT it to be?] or even if I would succeed etc… in other words I also knew I had to fulfill each Sphere and obligation all the way up. The only real difference I see is that you had me in Hod while I would of just worked from Netzach on up…I see the Oath as a daily reminder of the Path I have initiated and nothing will sway me from… no more, no less. This doesn’t imply just forgetting everything else? [For the record; when we moved you into Netzach you almost immediately melted down. That is a fact. If you remember, as your teacher, I quickly moved you back into Hod and requested diaries in an attempt to figure out why the stumbling block so that we could pick you up, dust you off and move you forward. You failed again, obviously showing your limitations. So, for the record, you’re not in Netzach, your still a Practicus and you’ll remain a Practicus until I, your Teacher and Superior, are assured that you have accomplished this sphere. ... HOD is the realm of the Intellect seeking either Truth or Fantasies and to accomplish this Sphere you must shed child-like man of Earth views which are not based in Truths but earthly WANTS. It is the sphere where you supposedly obtain you’re “Bullshit Meter.” ... As I see it, by constantly rewriting magickal theory and playing ‘semantics’ you are looking for a loophole to fit personal WANTS. That is dangerous magick on the Tree of Life; fun head games to banter about with friends while drinking and doing drugs but I warned you long ago, as I do with all students moving out of the man of Earth, the time to play is over. Learn the Laws, live them or you’ll be thrown out of the Tree. ... Netzach is the first sphere where the the Goddess of ‘Truth’ is manifesting ... and didn’t she throw you out? That should have been a wake-up call that somehow your ‘Intellectual’ views are way out of whack. ... So, as I still see it, we need to work things out in HOD otherwise you’ll forever be speaking from the Qliphoth of this sphere.] To be quite honest I don’t believe any series of words automatically cast you into the Abyss, it isn’t that simple; only when I am at the proper moment, being truly prepared will this happen…yet an Oath is an Oath and can never be broken. So I have begun something and I‘m not recanting on the Oath I did take nor in my goal of assailing the Abyss…but the when??? [I agree with what you begin saying because the Truth has finally come out in this email. ... On the one hand you claim an Oath is an Oath and cannot be broken but on the other hand you took an Oath that has been previously been well define ... extremely well defined. ... However, this email clearly shows that since the very beginning when you took ‘an’ Oath of the Abyss, by your own admission, you had ‘rewritten’ its ‘Intent’ which clearly informs me that you didn’t take ‘THE’ Oath of the Abyss that Crowley, Grady, Luis, myself and others have taken, you simply took ‘something’ and then named it the same name as the true Oath. ... and so, you’re NOT in the ‘actual’ Abyss proper.  End of Subject.  You’re still, as I’ve told you since the very beginning, in HOD ... simply intellectualizing and redefining its Laws as you ‘WANT’ them to be. But this is 100% unacceptable in A.’.A.’.. Do you want to get with the program or not?]

In either case you wrote that if I had informed you of my intention to leap you would of quickly moved me onto the Middle Pillar in Tiphereth where I would have the stability to leap from as you did…so where do we go from here? Well my intentions are clear enough now so why not as you suggested, quickly take me from Hod up into Tiphereth? [For the record; my ‘suggestion’ was in regards to an honest, upfront student who had approached me before hand ... you, on the other hand, have created more baggage, crap and phantoms than I care to take on. If I were to quickly move you up into Tiphereth, in order for you to leap ‘correctly’, I would now have to be 100% sure that you have completed the earlier spheres otherwise I’d be taking on part of your Karmic load that you have created.  I hope you understand? ... I should also point out that you are clearly acknowledging an intent to ‘leap’ from Tiphereth into the Abyss if I bring you up to this sphere ... To seek something is an admittance you’re not it; magickal rule no.1 ... so, as I see it, you are also clearly acknowledging that you presently don’t believe that you are in the Abyss. ... so I am completely confused.] As far as the “time frames”… it doesn’t say that you must fulfill the 11 years only that there will be a price exacted by the Gods in one way or another if not… however when all is said and done I may have fulfilled this requirement as well and only time will tell. [Again you play semantics and are looking for loop-holes.  ... but since you are not in the Abyss proper, you are required 11 years service.  End of subject. It is a ‘Ruach thing’. ] 

None the less the danger still remains that I may become a Black Brother; of this fact I am fully aware and again time will reveal much. If you consider me a Black Brother now then state so, expel me and be done with it. If not and you care to offer your assistance then please teach me all that you know in these regards and if NO… then I shall do the best I can on my own. [You can’t be a Black Brother if you are not in the Abyss so I won’t label you such. OK? ... But for the record, if I, as a Magister Templi, acknowledges you having been in the Abyss, and then come out publicly proclaiming you by name as a Black Brother ... This will dog you for the rest of your life as if it were a Magickal Curse evoking only the dark side of your Spirituality. There is ‘NO’ climbing out of that pit. As with Charles Stansfeld Jones, the mere mention of your name will forever become synonymous with someone who twisted magickal theory in order to fit their insanity and ‘WANTS’ ... and whenever your name is mentioned, along with any and all future magickal claims or writings that you release, that image will immediately pop into the minds of everyone. That is the curse of  being ‘called’ a Black Brother. ... and the greatest tragedy is that to be strapped with this title “shuts down any and all further quests upward into the Tree of Life” ... I don’t think you want to go down that road. There is still hope for you to walk yourself out of this mess.]

Still if we are to truly move forward then let me state clearly and for the record that I only promise not to sleep with my own students… all else is fair game in my book and the reasons for such are numerous. If this position is unacceptable in your lineage then I chose the wrong one so expel me, move on and be done with it… but I meant well… 

[You’re giving me stipulates? I don’t think so. Students don’t demand ‘blind check’ stipulates that their teachers must accept. That is not how the A.’.A.’. works. The A.’.A.’. is a chain system not dictated from below to above. I do not accept your ‘fair game’ proposal. ... and as for making ‘promises’ ... all I ask of my students is that whenever they make a promise - they keep it ... it was your Word that was at issue, not the content. If in the future you make any promises with me, I expect them to be kept. If all this is “unacceptable” to you, then quit. 

And for the record, I will NEVER expel you. That is too easy. That would free you up to go off and do what ever you WANT.  I am going to keep you in the lineage and under my thumb until you get it right. And if you decide to baulk at your teacher’s guidance and ignore me, as you have been, then you’ll simply be forever known, as you are presently known, as the crazed Practicus who twists the Law of Magick to fit his earthly Wants; or the Fool in the corner. But we can ‘change’ this image, we’re magicians no? ... The bottom line; as a person guiding humanity, I cannot unleash you upon unsuspecting students in your present condition.  It would be my karma. 

And it is not ‘my’ lineage ... it’s yours too. It is your Foundation Stone. It is part of the ‘Outer’ extension of your Temple (body) ... so don’t be so quick to kick it out from under yourself.  

Finally, a true A.'.A.'. initiate working out of the R.C. seeks to slay the ‘I’ and their entire Life becomes dedicated to becoming a vehicle for SHE; the first inkling of such being felt in Netzach which you couldn’t handle. ... Within A.’.A.’. Netzach is the sphere of Bahkti yoga. The giving up of ‘self’ to the Teacher and Above.  But you’re present email, as with all your previous emails, reeks of “Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, My views, Me, Me, Me, Me, My Terms, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me.” ... do you not see that?  

Inevitably, if  the A.’.A.’. ever does proclaim you ‘fallen’ it will not be because we want it to be such, it’ll be through the Law which denounces all Adepts or – by his Words you shall know him. ... Words are Intellectual manifestations of our Spirit. You cannot claim to be seeking spirituality or Oneness with the Universe in the branches of the Tree of Life while vomiting such ‘MEism. You must learn to get with the program. All of your emails to date only prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are no higher than HOD where the importance of ‘ME’ rules strongest when an initiate is in its Qliphoth. There is a reason why most Adepts fail in the lower Ruach; they approach this area of the Lover with too many cling-ons or man of Earth ideas rather than learning the proper way from the point-of-view of HOD and Above. This will be your doom. You continually and intellectually twist magickal theory, play semantics, back-peddle and try to side step the obvious in an attempt to save face while never once having to admit you might have been wrong. This is unacceptable ego behavior and will no longer be tolerated. You must face your phantoms and vanquish your ego. 

Anyway, I want to be there for you, to help you. I have always, and still, consider you a good friend ... but first, we need to get you back into the A.’.A.’. program proper ... that is, if you are 100% willing.  But I am a hard teacher and you know that. I will not pull punches nor will I acknowledge bogus magickal theories that simply patronize a fragile ego. You’re in an Alchemical furnace and if you cannot stand the heat, well ... anyway, if you are not 100% willing to get back with the program then the only road for you to take is to realize that the A.’.A.’. will never acknowledge you above HOD until you’ve accomplished this sphere correctly. You ARE in HOD, end of subject and the discretion to move forward is not yours. . ... if that is not to your satisfaction, you can simply quit; leaving the A.’.A.’. 100% behind and then wallow on Malkuth “no higher.” 

So, since this is not about me but you, what is your next move? The time to drag this on is at an end. You clearly know my views and I am getting weary of this whole mess.  

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And his reply?   ...   to be continued ... 

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11:20am Ken writes - "Hi Jerry 93. Been loving the blog. I have been following the story of the Practicus since day one. Great theories. You guys rock. Can't find this sort of stuff anywhere else on the internet. I want to write to give my two cents. Does this Practicus think we are all stupid? I re-read his earlier postings and it seems to me that he adamantly said he was in the Abyss. And didn't he defend taking the real 'Oath' and that you were wrong, and that he wasn't in Hod? Now it seems like he's back tracking, trying to save face? Doesn't he see it? ... Hope your health is OK, have fun tonight. It is cold here in old New England. 93 93/93 Kenneth." ... Reply: Its cold here too. And yes, the Qliphoth of any sphere bathes the lost in a delightful ball of contradiction in defense of their ego. All of these posting only serve as a great learning tool for other A.'.A.'. initiates trying to work the lower Ruach because the Practicus' story is not really about taking the Oath of the Abyss as much as it is about the 'Intellect' (i.e. Hod) being driven by an overzealous ego to the point of madness.  

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Saturday December 12th 2009 – 6:50am Regarding this magickal episode with the Practicus that has been drawn out for almost five months on this blog; my 10:35am posting yesterday ended with me posting my last email to him and then asking - "And his reply?" .. followed by a "to be continued" ... and well, here is his reply, pay attention and remember the Laws which dictate by their 'Words you shall know them."   He writes:

93 Jerry...
here goes...
 As far as my position on the Abyss and my Oath...they have always been the same. You always misunderstood my intentions and because of 'matters' I didn't care. I took the Oath at a time when I thought it best for me to move on...in doing so I was not going to give up my quest to climb the Tree...but instead simply do it from guidance from within and no where-else...this will all lead to me truly casting myself into the Abyss when I am at that point of be 'pre-pared' when that moment actually is...is unknown. So yes this is a life long quest and this is the Oath I swore. This path is my own to take and this Oath I cannot break...So to me this Oath takes on much meaning on may levels and does conclude with me assailing the Abyss but no it was never I am now cast in the Abyss. In fact many close to me, and some to you, can attest to this fact because we spoke of it... So it isn't a new position I am taking this is how I have always felt....and no I cant show you in any book where it says I can do this with the Oath... I just did it of my own volition as I have always been very comfortable in my magick boots...this Oath is of my own making and a life long path.
 Also I never thought that taking the Oath meant I was past you or had no superiors or anything like that...My Oath is separate from all that...I felt I was moving past you in these regards simply because I thought I was no longer going to be working with you and nothing more.
 But now looking forward, I hope... you wrote

anyway, if you are not 100% willing to get back with the program then the only road for 
you to take is to realize that the A.’.A.’. will never acknowledge you above HOD 

I am good with this... You ask me my next move... i have none...im content to just put all this behind me and be acknowledged in Hod.
 93 93/93
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Reply: And so, it ends ... we are back at ground zero. The Practicus is, of course, blowing it out his ass with utter distortions but at least he now admits what I’ve been telling him since day one; he’s not in Abyss, he’s still in Hod.  Good.  But think of all the trouble he could have saved himself if he just agreed with me months ago?  Still, there was a bad taste in my mouth after I had read his email. In fact, one of the other Hermits in our lineage, after reading the Practicus' reply, said it best when he wrote to me saying - “93. This is the nicest, most thoughtful, kindest, well thought out 'fuck you' I have ever had the pleasure to read.  93.”
I replied - "I agree. I was furious when I read it. Again, it was ‘I’ who misunderstood him!  Its all ‘my’ fault!  What bullshit.  Does he not realize that I keep a log of all incoming/outgoing emails and I carefully reply only after reviewing the ‘past’ ... he clearly, from day one, claimed to have taken ‘the’ Oath of the Abyss; and now, when he realized what a fool he has been, the story mutates so that he can save face ... by hanging me out to dry! He has yet to take responsibility for the Hell he’s caused in our lineage."
The bottom line ... and a warning to all future A.'.A.'. initiates, take heed - the rule of thumb on every plane and in every circumstance is that when you fuck up : you don’t shift the blame to your wife, girlfriend, friends, your boss, those above you, your professors and teachers,
... and most of all, your Superior in the A.’.A.’.. 
This only gets you nowhere.  

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Friday January 1st 2010 – 7:35am Sadly, and with much regret, I must announce the closing of the AUM HA Clerk House which was established by Robert Flores in Sacramento California. He is the Practicus known as Frater Orpheus, who has had all the crazy ordeals thrown at him in the regards to the Abyss and the Qliphoth of Hod. Last night he sent us his written resignation from the A.'.A.'..  I will not post his lengthy five page tirade vomiting his resignation. It is merely something that he wrote trying to defend his actions by viciously attacking me, the Order and the entire magickal system which didn't recognize his 'greatness.' It is so far off kilter with distorted facts that a first year psychology major would ask - "Who is he trying to convince, us or himself?" ... He is obviously angry, hurt and rather than being a man, acting dignified and resigning with honor, he chose to stamp his feet, whine, bellyache, take his toys and go to his room crying where the 'model of his Universe' is his sanctity. It only proves what we've been saying all last years. Some people just belong on Malkuth, their ego thinks themselves higher, but their actions and words always reveal the Truth. 

"Listen, we pray you, with attention: for once only does the Great Order 
knock at any one door." - Liber XVI vel Causae 


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A FINAL THOUGHT

Saturday January 16th 2010 – 7:00am James from Pennsylvania writes - "Hey Jer 93 and burr. Its cold here! Love the blog. I have some thoughts I want to share. I once knew this guy here in New York whom everyone said went crazy after claiming to have done magick beyond his grade and he fell into Chaos but I found him nice. I didnt think him all that nuts. Can everybody be that wrong about him or is it, as another friend joked, like attracts like and that I'm crazy too? Anyway, he seemed sane. Can someone walk themselves out of having done something stupid magically or are they lost always? 93 93/93 Jim"

Reply: Good questions and yes, you may be nuts. Anyway, if true to form, all who fall will inevitably 'solidify' themselves back to a point of normalcy. This state is referred to by the magickal phrase "Nature rights the wrong" or in other words; since God told man that he has no right to the Tree, Nature will put him back into reality in Malkuth or on the ground where he belongs. And, unless he dies from the fall, he'll simply dust himself off and go on with his business. The greatest danger always occurs while in the state of Chaos not afterwards. As I've said, afterwards, once a magician has fallen back to Malkuth, they will return to their old haunts and in most cases they will function 100% as if nothing had ever happened.  But it was while in the state of Chaos where a magician will do the most damage to themselves by saying or doing something that will haunt then the rest of their life. ... Remember, all magick must also work out of Yesod; despite whatever sphere you are presently attempting to achieve. You need the activation of the Muladhara chakra in Yesod in order for you to function on the Tree. At no time, regardless of the sphere that you are presently working, is it a sole prospect. It is always an accumulation of the spheres below. So never focus so hard on where you stand (or above) that you forget the trunk of the Tree while climbing in the branches or you'll lose your footing.  Most magicians fall from the Tree not from where they are focused but rather from the Foundation that they have built for their footing. 

 Yesod is the animalistic sphere of Nephesch the seat of our Libido. On the most lowest animalistic level this is pure ‘sexual’ energy that can be activated by ‘thinking’ too much about the opposite sex; the clue being “too much.” As I told another student just this week, it’s natures way of helping humanity unconsciously procreate and keep the species alive. Magicians, on the other hand, want to learn how to use this energy to create inward, hence the Laws of Chastity. Unfortunately, while in a state of Chaos, one of the first functions to go is always correct 'thinking' and often what one vomits in their defense can tell a teacher exactly what unresolved problems a student might have and thus the teacher can walk them out - if a student lets them. But some students will often not listen to their teacher while in a state of turmoil and they 'think' themselves into a point of no return. Then, once back to normalcy on Malkuth, they can act as if nothing ever happened and often those around them can not understand what all the fuss of the past was about; as with the case of your friend in New York. But the damage has been done. As Phyllis Seckler often said - a fruit that has fallen from the Tree does not reattach itself.  

 The bottom line - 'Thinking' moves Kundalini up and down the Tree. Learn to think correctly and cast out all shadows and illusions of false thought which can caste you back to, or bind you upon Malkuth. This Law is so simplistic but its the downfall of more good magicians than you can shake a stick at ... and the stick is often the very branch that broke off in which the magician thought was good footing!  

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Love is the law, love under will. – AL I:57ound them can not understand what all the fuss of the past was about; as with the case of your friend in New York. But the damage has been done. As Phyllis Seckler often said - a fruit that has fallen from the Tree does not reattach itself.  

 The bottom line - 'Thinking' moves Kundalini up and down the Tree. Learn to think correctly and cast out all shadows and illusions of false thought which can caste you back to, or bind you upon Malkuth. This Law is so simplistic but its the downfall of more good magicians than you can shake a stick at ... and the stick is often the very branch that broke off in which the magician thought was good footing!  

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Love is the law, love under will. – AL I:57

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