Got to have Faith

  My transiting aspects of astrology is almost impossible to interpret without advanced knowledge + skill and even then the experts will have to spend quite a bit of time in contemplation to fully grok it and be able to explain to me what's going on. My dear friend, Austin Coppock, was at a loss when I was freaking out with irrational bouts of anxiety from the triple conjunction (Neptune, Jupiter, Chiron) sitting precisely on top of my Sun sign while my in my Probationer year which written instructions had me practicing Resh. To his credit all the expert astrologers were still struggling to explain the newly discovered Chiron and how that triple conjunction was effecting the population in general, much less someone who was personally activating her highest powers with it in precise alignment. Jupiter in Aires is the strongest aspect in my chart. Well, some would say my moon in Cancer but I say that there's nothing strengthening about having your Moon precisely conjunct Saturn and opposite Venus. I have a double T-square or conjunct T-square.. don't think there's a name for it because I doubt it's common enough. So any would be computer generated horoscope interpretation is never quite correct because it fails to consider all the oppositions causing things to cancel each other out or be way more significant or just different and almost unexplainable. Complicated is a word that maybe scratches the surface. I'm use to knowing things without an explanation for why or how. I know something AMAZING IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

Jupiter Square Venus 0.33 -109

Jupiter Opposition Jupiter 0.34 -187

Saturn Trine Jupiter 0.55 80

Uranus Conjunction Jupiter 0.38 300

  

  I feel really strange! Oddest sensation EVER is your heart on fire with a rush of chills from head to toe simultaneously. Thought maybe I was hungry but couldn't feel my stomach for swooning. Ate and nah, still there. It's like a half asleep in the clouds while half perfectly grounded and yes, I meditated a little while ago and drop cords so that's not it either. It's magnetism. That's what it is and I don't care to explain because someone else is on the other end so I am not alone anymore and won't be for a very long time from now but time isn't relative in the here and after. I am blessed, oh so blessed... <3 namaste="" p="">

Black Hole Sun

Okay so I've tried to remain extremely skeptical about all the Niburu conspiracy theories, using scientific discretion, however I'm not sure what to make of this! Why does the "sun" appear black in these webcam photos live in Antarctica?!? Check it out:

Webcam Neumayer Station III

DYT ~ damn you transits!

Oh! Look at my lucky new year's day ~

Sunday January 1, 2012

Moon Conjunction Jupiter, exact at 20:35
Moon Trine Neptune, exact at 05:15
Moon Sextile Mars, exact at 13:49
Moon Sextile Med.Coeli, exact at 17:38
Moon Opposition Pluto, exact at 00:43
Moon Square Venus, exact at 23:22

Important long-term influences ~

Saturn Square Mercury
Pluto Sextile Uranus
Saturn Square Moon

Basically Saturn & Pluto are square & opposed my ever so sensitively ambitious T Square ~ trials! tribulations! Pretty much all year... Sucks fnord.

Here ~

click for comprehensible view..

my short report forecast from astro.com

Jupiter opposition Uranus: A need for newness
Beginning of July 2011 until beginning of March 2012: This influence signifies a desire to release yourself from restrictions and obligations that you feel have limited your life unnecessarily. Often it coincides with a sudden break from some limiting circumstance, such as a person, a job or simply a way of life. This need for newness in your life and for something different from the daily routine is a powerful force, and it will be very difficult to continue as you have. You will feel the breaking away itself as an enormous relief, a lessening of tension. For this reason you must review your life very carefully to find out what needs to be overthrown and what does not. The danger is that you will overthrow worthwhile things along with the useless. Be careful of this, because it could substantially vitiate any advantage you gain from your new freedom. Relationships are especially affected by this influence, particularly those that obligate you in some way. A partnership, either marital or business, may be quite difficult to maintain during this time. And to add to the confusion, it is sometimes your partner who wants out. This is an example of an influence experienced in projected form; instead of putting out the energy yourself, you encounter someone who is apparently doing it for you. In this case, do not attempt to hold on to the other person, for that is the surest way to drive him away. Give your partner all the freedom he needs, for you need it, too, although you are not as aware of it. A related expression of this influence is encountering a person who seeks in some way to liberate you from yourself or from some duty that you have voluntarily taken on. You may find such a person irritating, but he or she is performing a valuable function in your life. Again, the roles may be reversed, and you may set out to change someone else's life. The point is that this is a valuable influence, even though it may be somewhat disruptive. It can prevent your life from becoming so static and stabilized that you cease to be truly alive.  

Saturn opposition Jupiter: Crab walk 15 October 2011 until 31 October 2011: During this time, your opportunities for growth and expansion in life are limited. You may feel that you are moving sideways, if not actually going in reverse. There may be financial problems, especially if you have overextended yourself in the recent past. Another effect of this influence is restlessness and impatience with restrictions imposed upon you. This period requires patience, but unfortunately yours seems to be almost exhausted. This is a period of readjustment after a period of possibly too-rapid expansion. Certainly it is necessary to examine your recent past to make sure that you have acted according to what you really want to do and really ought to do. This influence can have the effect of getting you back into a path that you have wandered away from. Do not be discouraged by any recent setbacks. Quite likely they were for the best, as you will probably see in a little while. Make things more secure and more stable, but do not start any new projects now. If your expectations are overly optimistic, you may be disappointed, but at least the reasons will become clear. You will see what aspect of reality has interfered with your ideals, and in the future you will be able to take this into account. Also at this time personal relationships may go through a period of trial. You often feel as if your personal freedom is unduly limited by others. Separations sometimes come about because you feel that that is the only way to achieve freedom. And, in fact, you are usually better off after a separation that occurs during this time. This is a time of cutting back and finding a more stable form for your life. It is not a time of growth and expansion. In fact, too much expansion in the past may be the reason for what is happening now. In the future you will have to make plans on a more solid basis so that changes in your life and pressure from circumstances and people cannot interfere so much. This influence is a useful, if not always pleasant, encounter with reality.  

Saturn square Venus: A sense of tension End of October 2011 until end of July 2012: This is a time of considerable tension and difficulty in your relationships. Love relationships often cool off and may even break up altogether during this time. You may discover that a love affair wasn't what you thought it was, a rude awakening after a period of lovely illusions. Or you may suddenly lose interest in a relationship that had seemed perfectly viable up until now. Of course, the other person may be the one who leaves you. Aside from love relationships, there is a sense of tension and a feeling that it is somehow more difficult to relate to people. You may feel that any sort of relationship exists at the cost of your freedom and sense of individuality. Relationships seem to be more trouble than they are worth. Another effect of this influence may be that "circumstances beyond your control" seem to get in the way of an existing relationship and force it to break up, even though neither of you wants this to happen. But this is almost never what is really happening. Usually one of you has a conscious or unconscious need to withdraw from the relationship, and you subtly maneuver circumstances to make it break up. Or you may be testing the relationship to see how much it can take. A good one will survive and be stronger. Every relationship must be an honest expression of yourself. But we often get into relationships that have little to do with our true selves, usually because of fear, a need for security, or a sense of personal inadequacy. Relationships sometimes simply outlive their time, and these are the ones that will suffer and perhaps die now. They are at cross purposes to your pursuit of life and self-expression. Loneliness is a problem at this time, because your need for relationships and your need to be yourself are equally great. Instead of working harmoniously, as they should, they are in conflict. But consciously or unconsciously, the need to be yourself is the greater at this time.
 
Saturn square Saturn: Soul-searching Mid December 2011 until end of September 2012: This is a critical period in which several aspects of your life and experience will be tested, especially those that began to be important about seven years ago. Most often this influence is experienced as a sort of identity crisis in which you begin to question what you are doing. You may suffer a crisis of confidence at this time, fearing that you have made the wrong moves in life or committed yourself to some course of action that will not be good in the long run. During this period you will think about and question all the long-term trends in your life. You will not be thinking about trivial matters. Sometimes a particular event triggers off this period of soul-searching. Others may create difficulties for you, especially in your business or professional area. Perhaps they detect the first signs of insecurity that will afflict you during this period. If they are people who naturally compete with you, they may try to take advantage of your apparent weakness. Employers and other superiors may also sense your feelings of insecurity and wonder whether you are the right person for the job you are doing. You must recognize that some aspects of your life need to be questioned at this time. But don't stand in one spot quivering about your life. Examine it and make whatever changes are possible and seem appropriate. Any project you started seven years ago or any new aspect of yourself that first surfaced then that is truly worth continuing will still be worthwhile after this period. This is a time of testing, and anything that withstands the test will be better for it. Things that do not pass the test are well got rid of. Shortly you will enter a period of stability and fruitfulness that will justify the events that take place now. In fact, if you are truly conscious of your life and your objectives, you will not undergo a real crisis at all. You will only go through a period of examining what is working and what is not. Your difficulties with the outer world at this time are signals about what you should be doing.

transiting Saturn conjunct natal Pluto

In a word: Terrifying!

"To suspect your own mortality is to know the beginning of terror, to learn irrefutably that you are mortal is to know the end of terror." -Frank Herbert

So I can honestly say that I've never been afraid before, at least not before this past weekend. I've studied martial arts. I know how to carry myself. I've lived in more than a few "bad" neighborhoods in my day and although I've certainly felt kinda "sketch" before on more than one occasion I've NEVER BEEN AFRAID! I was somehow armored by my life's purpose or something to that extent.. I've always known it just wasn't my time yet. Period. If it doesn't kill you it will only make you stronger.. so bring it on! Nothing I can't take, right? Well this past Saturday night for the first time in my life I suddenly felt as vulnerable as the runt in a herd of gazelle being stalked by a mountain lion.

I was walking by myself, alone, in heels, all dressed up on my way to Merc to dance just like I have hundreds of times before.. when crossing the street, in heels, I sped up to make the light on time and blow off the guys hootin n hollering at me in a car and I hyper-extended my knee, debilitating me instantly. I played it off halfway down the block but realized then that I was fucked. I immediately sought out a place to get off of it hanging left into the courtyard of the old BofA building on Broadway. I texted JJ to come get me, told him to drive around the back of the building and pick me up in the parking lot.. there I stood in the dark, alone, and defenseless. Suddenly I felt like I was dressed like an hooker on Aurora and radiating "stupid cracked out whore" or "dumb drunk bimbo" like a a neon sign was above my head. Usually even if I am dressed in such a fashion that one could possibly be mistaken.. I'd snicker at the notion knowing anyone who dared judge me as such would soon find himself horribly mistaken! But not then, I was a sitting duck, prime prey for the taking with a beacon calling 'em forth. Utterly Horrifying!!

Luckily JJ was quick but I don't know if I'll ever be quite the same ever since. My knee is still healing and I'm forced to capitalize on other talents than what my legs provide as a stable existence. Sure, I'm creative but when left with nothing but a poker face between me and death I assume I'm as good as dead. Guess I better work on that one. Cards anyone? One-eyed Jack's and.. uh.. deuces wild? Fucked...

sabian symbolism is vivid

The Sabian Symbols are a set of 360 symbolic images associated with the 360 degrees of the zodiacal circle. They were given birth in San Diego, California, in 1925 by Marc Edmund Jones and Elsie Wheeler, an extraordinary clairvoyant. Today, the 360 symbols are widely used in astrology in order to gain a deeper understanding of the influence of a planet located at that degree. (hmm.. interesting! below are the sabian symbols for my own birthchart 2/13/76 info found on www.astrowin.org)

Sun in Aquarius 25
Sabian Symbol: A butterfly struggles to emerge from the chrysalis and it seems that the right wing is more perfectly formed.
Kozminsky Symbol: A victor in a duel with a look of agony breaking his sword over his knee.

Moon in Cancer 28
Sabian Symbol: An American Indian girl, college trained but returned to her people, seeks to win their friendship for her lover.
Kozminsky Symbol: An old mill-wheel lying on the bank of a lily pond, with pretty creepers growing over it.

Mercury in Capricorn 29
Sabian Symbol: Afternoon tea is served in a gypsy parlor patronized by socialites and here a young lady reads the tea leaves.
Kozminsky Symbol: A dismantled fortress in ruins; near-by, an old man sitting on the ground, his back resting against a rock, with a sacred book beside him. His face expresses great sadness.

Venus in Capricorn 23
Sabian Symbol: The army is erect in a long faultless line as resplendent officers confer upon a private two awards for bravery.
Kozminsky Symbol: A dog, holding a bird in his mouth, running across a field of daisies.

Mars in Gemini 18
Sabian Symbol: Standing apart from the passing stream of well-dressed shoppers, two China-men in San Francisco are talking Chinese.
Kozminsky Symbol: An eagle wounded in flight swoops to a mountain ridge, where a brood of young ones rise from the drops of blood.

Jupiter in Aries 22
Sabian Symbol: A handsome grilled gateway opens to the garden of all desired things.
Kozminsky Symbol: A pilgrim crossing himself in front of an ancient temple, an overdressed official and a soldier mocking him.

Saturn in Cancer 28
Sabian Symbol: An American Indian girl, college trained but returned to her people, seeks to win their friendship for her lover.
Kozminsky Symbol: An old mill-wheel lying on the bank of a lily pond, with pretty creepers growing over it.

Uranus in Scorpio 8
Sabian Symbol: A beautiful gem of a lake set high in the mountains is revealed in the silvery bathing light of a full moon.
Kozminsky Symbol: A bundle of papers floating down a dark winding river under a starlit sky.

Neptune in Sagittarius 14
Sabian Symbol: A vast panorama of sand and time is unfolding -- the pyramids and the sphinx in their glory rise before the eye.
Kozminsky Symbol: A human eye surrounded by a circle of flames.

Pluto in Libra 12
Sabian Symbol: A worker's shift is finished and the miners emerge from their grimy hole into daylight and life above ground.
Kozminsky Symbol: A man falling from an insecure and broken bridge into a dark pit below.

Ascendant in Gemini 9
Sabian Symbol: A medieval archer stands with the ease of one wholly sure of himself, bow in hand and quiver filled with arrows.
Kozminsky Symbol: A hand holding a document on which is a crown and royal seal.

MC in Aquarius 20
Sabian Symbol: A large white dove circles about and about overhead and then descends and proves to be a carrier with a message.
Kozminsky Symbol: A quaint old chest standing in an old hall, a large key on the floor before it. Around are pieces of armor and old instruments of music. On the top of the chest is a dog asleep.

by Jove!

My transits next 6 mo:
Uranus trine Moon ~ mid March 2010 until mid February 2011
Saturn conjunction Pluto ~ October 2010 until beginning of August 2011
Pluto sextile Uranus ~ end of January 2011 until end of November 2012
Jupiter opposition Pluto ~ 13 March 2011 until 21 March 2011
Jupiter conjunction Jupiter ~ 23 April 2011 until 1 May 2011
Jupiter square Moon ~ 20 May 2011 until 29 May 2011


Jupiter Return:
This influence indicates the beginning of a new cycle of growth and progress. However, it is often the focus of exaggerated expectations. You may expect sudden windfalls, great wealth or luck, and all kinds of wonderful opportunities. And these things do happen sometimes with this influence, but most people should expect more subtle, but equally useful effects.

Events now, such as meetings with persons or even changes in your psyche, open the way for you to become wiser and more mature and to have a broader understanding of the world. At this time you will reach out consciously and unconsciously and ask more of the world, but at the same time you are willing to give more to the world.

This influence can make you feel either more demanding or more giving toward others, but you are not likely to get much out of it if you think only of what you can get. The law of conservation of energy in the universe says that you can transform the energies in your life from one form to another, but you cannot create them out of nothing. This influence represents a time when you should see whether you are doing that in your life.

Concretely, you can expect persons who are good for you to come into your life. Or circumstances will arise that give you increased freedom or an opportunity to do something that you have never done before. Educational opportunities may come to you at this time, or a chance to travel. Sometimes this influence does in fact bring about financial advantage, but you should not sit around passively waiting for it to happen. This is an excellent time to invest or expand in business as long as you are very careful not to overdo it or overextend yourself.

info from www.astro.com

life on mars

Personal Daily Horoscope - Astrodienst

I dreamed this morning that I was helping my new soon to be domestic partner (fictional) move in when the axle on his truck broke and the trailer came unhitched and collided w/the front of my building shattering glass.. We went in for a little bit to get a number, make a call etc. then someone knocked on the door and said to get out, now! Then I watched from the street along with other single neighbors spread out around me as the whole building collapsed 9/11 style dropping to our knees and letting out wails to various degrees according to our attachments to our belongings and our willingness to accept life altering.. I let go of everything trusting the universe to embrace me but my kitty is my responsibility, my familiar so I ran towards it to see if I could get her to come to the window as the ground level gave way to the debris on top of it and cave in...

Horrifying! and perplexing! without the astrological reference explained in the link above!! ASTROLOGY MAKES SENSE OF THE MYSTERIES, FOLKS ;) I'd truly be baffled without it, indeed. Today Mars in my 4th house & the Moon is conjunct my natal Neptune which is opposed to Mars near my rising = emo dreams about home.. Dreams are symbolic sketches of the psyche and is astrology is the language of these symbols as our psyche adapts to the perpetually changing environment it exists in constantly...

So yay.. On with my day ~ AMDEF! I'd almost rather die than go to Heaven but I must express my disdain on stage, I guess.. so I will! It's gonna be epic.. always! everyday! to entertain the masses & be a catalyst for scientific illumination of the human race aka joy!

peace,
 Asraiya

there's a crack in the vault of heaven

Astrologers can manipulate time?!?! 

Nah, but Alexander perhaps... (?!) .. This guy's just an idiot like all the rest of shepherds who are blinder than the flock they think is following their directions instead of itself:

The difference between Sidereal Astrology and Tropical has NOTHING to do with the SEASONS.. It doesn't matter whether it's Spring or Fall when the Sun enters Aries anymore than it matters whether it's day or night.. the Sun is still in Aries whether it's too bright to see its neighboring stars. The major difference between Tropical and Sidereal Astrology is whether you follow the calendar like it's a road map of the intergalactic freeway and cruise control is effective OR whether you navigate sea of space by the stars still!!! See just like the planet tilts 60 degrees as it revolves around the sun each year our whole solar system does as well while it revolves around the galactic center.. it's called a wobble yeah? Well guess what you'd find out if you pulled out a boat transit and looked at the constellation maps?? THE CALENDER IS OFF BY 23 DEGREES!!! So.. now ya understand why we're breaking so many weather records this year!? How long have we been keeping record of the weather anyhow hmm?! About 2300 years or so perhaps? So there's @1 degree variation every hundred years or so and/or not 365 days a year. Wonder what else we haven't been bothering to pay attention to......  Sheep. Bah!

http://www.lunarplanner.com/siderealastrology.html

Star Crossed Lovers

I'm astro-geeking again...

See I'm more or less completely astrologically fucked when it comes to love! I just went through a quick comparison of my synastry chart with each of the ex's and/or temporary lovers that I've collected on my astro.com account.. Unbelievable how many similarities jumped out at me!! 3 or them had composite Sun in the 12th!? 3 had Venus in the 2nd and 2 Venus in the 8th but see that's not necessarily a good thing at all with me because my Venus is conjunct Merc and opposite my Moon and Saturn... All of them were either Aries or Scorpio rising w/one exception. 2 Moons in Taurus, 2 in Cancer, then of course 2-4 Scorpio, heh. All except for one are pretty damn incompatible with me and he is now happily married w/children.. yay :( I go drink now....

my Kabbalah Astrology

Characteristics Of Sphere (Sephiroth) And Their Attributes-

Netzach
Netzach occupies the 7th position in the Tree of Life and it is the sphere that is associated with victory. Netzach represents our inner feelings, our emotions and our sentiments. It reveals our heart felt desires, needs and requirements. The sephira reflects some of the practical aspects of human life and is ruled over by the Guardian angel Haniel. Speaking from an astrological perspective, the position occupied by the Netzach is ruled over by the planet Venus which in turn reflects those things to which we get attracted. The energy of Netzach can be used in analyzing our pleasure and positive aspects of life.

About Your Archangel
Haniel is the angel representing the month of December. Haniel is also known as the 'Angel of Harmonious Love'. This angel of December is generally seen in a green emerald dress with large gray wings carrying a brown lantern. The angel of love, harmony and romance, Haniel brings about peace, balance, beauty, grace and romanticism in our love life. This is the angel who helps us to be kind, compassionate and gentle in all our thoughts, activities and affairs.

Sphere Sign: Netzach

Position In Tree Of Life: 7th

Planetary Ruler: Venus

Archangel: Haniel

Lucky Day: Friday

Color: Green

Wood: Myrtle

Keyword: Victory, Endurance, Prophecy, Eternity

Metal: Copper

Yesod
Yesod occupies the 9th position in the Tree of Life and it is the sphere that is associated with foundation. Yesod represents the collective soul of mankind. The sephira provides an insight into ourselves and also our life patterns as it reflects our inner thoughts, heart desires, secrets, hopes, fears and apprehensions and is ruled over by the archangel Gabriel. Speaking from an astrological perspective, the position occupied by the Yesod is ruled over by the Sun which in turn reflects our relationship with everybody around us and the way we communicate with others. The energy of Yesod can be used to determine the ways of reacting to the several events of life.

About Your Archangel
The name Gabriel means the 'messenger of God'. Gabriel is the saint who is said to possess feminine power and as per the Bible God wanted her - Gabriel, to be the mother of his son - Jesus. This saint with a wise spirit lends us warmth during the winter season. Ruled by this saint, you are bound to become an actor, reporter, model, singer, musician or journalist. Anything that involves a spiritual dint will attract you and you are very straightforward in expressing your needs and desires. Gabriel acts as the friend, philosopher and guide by giving information on upcoming events, opportunities and changes.

Sphere Sign: Yesod

Position In Tree Of Life: 9th

Planetary Ruler: Moon

Archangel: Gabriel

Lucky Day: Monday

Color: Gray or Silver

Wood: Willow

Keyword: Foundation, Passion, Truth

Metal: Silver

Characteristics Of Path And Its Attributes

Hebrew Letter: Tzaddi, which means hook.

Location: Connecting path between Netzach and Yesod

Tarot Correspondence: The Star

Corresponding Planet: Uranus / Saturn

Yetsiratic Attribution: Constituting Intelligence

Color: Red

Element: Earth

More About Your Sun Sign-

Path Associated With Your Sun Sign: Path Of Tzaddi

Path Of Tzaddi
This is the path of righteousness. It is the path that is mostly followed by givers, bearers, altruists and all those people who selflessly sacrifices the vital things of their life for the others. People following this path are always a grave and serious. The innovators, rebels and geniuses, who always strive to attain the new things of life, find their strength and passion here.

Aquarius
You are a thinker, philosopher and an idealist. You have an even nature with a clear and sound mind. You are jolly and charming. You may not be very forthcoming with your feelings towards other people. Friendship means the world to you. You work well in groups. You have a deep interest in the psychic and occult sciences. You strive to do a lot for the mankind, given your planets favor you. You are diplomatic and can get your views across without hurting anyone. You are sociable and talkative and good company. You are quick witted with a very good sense of humor. You make friends easily and have no trouble keeping them.

Pluto = Kether

Your result for What Planet are You From? Test...

You are from Pluto!

33% Pluto

Well, well.  So you are from Pluto, eh?  I’m not surprised at all. 

Pluto was once considered to be a cold and distant planet and the furthest away from the sun.  Now it is one of the dwarf planets in our solar system.  It was discovered in 1930, and has been quite an enigma.

It’s named after the Roman god Pluto who was originally the god of metals and then also took on the role of god of the underworld.  He had a way of digging things up and bringing them out to the open.  If he was an alien on the planet I’m sure he became quite popular and perhaps even a little bit scary.

But what does this mean about you? 

Well, first off it means that you don’t like secrets.  You will dig until you get to the truth, even if it means that you have to stir things up a bit in order to do it.  You would probably make a great detective.  You tend to notice things around you.

You have a life altering personality about you.  If things aren’t going well you have no trouble pulling out what you think is bad and rebuilding.  You could probably go somewhere totally new and be able to make a new life for yourself without the same problems other people might have.  You have a strong will and are very motivated.

My only hope is that you don’t try to take over the world.  It would never be the same again.  But, on the other hand, maybe that’s not such a bad thing after all.

Take What Planet are You From? Test at OkCupid

the Wounded Healer

I'm still in the middle of an intense process right now due mainly to the meeting/or reunion (from a prior life I'm assuming since his cycle is @50 years) with a long lost old friend, Chiron, the wounded healer. Just when I thought all the old karma from years worth of abuse as a woman who's walked the Earth the past 200+ years was finally done.. salt was poured on all the wounds I had ignored for the sake of progression/evolution/enlightenment but on the contrary.. my Work has just begun despite the fact I thought the deal was if I could only get them to move then I too could go with them! Nope. It's just like the dream I had about the Golden Gate Bridge on 1/3/2000 I will get left behind in a less than a heartbeat because No One cares about me but Me. I put all my eggs in one basket because I truly believed that if I would do anything for someone then they would in turn eventually be willing to anything for me especially once they see how damaged I've gotten to be.. it's the Golden Rule, right?! Yeah well that yellow bricked road leads you straight to hell paved with your good intentions.. I entirely put my personal needs/desires/dreams completely on the back burner this life because I wanted to getter done! Once and for all! So I not only have never been anywhere near a state of emotional fulfillment, nor even content for more than fleeting moments.. but I'm now left alone to fight for my own soul! ABANDONMENT is my fate for all the love I've shown!! I can't heal if Nobody cares but you did because I never faltered! Why won't you just rape me and beat me to a bloody pulp instead? PLEASE just don't walk away! Show me I at least make you passionate even if it's abuse.. I forgive you! Yes I am that AMAZING! What you didn't notice how much I persevered to still be here? That doesn't make you love me? I can't even fathom your contempt suddenly.. What did I do to deserve this? Why am I still being punished? Well since you actually still reading this whoever you are if you only will read all of it and consider for one single moment pouring your heart out until it's an empty grail and finding nothing there to drink and I offered you my blood, every single last drop.. Would you take it? For all that it's worth? All the power in the world could never stop my love though I've been ripped into pieces on the wheel of fortune.. but to love me is better than all things or condemned, it's no matter, not one particle of dust...... Back to my astrology transits in case there's someone who cares, it is time. Do what thou wilt:

** Chiron Conjunction Sun, activity period from beginning of March 2009 until beginning of February 2010 - Come out of your shell ***

Valid during many months: During this time a particular sore point of yours is disturbed, a sensitivity or vulnerability that you may not be aware of, as this wound is part of your being. It was probably inflicted a long time ago, in your early childhood, and all that remains today is a scar - a certain vulnerability or injury.

So it may well be that you do not really notice anything when your old wound is disturbed, as you react to this as you have perhaps always reacted to such situations: You are distressed, hurt, you distance yourself and forget the incident as quickly as possible.

This can occur during conversations with friends, when together with your partner, or during exchanges with your colleagues at work. Nobody wants to do you any harm, you know that perfectly well; the hurt takes place unintentionally, and probably your counterpart notices nothing because you hide your feelings well.

If you do not react by withdrawing as you usually do, but instead show that you have been hurt, you will be forced to explain some things in more detail - not just to your counterpart but also to yourself. In that case you can use this incident as a key to a hidden or forgotten earlier painful experience. This will hardly reduce your pain, but will give you the freedom to behave differently in this, for you, typical situation. If you are more open and understanding about your own hurt, others will understand you better in future.

That is, of course, easier said than done, as this sore point is presently very deeply situated. But this moment in time offers you an outstanding opportunity to stand far enough outside yourself to show your hurt. If you recognize the situation in question and react to it, you will win new strength and confidence.



** Chiron Sextile Chiron, activity period from middle of March 2009 until beginning of February 2010 - Sensitive to moods ***

Valid during many months: You are now unusually sensitive and vulnerable, which could make other people's moods affect you directly. This will make you particularly considerate, helping you to avoid misunderstanding or inadvertently hurting others. Your present condition might be the result of someone unintentionally hurting you by touching on a sensitive issue. This influence indicates that you will become conscious again of pain which you have been carrying for a long time. A wrong word or a joke that backfires can trigger the memory of painful past events which made you feel ashamed or inadequate, often with regard to your own body, particularly with matters related to sexuality. During this time you should pay more attention to such unpleasant memories and not try to push them aside.

Whether your old wounds are physical or psychological, by paying more attention to them you have the opportunity to develop a new relationship to the physical side of your nature. Talking openly to someone you can trust may help. Sport or any other kind of physical activity could now have an additional inner meaning for you. Whatever happens, your heightened preoccupation with the dichotomies of mind and body, intellect and instinct, culture and nature, will turn out to be very rewarding.



** Neptune Sextile Chiron, activity period from end of March 2008 until end of January 2010 - Flights of fancy ***

Valid during many months: This rather subtle influence particularly helps those who, whether in their private or public lives, are confronted with the physical or psychological suffering of others. This can at times allow profound insights into those metaphysical dimensions which usually remain closed to the conscious mind, and which indicate that all suffering is subject to certain principles. You are now less concerned with your daily achievements than with understanding the meaning behind them.

If you are suffering in any way, wholistic remedies or forms of therapy are far more likely to help you than any treatment which merely tries to fight the symptoms. You may learn that someone you know has been greatly helped by homeopathic treatment, or that yoga has eased their back trouble. Help and relief are now likely to come in the form of subtle hints or things mentioned in passing - if you don't overhear them.

This influence could make you feel more relaxed and confident, particularly if you have gone through a testing time recently. If you have to deal with situations which are both challenging and difficult you will now find it easier to take time out or withdraw. You could treat yourself to more short breaks, or spend more time in natural surroundings. You might also discover creative talents such as painting, writing or music which could help you to find new strength. You will now have better access to your world of inner images and imagination, and inner affirmation and dream journeys could lead to healing experiences.

Love is the law, love under will.