suffer

Did I abandon all my children in a past life? Banish them from the kingdom for just being who they are.. Who did I ignore? Who did I neglect? Did I not show love or ostracize everyone I ever came into contact with? Did I alienated someone to the point that they completely gave up all while rubbing it in their face how happy I was?

This life is too hard.. it seems I only came to suffer. 

Alone. 

pluto square pluto, uranus opposition pluto, chiron square neptune... sun in gemini, moon in leo

Aum Ha

 "He wrote to her...
Much of what you believe to be True is Not... much of what brings you pleasure in Truth is Not.... when tenderness and sweetness enter your heart, sorrow and death sleep in your bed... as such is the world of Samsara in which you are trapped. All fleeting loves are subservient to that permanent Love of All. That which brings us joy is but a mask of sorrow... which hides our shame from ourselves."

 ~ Roberto Flores

rent rage

  Getting ready to move out of my dream apartment tomorrow to a slightly more affordable one I will be living in with the blessed assistance of my parents (yes, I'm extremely lucky to have financial help). I've lived here at my current residence for 8 years now and I'm sad to leave. In 2004, when I first moved in, rent was $650 a mo. Let's say hypothetical, which is close to the truth as I was waiting tables at the time 5 days a week getting tips but closer to 30 hours than 40.. I was making the Wa state min wage of $7.16 an hour x 40 x 4 = $1146 a mo so rent of $650 was a tiny bit lush but completely doable. My rent has now skyrocketed to a whopping $1450 a mo! So let's say, once again hypothetical, if I were still employed in that same career or min wage range as many of the 99% are I would be making the new 2012 Wa state min wage of $9.04 an hour x 40 x 4 = $1446 a mo or $4 shy of any chance to actually pay my rent. So while my rent has increased a total of $800 a mo in 8 years my salary has only increased by $300 a mo. Now we can add in the rising price of food and gas or bus fares if we'd like to but you see the point.. There's a major problem happening in this country that not only affects the middle class but practically eradicates the lower class into a permanent state of homelessness or death!

quest for contentment

  I realized I tend to fall into a slight slump of depression when days, like today, I texted my latest man crush and hours later still received no response. In my latest pursuits of practicing yoga (not just asana but also pranayama, the yamas, and niyamas, pratyahara, dharana, dyana, and samadhi) this attachment is no longer acceptable to me. In meditation it is possible to locate the original experience of something, it's seed if you will, and observe the austerity of it thereby eradicate it or liberate yourself from it once and for all. So I sat down in meditation and tried to get to the root of that sense of need to be exclusively special to someone other than me. I traced it all the way back through my life and discovered it's deeply located in the womb and even before conception there was the calling, the sense of being wanted and needed to incarnate for higher purpose.. This exercise I suppose can be labeled "FAIL"



  

rebound relationships..

what do you really expect them to be? nothing shy of short, fast, and furious? no, not really...

*sigh


sipping champagne to celebrate crash and burning again. anyway....