Freelance Nightmares

So supposedly we have a new world order in the job market and methods of seeking income in trade for your skills and services. Sure, I have been a "private contractor" for awhile now getting hired to be a performer at parties or provide entertainment services or working as a brand ambassador or hired by temp agencies. This has been all fine and dandy however when I started a few weeks ago looking to supplement this meager income that's earned me no more than $10 grand a year EVER so that I might actually break out of mere starving artist status, IT HAS BEEN A FREAKING NIGHTMARE!!!

First of all there's tons of bloggers out there who live off of affiliate income and will affiliate with anyone. It's actually a lot easier and likely more profitable to just sign up as an affiliate and start recommending and funneling traffic towards a website from the millions of desperately seeking searchers online just like myself. Just because a blogger (or writer/reporter since there's no difference between news and "news") says that something pays people for doing things certainly does not mean it will nor that the blogger tested that aspect before saying it. So far from my experiences the majority that do actually pay you, only pay you pennies or are completely flooded with decently skilled workers living in India where pennies may work out to be of some actual value in currency exchange. In America where even the lowest minimum wages are $5 an hour which is still not anywhere close to substantial compared to cost of living, these are scams! Slavery has been abolished already...

I'm going to start blogging about each and every experience so that if you are like me then perhaps I can serve you with a warning to avoid them! None of us like wasting our time. 

Stress kills and this overwhelming feeling I get every day that passes me by that I have not achieved my goal of simply having more money coming in than going out of my bank account is not improving.

scam #1: Spare5

This one was recommended in a book I found on Amazon called Active Income Streams and as you can see after a good long hard evening I have earned myself 61 cents.

scam #2: Freelancer.com

Now this one I found surprising! I used this site to hire some Indian graphic designers and bought my logo, some posters, and other really cool designs from people before so I when I decided to give it a shot and turn the tables from being a cheap American starving artist/business owner to an "okay I'm really fucking starving now" freelancer willing to do just about anything for work it was not so pleasant. I got hit up to be a webcam girl aka "special chat friend ;)" on skype for $250 and #suckit I mean #shutup when I hit accept figuring that every hiring person would be as kind as I was when I offered to pay the runners up in my logo contest consolation prizes.. so nothing bad could happen if we just discussed stuff in sorta person, right? Wrong. I immediately received a notification from paypal that I PAID FREELANCER -$25!? Yup. Apparently they just go right on ahead and collect their 10% commission on your future to be completed and then approved and then transferred and hopefully released to you income!! Get this too ~ an employer can delete a job listing/offer for $5 so in theory you could potentially do the work or chat porn thing and then go to collect your completed payment and it's long gone leaving you with nothing to even try to dispute that you are owed. Omfg, and no.. this did not happen to me because I was already freaking out about my lunch money being gone to pick up my skype calls. I'm just sick that I'm going backwards and decided to quit for the night and write a blog instead.

PS. There's no affiliate codes in this blog entry but I think there's ads on my blog that have earned me a grand total of maybe 40 cents in the time it's existed so don't click em if you don't want me to get a fraction of a penny from google or amazon. Cheers ~

Defining Fringe Theater or Art in General

When my insomnia turns or decides to try and be productive and DO something, this is what happens: 

All while trying to write a new business description for Heartsinpyre Entertainment, I wondered if "fringe" might be a good new buzz word #hashtag to describe our services since we are not a big top circus, nor theater company, nor catering service... but now I'm considering re-writing or writing an edit for the wikipedia article for "fringe theatre" because the one I found that currently exists is completely biased sounding and vastly incorrect to the best of my own personal knowledge, understanding, and experience which of course could be incorrect...?

From what I understand, using the term "fringe" to describe any artist, artistic form or format (theater, film, dance, sculpture, etc), art piece/product/ production or event and even when including a collection such work (fringe festival) means it is anything adding to the periphery of mainstream. The term is reserved for works inspired by a form but not held to that form in every aspect of it's traditionally known restraints in that of structure, staging, content, creation, character, flow, format or follow through, dialogue or delivery, principle or purpose, and particularly that of participating entities be they part of the contributing body or audience receiving in terms of role, idea, education, expression, compensation, and level of experience. Fringe theater can be all plot, and no story line.. Waiting for Godot fits this precisely. Or fringe theater may lack a script, a stage, a character, a cause, a concept, or purpose which doesn't mean it is less than what was meant by it. Lacking safe solid traditional structure does not automatically mean it was produced by bad artists, or strictly amateurs, nor under funded companies, nor poorly screened art collectives. The writer or the found wiki page seems to think "fringe theatre" is like "community theatre" only without auditions so anybody can play a role and get paid even less for doing it which of course is possible in theater it's called a "stipend".

In short "fringe" is anything on the outskirts of mainstream. 

It's not the main freeway but a contributory stream. It's not opening on Broadway, but it is musical theater in a box with an imaginary 4th wall or people may not sing at all because that's realistic which may or may not add or subtract to its entertainment value and fanatical or financial success or sudden death. Just think once upon a time some crazy person thought what if we miniaturized the *theatre stage and multiplied them into take home mini-boxes. Yup, television was fringe once and it had nothing to do with budget limits, bad writing, bad plots, bad concepts that fail to congeal or turn into mush we call abstract art. Not by a long shot! It was just fringe entertainment possibilities outside the realm of mainstream theatre that didn't stick to a traditional theatre format when it changed mediums because it evolved. Radio, however didn't change story telling from single read novels or playwright read scripts. Honestly the writer of the subject wiki link seems to only think in terms of "festivals" which makes me believe they're an amateur film director instead of having anything to do with theatre or else they're a union grip. My reason for this is personal experience with trying to write/direct/and stage my own production and coming to the conclusion that it's impossible to get an art grant unless you're already rich enough to not need it and bored enough to start your own non-profit to pool your wealth into exorbitant corporate shaped systems where you develop volunteer programs to save you money on paying artist so you can employ a herd of non-acting union workers because you think in terms of building railway lines and not in connecting people with art. Employees of bureaucracies seem to focus solely on finding it in their budget to hire an assistant to their work for them which was given to them by their superior who was never assigned to do anything for the City but the budget of the department. How many people does it require to comprise of an art festival jury or to determine the winner of an annual grant? Why do I get a weekly newsletter about non-profit art organizations that only issue one grant per year but constantly announce new program titles and administrative hires to over see them which typically requires them to hire a social media intern, marketing assistant, blah blah blah.. communications specialist to write a new newsletter about all the meetings and conventions they are having for admins to talk about more hashtag catch phrases and niche minority demographics to branch into or specialize.

I've never known a theatre festival nor a film festival that was produced for picking winners or casting best of award placards. Is this norm or am I truly just that fringe of a human with a fringe career in art? I've yet to mention fringe science but there's a whole show on the subject with an IMDB and everything so #suckit

*pss.. when I use re instead or er for theater it means I'm referring to stagecraft opposed to cinema. example: Shakespeare is theatre, Spielberg makes movies for a silver screen that's hung in a theater.. usually I tend to not be pretentious and admit I'm American, not European but on rare occasions when it becomes necessary I instantly revert for distinction, as do all those who have been trained in acting or get paid to deal with actors

Got to have Faith

  My transiting aspects of astrology is almost impossible to interpret without advanced knowledge + skill and even then the experts will have to spend quite a bit of time in contemplation to fully grok it and be able to explain to me what's going on. My dear friend, Austin Coppock, was at a loss when I was freaking out with irrational bouts of anxiety from the triple conjunction (Neptune, Jupiter, Chiron) sitting precisely on top of my Sun sign while my in my Probationer year which written instructions had me practicing Resh. To his credit all the expert astrologers were still struggling to explain the newly discovered Chiron and how that triple conjunction was effecting the population in general, much less someone who was personally activating her highest powers with it in precise alignment. Jupiter in Aires is the strongest aspect in my chart. Well, some would say my moon in Cancer but I say that there's nothing strengthening about having your Moon precisely conjunct Saturn and opposite Venus. I have a double T-square or conjunct T-square.. don't think there's a name for it because I doubt it's common enough. So any would be computer generated horoscope interpretation is never quite correct because it fails to consider all the oppositions causing things to cancel each other out or be way more significant or just different and almost unexplainable. Complicated is a word that maybe scratches the surface. I'm use to knowing things without an explanation for why or how. I know something AMAZING IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

Jupiter Square Venus 0.33 -109

Jupiter Opposition Jupiter 0.34 -187

Saturn Trine Jupiter 0.55 80

Uranus Conjunction Jupiter 0.38 300

  

  I feel really strange! Oddest sensation EVER is your heart on fire with a rush of chills from head to toe simultaneously. Thought maybe I was hungry but couldn't feel my stomach for swooning. Ate and nah, still there. It's like a half asleep in the clouds while half perfectly grounded and yes, I meditated a little while ago and drop cords so that's not it either. It's magnetism. That's what it is and I don't care to explain because someone else is on the other end so I am not alone anymore and won't be for a very long time from now but time isn't relative in the here and after. I am blessed, oh so blessed... <3 namaste="" p="">

Surrounded by Angry Ghosts

It's one thing to ignore the person who only texts late when they're drunk & horny and never early to invite you to drink.. but this ghosting thing is so hurtful, disrespectful, and damaging!! After spending a significant amount of time with a person and by that I mean simply more than one occasion, it's simply not okay to quit people like they're a job you think hasn't paid enough or you got a better offer so skip out without telling them you believe you're worth more. People who care about you will worry that you're hurt or in trouble!! People who care about you deserve a conversation; an opportunity to make a counter offer to show they appreciate you more than you thought, or to change the current state of affairs to a new understanding, a compromise if you will that acknowledges the fact that they are a person who you shared a bond with that needs to change for your own happiness but perhaps the bond will turn into a sustainable friendship in the long run instead of a disconnecting slash to an wounded and covered in blood kind person who did nothing wrong but try to find a connection.

People can change, y'all. If we keep severing each other for having a bad day and feeling week and needy while someone else exudes sexy confidence that day and we can't feel both at once so cut the lesser out.. we'll all have absolutely no one and all be so sensitive and slaughtered that no one will ever accept us because the effect is cumulative and none of us deserved to be abandoned for wanting love!!!

My Special Selfie is really actually Steiner

This was suppose to be a "self summary" on a singles site that I registered on while doing business research for an event idea I'm thinking of producing next month.. but as you can read apparently I am the reincarnation of Rudolph Steiner:

Oh dear, what can I say? I'm really special! 

Before you go deciding that I must be a total narcissist from that, maybe I meant "special" as in "special ed" or "special olympics"? Indeed, I did ride the short bus for special people in elementary school once a week to be in the program where we did brain teaser puzzles to challenge us since long division wasn't enough. Actually I suck at abstract notions as numbers greater than the amount of dollars I will ever need to manage to spend (not a lot at all..) but I am hyper aware of more real but less substantiated subjects as the collective human subconscious. This is where I aim to effect change through my art and what I am is truly an artist who relentlessly strives to (not starve) fulfill my destiny as a member of the circus of the sun!

Now just wtf do I mean by that exactly? A lot of things both physically real and ethereally pre-ordained. Now is when I start to sound really special! If you can not fathom a universe where both a God (actually most likely a Goddess since we are made in her image and she gave birth to the world) and a scientific beginning big bang simultaneously co-exist then you might as well stop right here. I don't enjoy playing the jester as words are so very faulty when it comes to truth defined to have a meaning or a means to offend and humans are so horribly designed to be judgmental as a survival instinct gone horribly wrong and mass misperception given way to monumentally mad convictions. Our brains are programmed to make an initial short as in 3-5 second assessment and then categorize as yes or no, safe or danger, friend or foe. Nothing closes the door to our infinitely more advanced brainwave capabilities quicker than our preconceived notions like who instantly deemed me an arrogant narcissist, or "special" was offensive even though it wasn't "retarded", then I admitted that my high IQ is a social hindrance, now I'm attempting to define a higher consciousness to whom I gave my life in service yet I'm sure many a Christian male tuned out at mention of "goddess" assuming I'm one of those feminists or pagan demoness. It's true. I am both but it doesn't take much intelligence to understand the deity know as God simply can not be omnipotent and labeled with a limit like gender. Also She/theM said "let there be light" ~ BANG!!!

That my most humbly open minded, dear reader, is a fact we know in our hearts. Every time it beats we feel it course through us as we our manifestations of that one light. So I am cursed to walk this earth with a torch seeking to shine into the dark recesses of human ignorance and unconsciousness and worse, intentional attempts to disconnect from the source and instead consume it. The black monster of the abyss is real in all it's myths except for the one about Lucifer but we won't get into that other than I'll leave you with the fact that Lucifer means "bringer of Light"* My notion is more readily described by Steiner in chapter 21 of The Theory of Knowledge Implicit in Goethe's World Conception:

"The object must be lifted entirely out of the sphere of chance and transferred into that of necessity. Nothing must remain in the artistically beautiful upon which the artist has not impressed his spirit. The what must be conquered by the how. The overcoming of the sense-perceptible by the spirit is the goal of art and science. Science overcomes the sense perceptible by dissolving it entirely into spirit; art does so by implanting spirit into the sense-perceptible."

💪💫😏💁💥💨

*reference ~ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucifer