Oct 6, 2010
I've become digitally numb
How often have you gone back and reread something you wrote and discovered while trying to edit it to make more sense, at least you thought.. but you actually left a cut/pasted section somewhere that trails into nowhere smack in the middle of a cohesive train of thought? I do it a lot! Of course I'm not that worried about it because I assume no one's judging me as incompetent for the flaw. It's obvious what happened and nobody whatsoever actually thinks I typed the sentence that way intentionally or my brain unraveled momentarily and I failed to realize I had an incoherent/incomplete thought but probably I overly thought it and got caught up in the small stuff, details, words that is, or tense (as in past tense, present etc), person/perspective which I'm apt to do I admit. I like to laugh it off and joke that I can be OCD about things sometimes.. another one that I often use just like all of you who scour the internet do too is "ooh.. shiny" or ADHD. Sometimes I'll even complain about anxiety and often I am certain that I have fallen into a state of depression. Why? Because I can never live up to all the expectations I have for me! I can't even keep up with all the emails I'm expected to read/reply on top of the texts/calls/comments etc. I can't even seem to finish writing a blog, get off the computer, shower, and get out the door to go do something like I want or intend to half the time because there's a million things in between distracting me and I seem to think they're all necessary for my attention to drift to momentarily because my mind is a bottomless pit like a stomach that can continuously digest information and only become more stimulated and strengthened in the process... IT'S NOT TRUE! NONE OF IT IS TRUE! IT'S NOT FUNNY TO HAVE A PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDER! IT'S NOT OKAY BEING LATE ALL THE TIME! AND I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I'M ISOLATED TO THE EXTENT THAT MY BODY SUSPECTS IT'S ARMAGEDDON FOR REAL AND MIGHT IMPREGNATE ME HERMAPHRODITICALLY IF THE ONE PERSON AROUND ME IN PERSON WASN'T MY BF whoops, didn't mean to scream that. heh. sorry. um. here watch this: http://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/Frontline-Digital-Nation/70131661?trkid=1211018 seriously something to think about! if you have time and can focus long enough that is? I couldn't. had to go write a blog instead. fuck. that really sucks I think.. ooh! look ~ shiny!
Whenever I reflect upon my short comings, paranoid thinking due to incidents of abuse in my formative years that shattered my trust, and the...