I've become digitally numb

How often have you gone back and reread something you wrote and discovered while trying to edit it to make more sense, at least you thought.. but you actually left a cut/pasted section somewhere that trails into nowhere smack in the middle of a cohesive train of thought? I do it a lot! Of course I'm not that worried about it because I assume no one's judging me as incompetent for the flaw. It's obvious what happened and nobody whatsoever actually thinks I typed the sentence that way intentionally or my brain unraveled momentarily and I failed to realize I had an incoherent/incomplete thought but probably I overly thought it and got caught up in the small stuff, details, words that is, or tense (as in past tense, present etc), person/perspective which I'm apt to do I admit. I like to laugh it off and joke that I can be OCD about things sometimes.. another one that I often use just like all of you who scour the internet do too is "ooh.. shiny" or ADHD. Sometimes I'll even complain about anxiety and often I am certain that I have fallen into a state of depression. Why? Because I can never live up to all the expectations I have for me! I can't even keep up with all the emails I'm expected to read/reply on top of the texts/calls/comments etc. I can't even seem to finish writing a blog, get off the computer, shower, and get out the door to go do something like I want or intend to half the time because there's a million things in between distracting me and I seem to think they're all necessary for my attention to drift to momentarily because my mind is a bottomless pit like a stomach that can continuously digest information and only become more stimulated and strengthened in the process... IT'S NOT TRUE! NONE OF IT IS TRUE! IT'S NOT FUNNY TO HAVE A PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDER! IT'S NOT OKAY BEING LATE ALL THE TIME! AND I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I'M ISOLATED TO THE EXTENT THAT MY BODY SUSPECTS IT'S ARMAGEDDON FOR REAL AND MIGHT IMPREGNATE ME HERMAPHRODITICALLY IF THE ONE PERSON AROUND ME IN PERSON WASN'T MY BF whoops, didn't mean to scream that. heh. sorry. um. here watch this: http://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/Frontline-Digital-Nation/70131661?trkid=1211018 seriously something to think about! if you have time and can focus long enough that is? I couldn't. had to go write a blog instead. fuck. that really sucks I think.. ooh! look ~ shiny!

First Gift - Ancestry

According to Plato in "The Myth of Er" the first gift is a person's spirit is allowed to choose the setting/conditions of one's incarnation that might best allow him to be able to learn/discern between good and evil. The Egyptians believed though one's soul may go on after death his Ka, daimon, or essence never dissipates but stays here on Earth and is assimilated into the collective unconscious in some parts known as the genii. In ancient Rome it was believed that the genii resides within the ancestral bloodlines which is why each clan had a coat of arms showing the unique features of 'the family genius'.  As a magician/student of the A.'.A.'.  I'm finally finishing up my old Probationer homework here as referred to in Cornelia No. 6 so off I go on my ancestral voyage for you to yawn at like I did to C93 until you're ready for your own journey or whatever you will...




The story of this remarkable and durable clan goes back to the tenth century when a chieftain held a fortress in the Jura Mountains, and continues to the 1600's when descendants were forced to flee across Europe to avoid martyrdom for Calvinist beliefs. The succeeding flight to America brought new adventures, a unique form of government, treaties with the Indians, and at last refuge in a tiny settlement on the banks of the Wallkill River in the shadow of the Shawangunks.

The Huguenot Cross

One of the oldest streets in America with several of the original houses of twelve seventeenth century Huguenot refugees from religious persecution in Europe was designated a National Historic Landmark in 1964. The Historic Landmark is located in the middle Hudson valley in the town of New Paltz, New York. Two of the twelve Huguenot refugees were Christian Deyo and his son Pierre. Pierre built the first stone House on Huguenot Street in 1692 and it stood for 200 years in the rural Flemish Style of all the Patentee abodes until it was remodeled into a Victorian mansion in 1894.
 

More to come of the older world...

ambiguous sabbatical

what is internally wield exponentially and
wrought by infinitude of sole intensity will be
wrung of ubiquitous uncertainty so to be seen 
when reeled from the myriad of misery
wells an eternal soluble mystery...

But we speak the wisdom of Eloah
in a mystery that was hidden
And [that] Eloah had before separated
from before the ages for our glory.
That not one of the authorities of this world knew,
for if they had known it,
they would not have crucified the Adon of glory.
But as it is written:
The eye has not seen, and the ear has not heard,
and into the heart of a son of man has not entered
that which Eloah had prepared for those who love Him.
(1Cor. 2:7-9 HRV)

"Life is understood backwards, but must be lived forwards." -Kierkegaarde

life on mars

Personal Daily Horoscope - Astrodienst

I dreamed this morning that I was helping my new soon to be domestic partner (fictional) move in when the axle on his truck broke and the trailer came unhitched and collided w/the front of my building shattering glass.. We went in for a little bit to get a number, make a call etc. then someone knocked on the door and said to get out, now! Then I watched from the street along with other single neighbors spread out around me as the whole building collapsed 9/11 style dropping to our knees and letting out wails to various degrees according to our attachments to our belongings and our willingness to accept life altering.. I let go of everything trusting the universe to embrace me but my kitty is my responsibility, my familiar so I ran towards it to see if I could get her to come to the window as the ground level gave way to the debris on top of it and cave in...

Horrifying! and perplexing! without the astrological reference explained in the link above!! ASTROLOGY MAKES SENSE OF THE MYSTERIES, FOLKS ;) I'd truly be baffled without it, indeed. Today Mars in my 4th house & the Moon is conjunct my natal Neptune which is opposed to Mars near my rising = emo dreams about home.. Dreams are symbolic sketches of the psyche and is astrology is the language of these symbols as our psyche adapts to the perpetually changing environment it exists in constantly...

So yay.. On with my day ~ AMDEF! I'd almost rather die than go to Heaven but I must express my disdain on stage, I guess.. so I will! It's gonna be epic.. always! everyday! to entertain the masses & be a catalyst for scientific illumination of the human race aka joy!

peace,
 Asraiya

Modern Egyptian Ritual Magick: The Opening of the Mouth

Modern Egyptian Ritual Magick: The Opening of the Mouth

May Ptah give me voice, remove the wrappings! Remove the wrappings which the lesser gods have placed over my mouth.

Come unto me Djewhty, bearer of Heka, full of Heka, remove the wrappings! Remove the wrappings of Suti which fetter my mouth.

May Tem turn back those who would restrain me.

Give me voice! May my mouth be opened by Shu with that divine instrument of iron with which the gods were given voice.

I am Sekhet! I watch over the heaven of the west.

I am Sakhu! I watch over the souls of Annu.

May the gods and their children hear my voice, and resist those who would silence me.

Qebhsennuf!

Amset!

Tuamutef!

Hapi!

I am the flame which shines upon the Opener of Eternity!